Pandora's Box
by MoonlightGypsy
Summary: MA Angst/Slash Abby's ability to read lips leads Gibbs on a quest to find out what Tony's hiding from his past.
1. Chapter 1

SO- I've still started my book, and now starting this little dalliance in SLASH.

SO- if it's not your bag, I totally understand and you may be interested in the next fanfic that comes after this one.

**A/N:** I do not own, or claim to own, any rights or trademark on NCIS or the characters used here. I simply like to play colorforms. Note though, that the creativity of the story, and it's plot, those are indeed mine.

**WARNING : This story has very graphic, steamy sexual content, not suitable for anyone under 18. I am writing a variety of stories…so please see the other ones if this is not your cup of tea.**

THANKS – GRACIAS – DANKA – DOMO – GRAZIE

* * *

The restaurant was packed with people.

And smelled heavenly. Aromas of garlic and truffle oil permeated the air.

Abby peeked over the top of her menu at Gibbs.

"What are you gonna' have Gibbs? Everything looks so good. I dunno' what to pick…I like three things at least. At least! I have no idea which one." She glanced down again.

Gibbs opened his mouth to reply but she cut him off again, which made him smile.

"So…"she raised a black polished pinky nail and bit it gently, "Seafood risotto….mmmmm. OR maybe the orrichiette. Ohhhh…"

"The usual for me."

"Huh?" she asked, finally looking at him as he smiled warmly at her with his pale blue eyes resting on hers.

"Meatballs and spaghetti."

"Oh come on, Gibbs! You have that every time…"_ every time I break up with a guy and you take me out to dinner here to cheer me up_. "Be adventurous!"

"No," he continued to smile and chuckled at her. "Adventurous is you, Abby."

She sighed heavily, putting her menu down on the table. "Yeah. Maybe I should curb my enthusiasm when it comes to my _adventurous_ dating." She absently scratched at the corner of the menu. "I mean…I keep picking the wrong ones…"

_You already picked the right one_, he thought, _you just haven't figured it out yet_. He knew in his gut, she just wasn't ready. And one day when she was, he pitied the girl who happened to be dating McGee, since Abby, with her forensics expertise, could eliminate someone at least five different ways without leaving any evidence.

"Holy co-inky-dink, Batman," she suddenly said, sitting up straight in her seat, her pale green eyes widening. She looked past his shoulder further in to La Scalla's grand dining room.

He twisted around to see DiNozzo, seated at a table towards the front of the restaurant, also perusing a menu, across from….Wendy?

"That's Tony's ex!" Abby said excitedly.

Gibbs nodded. "Yeah, it is." He turned back to look at Abby.

"Do you think they're getting back together? Ohmigod. Ohmigod. This could be epic!" She was almost vibrating. "Maybe it'll finally happen! OH Gibbs! They would make such cute little DiNozzo babies together!"

"Abs…"

"And I would be the favorite Aunt! I know I would because you know, Ziva…well she's nice and everything,…well, no, she's not that nice is she…but I'm waaaay more fun. Oh…well, she would teach them how to throw knives and stuff…they would like that, huh?"

"Abby!" he warned.

She finally looked at him. "Huh?"

"Cart. Horse."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," she smiled, "but a girl can dream!"

He laughed.

They ordered their food, and talked a little about work.

But after a while, she wasn't talking much… and Gibbs could see what she was really doing.

"Abby…" he warned, with a bit of a growl.

She had been fastidiously looking past him, over at where Tony was eating with Wendy.

"What?" she said with a practiced look of innocence that he knew quite well.

"It's not polite to eavesdrop."

"I can't hear anything from here, Gibbs!" She smiled in mock indignation and said, "How could you even think such a thing?"

"I know you're reading his lips, Abby. Leave it alone. If there's anything to know, he'll tell us when he's ready."

She pouted. "But Gibbs…." And looked over again. "It's getting good. C'mon- listen to this-"

She looked over intently at Tony again, and started quoting Gibbs' SFA:

"You know, I wondered why you called me. I was hoping…to talk about you and I…." she paused, focused intently, waiting for his next words. "Uh-huh…well, I can see that, Wendy. And…I'm glad for you. That you found what it is that makes you happy, but…you can't do this…" Abby frowned, realizing there was some trouble in the works now in Tony's conversation.

"Abby!" Gibbs warned again. "Knock it off!"

But she couldn't stop herself. She continued to watch and quote Tony:

"Do you _know_? DO you have _**any**_ idea what this could do to my life? My career? Did you think about that? No, you didn't. God! You're the same selfish bitch you always were!"

Now Gibbs couldn't help himself but turn a little to look over at the couple off in the distance. He could see the petite form of Wendy and her dark hair from the back, as she gesticulated wildly, saying something with intensity to DiNozzo.

He and Abby saw the very disturbed, if even frightened look in Tony's eyes as he shook his head negatively at her and dragged a hand through his short hair.

Abby continued to speak but very softly now, as Tony looked at Wendy desperately: "Please, don't do this. If you needed to write a book, why about this? If people figure it out…you…you just don't understand…"

There was more gesturing from Wendy, and she put a hand on one of Tony's, both of which were gripping the edge of the table.

She was speaking, but Tony just swallowed and looked around the restaurant, his expression closing down.

Both Gibbs and Abby hoped he wouldn't spot them.

He didn't.

Instead, Tony slowly pulled his hand away from her and stood up. She tried to grab his jacket cuff, but he pulled it away. He looked down at Wendy, his eyes dark and glittering with anger. He pulled out his wallet and took money out, tossing it on the table as she looked up at him.

"We're done here. Nice to see you, Wendy. Good luck with your book." Abby was almost whispering the words now, feeling a mix of worry and shame that she had indeed eavesdropped on a very personal conversation.

She watched as Tony turned without hesitation and left the restaurant, leaving Wendy slouched in her chair dejectedly, staring down at the table.

Abby finally looked at Gibbs, who had turned back to her after Tony stood up and reached for his wallet.

"He just…left…" Abby said a little sadly.

"Yep." Gibbs said. "And I'm only gonna' say this once, Abs. Leave. It. Alone."

"But Gibbs, Tony-"

"Is not happy with how this dinner went, and you should leave it alone," he repeated himself for good measure.

She was a little tearful, already wanting to go to Tony and hug him and talk to him about what they witnessed. But she knew Gibbs was right.

"Would you two be interested in dessert tonight?" The waiter asked, suddenly standing at their table.

"Tiramisu?" Gibbs said, and he knew it was the magic word.

"OH! YES! Yes, tiramisu!" Abby said, now excited to have her favorite sweet treat at La Scalla.

Gibbs smiled at her, a little puff of air escaping his nose in amusement of her reaction.

She eyed him sweetly, but thought to herself, _I won't bother Tony about this…but it doesn't mean Wendy is off limits_. Gibbs didn't say anything about her.

"I'll have a coffee, black," Gibbs said, and as the waiter turned away, he seamlessly told Abby, "And leave Wendy alone too."


	2. Chapter 2

Gibbs tried to ignore the nagging feeling he had when he saw Tony walk in to the bullpen the next day, in full-on black Armani. Even the tie was a grey on black pattern, which did not bode well.

It was armor.

Not that it couldn't be torn, or easily damaged.

No, it was something he knew Tony did when he was worried, or depressed. And often the dark, expensive suit was outfitted with a new shirt, or shoes. Which denoted to Gibbs how upset his friend was.

Today, it seemed, from what Gibbs could see, Tony was sporting both.

"Good morning, Tony!" Ziva said gaily from her desk. She was smiling at him, as he dumped his bag behind his desk and sat down.

He sighed and looked up, attempting a bare smile, "Good morning, oh bucket of sunshine. What, pray tell, has you in such a good mood?"

Both Gibbs and McGee looked over interested in her response, since they also had heard her chipper tone.

Her dark eyes bore into Tony's with expectation, as she leaned her chin onto her hand. "You can not tell?" Her brows raised a little.

Tony frowned a little and squinted at her momentarily. As he did, she noticed how pale he was.

"You're happy, because you finally killed your neighbor's yorkie with a machete. I know it was keeping you up every night with it's incessant barking." Tony leaned back, raising his own brows at her, waiting for her response.

She snorted in disgust. "No. As much as I would like to…do something, about my neighbors dog, that is not what has me in such a good mood."

Tony frowned again. "Okay, then what?"

McGee stood up from his desk and walked over to her, is head tilted a little as he took a better look at her. "I know! Highlights. You got highlights in your hair Ziva."

"Why yes, McGee," she said, very pleased. "It is nice to know at least _someone_ is paying attention." She threw the dig at Tony, and as they looked over for him to throw back some sarcastic remark, they noticed he had disengaged from the conversation. He was looking down at his desk, lost in his own thoughts.

It was really quiet for too long of a span.

"Tony?" McGee called softly.

Tony looked truly startled, quickly picking his eyes up to meet McGee's. "Huh?" and then caught Ziva looking at him again as well, "Sorry. Ah, they're very nice, Ziva." He scanned her appearance ever so quickly and turned to start his computer.

Ziva and McGee looked at each other for a moment. They both knew Tony. And knew something was up.

"McGee, if you don't get back to work, I'm going to _"highlight"_ what happens to employees who goof-off on the job," Gibbs growled.

Gibbs' phone rang and he picked it up as the Probie went back to his desk.

Tony had started his computer and was still just looking blankly at the screen.

Ziva and McGee passed another look back and forth from their chairs. And Ziva gave McGee a gesture with her chin towards Tony.

"Hey Tony?" McGee called.

"**What**, McNag?" Tony asked tiredly while not turning around.

"You okay?" came Tim's gentle reply.

Tony turned and seemed to take a deep breath, pulling his game face on and smiling a bit more broadly. "I'm just fine Probie." Tony was hoping his eyes were saying what his mouth was.

But McGee was not convinced.

"Okay…w-well, you just seem …kinda quiet…"McGee attempted.

"Ah," Tony said, with a tone of reasonable logic, "well, it was a late night last night. Guess I didn't get much sleep." Tony shrugged and grinned at both McGee and then Ziva, winking at them before turning back to his desk and casually opening a folder from his in box.

"Gear up." Gibbs stood up after ending his phone call, grabbing his gun from his desk while giving Tony a sideways glance. _Do I really need to worry about this Wendy thing, DiNozzo?_ He had heard the smoke-and-mirrors reply he gave to Ziva and McGee. And well, in Tony's defense, it probably wasn't a lie, because he looked like he hadn't slept at all.

* * *

McGee read the fingerprint scanner. "Boss, confirmed. This is Lance Corporal Caleb Simms."

They stared down at the man's body, lying face down in a dirt alley behind the Copper Whistle bar and billiards.

At the end of the alley, Ducky and Palmer were getting out of their truck.

"Boss," Tony called from a few feet away, holding up a cigarette butt in his gloved hand.

"Bag it, DiNozzo. Any sign of a murder weapon?" Gibbs eyed the wide pool of blood under the corpse. It was obvious without Ducky's evaluation. Someone had cut the man's throat.

"No, Boss. Not yet." Tony looked up at Gibbs and then glanced at the dumpster to his right. Then, he looked back at Gibbs. Alarmed.

"Shouldn'ta worn those fancy shoes today, Tony," he said wryly, "get in there."

Instead of the usual groan and litany of complaints, or trying to get McGee to do it, Tony just nodded and then went back to what he was doing.

_Okay. Something is definitely wrong_, Gibbs thought.

"Ahhh, Jethro," Ducky greeted. "Whom do I have the pleasure of meeting on this crisp morning?" He put down his bag and kneeled down to begin examining the body.

"L-C-L Simms," Gibbs said, glancing at McGee to continue.

"Caleb Simms, age thirty-three, married to Angela Simms, and residing at 450 Hillcrest Avenue in Union. Boss…" McGee glance up from the handheld machine, "he was only home from his post in Spain three days."

"That is a short-lived homecoming," said Ziva, suddenly standing next to Gibbs and looking down sadly at Simms' body.

"Anything from the bar?" Gibbs asked.

"No," she shook her head, and adjusted her field cap. "But the bar is closed so there is no one to talk to. We will have to come back. No one from the neighboring businesses saw or heard anything."

Gibbs looked up at the dark alley around them, the bricks dingy and crumbling with age. There were barely any windows, and the alley closed off into a dead end where the buildings all met.

"There are only two ways in," Gibbs said, almost to himself. "The entrance to the alley, and-"

"The bar door," Palmer said out loud as he helped Ducky roll Simms over.

They all cringed just a little, at the mess. And the hint of terror frozen on the pale face. The man's brown eyes were still open.

"Oh, dear," they heard Ducky murmur from under the brim of his hat. "Your death was not a pretty one, my friend."

* * *

Abby was enjoying herself with a few moments of free time, by Waltzing with Burt to mosh music.

She caught Tony walking into the lab from the corner of her eye.

She held Bert away from her and said, "Why thank you for this dance," and curtsied before placing him tenderly on the counter next to her main terminal.

She immediately lowered the music, and turned to get a good look at Tony.

"Wow," she said, taking in his sour expression and dirty shoes as he held several evidence bags up to her. "And no Caf-Pow either?"

He stood a little slumped before her, with plastic pouches in one hand and and nothing in the other.

"Abs," he warned, "I've just been crawling around in garbage, and Gibbs wanted me to drop this to you right away. I'm covered in God-knows-what. Exactly how bad do you need the Caf-Pow right now?"

She went to hug him and he side stepped her, avoiding her touch. "Abs, I'm really…sticky."

She took in his bloodshot green eyes, dark circles under them, and then snatched the evidence bags out of his hand. "Someone's cranky."

She turned and put the bags on her counter, and realized he was leaving with out saying anything else to her.

"HEY!" she yelled, and he stopped in his tracks.

Tony took a deep breath, and exhaled, turning slowly and walking back to her.

"Yes?"

"Is everything okay with you ?"

He shook his head a little to himself. "M'fine."

"Cos'…you know…" she changed tactics, "I broke up with Adam."

The green eyes widened a little, as his expression softened. "Oh…I'm sorry Abs…err, how long were you dating again?" He was confused. Which one was Adam? He was trying to remember.

"Fifteen days, three hours and forty-seven seconds."

"Abs, you scare me."He finally smiled a little and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Gibbs…you …know how he always takes me to dinner after I break up with a guy…" she watched him for a moment as he put two and two together.

He licked his lips a moment and then raised his brows as he said in a low irritated voice, "LaScalla." Then he clenched his jaw ever so slightly. Another sigh escaped him.

She tried to look away as she nodded her head, "Yeah…"she saw something that looked like fear pass over him, making his eyes look dazed and glassy for a moment.

"But," she added quickly" we weren't there the whole time you were…" _Okay so…not totally a lie,_ she thought.

"You and Gibbs saw us didn't you," he said quietly, and was that a little tremble she saw in his hands?

"You…and…Wendy. Um…how did it go?" She tried to sound ignorant of what they had seen pass between Tony and his ex.

He closed his eyes for a moment and took another deep breath. He opened them and smiled at her. "Call Gibbs as soon as you have anything. I need to shower …or use some C-4 to get this smell off me…and put on my sneakers." He looked down at his ruined Ferragamos. He smiled at them a little sadly. Then he looked up at her again. "I'll bring you a Caf-Pow after I de-funk. I promise." And before she could respond again he walked out.

She sighed worriedly, and sat on her stool, She looked at Bert. "I think we need some help on this one, pal."

* * *

McGee was checking into LCL Simms' background while Gibbs and Ziva were on their way to speak with Mrs. Simms.

Tony had yet to come back from his dumpster "detox". McGee smiled to himself a little, "At least it wasn't me this time."

Normally, he would have gloated. But that was also because normally, Tony would have been whining over it. But he had still been unusually quiet…

An instant message popped up on his screen. It was from Abby.

**GOODGOLLY **_: Hey._

**TimMG**_ : Hey Abs._

**GOODGOLLY**_ : Whatcha doin'?_

**TimMG**_: Working. Shouldn't you be?_

**GOODGOLLY**_ : How was Tony today?_

**TimMG**_ : Weird. Too quiet. Why?_

He waited but she was hesitating to answer.

**TimM**_**G **__: What's wrong?_

**GOODGOLLY**_: Come see me later when you can. I need your help with something._


	3. Chapter 3

Gibbs watched through the glass as Tony sat back in his chair across from Angela Simms.

It was two days into the investigation.

When Gibbs had originally interviewed her about any knowledge of her husband's death, she seemed more frightened than grief-stricken. She denied any knowledge of her husband having enemies, or any run-ins with people. She cried a bit, twirling her long blonde hair in her fingers, as Gibbs and Ziva had taken in her very form fitting attire and designer breasts. The woman looked like she came right out of Penthouse magazine.

But McGee and DiNozzo had quickly found phone call logs, internet correspondences, and bank account deposits that were all suspicious.

Considering Angela was unemployed and called herself a simple "housewife".

No…this housewife had been conducting her own home-based business while her husband was away…selling herself to other men, via a man named Rick Walsh.

Of course she denied it and was outraged when they brought her in.

Ziva was out with Dorneget hunting down Walsh who had a mile long wrap sheet.

And Angela Simms was faced with Special Agent DiNozzo.

She eyed Tony with a mix of fear and contempt, twirling a bit of that long blonde hair again, big aquamarine eyes blinking. She crossed her long, shapely legs in the little black skirt she had on. It was a sort of half attempt at a suit, but...still more like a "Hot for Teacher" look.

Tony quietly opened the folder before him as he asked, "Mrs. Simms, did your husband know about your little side business?"

"I already told you people," she hissed, "I am not a hooker." She then pursed her glossy lips and looked momentarily around the room before her eyes settled on him again.

"Come on," she suddenly smiled. "Do I look like some sort of cheap trash to you?" She leaned forward a bit, giving Tony an eyeful of overflowing cleavage, peeking out from a high quality lace bra under her shirt.

He sighed and looked her in the eye, "I'm not sure you want the answer to that, Angie."

She immediately sat back and scowled. "You can't keep me here. My lawyer will be here soon."

Tony ignored her and pulled a picture from the file of a handsome man with sandy mid-length hair and large hazel eyes.

She looked away.

"Rick Walsh. Past arrests, and some convictions for human trafficking, extortion, and also one count of rape."

She suddenly looked wide-eyed with shock, but said nothing. He saw the tremble in her hands.

Tony pulled out several pieces of paper with detailed phone calls, and screen shots of a youtube video starring Angela and a sandy-haired man (likely Walsh) wearing a mask.

"You maybe wanna' rethink that not-knowing-Walsh thing. And these…" he pulled out the bank records. "Two-hundred forty thousand dollars in deposits…" he shook his head sadly and clucked, "you forgot to read the idiot's guide of how to hide illegal money."

She opened her mouth suddenly, but nothing came out. She shook her head suddenly and put it in her hands.

Tony delivered the coupe de grace.

A photo of her dead husband, with the gaping hole in his throat now rested on the table.

"You did this to him," Tony said in a low, almost menacing tone.

She looked up at the table, and gasped, covering her mouth with her hand, and choking back a sob.

When she had ID'd him the day before, they had artfully covered the wound. So this was her first time seeing the devastation.

"No…" she almost gagged into her hand,"I didn't…I would never…"

"He found out, didn't he Angie?" Tony asked her.

She looked at him tearfully, almost gasping for air…but still denied it. "No!"

Tony stood up and loomed over her. "What happened? He didn't make enough money? Or maybe he wasn't doin' it for you in the sack and you got bored?"

She shook her head and was trying to control her crying.

Tony stood back and his tone became softer.

"It was a pocket knife. Someone had to shove it into his throat and use a lot of strength to cut clear across. Even cut through his windpipe." Ducky had confirmed it yesterday, but they didn't have the murder weapon. Only a piece of paper bag with LCl Simms' blood on it from the dumpster, proving someone had cleaned up the knife after. The cigarette butt had some trace of saliva…DNA that matched Walsh. But he frequented the Copper Whistle…where LCl Simms may have gone looking for him…they needed more…

She was now a shade of grey and suddenly cried, "Stop! I didn't do it! I swear! I didn't hurt him! YES HE FOUND OUT! AND YES HE WAS ANGRY BUT I DID NOT KILL HIM!"

Now they were getting somewhere.

Tony sat down again calmly. He pulled out a tissue from his pocket and gave it to her.

"Anyone else know, that _he _knew?" Tony asked softly.

She looked up at him, with something like terror in her eyes.

From observation, Gibbs said to himself, "She's afraid of Walsh. She knows he did it."

"I don't…"she said hoarsely.

"Your PIMP," Tony said bluntly.

She looked around the room frantically again. She was shaking.

"We can protect you," he said, allowing some hint of compassion back into his green eyes.

She swallowed harshly and said nothing.

"We have enough here to make you an accessory to murder at the least, if we connect the dots without your help. The phone call you made to him th night your husband was murdered...And then he might think you helped us anyway."

Tony sat back, patiently, and smiled warmly at her.

She seemed to think for a while, and then nodded. "Yes. Okay. Okay…"

Just then the door opened, and Gibbs swore behind the glass as her lawyer rushed in.

"Simon…"she murmured as he quickly gave Tony his card and looked at her, "Not another word."

Simon Finkel was not new to them. He popped up over the years as the lawyer who was always employed by the seediest characters. It seemed likely she may have met him through Walsh.

"Fink," said Tony with an emphasis on the "k" sound, "Mrs. Simms was in the middle of willingly giving us this interview, which is in her best interest." Tony gave the woman a meaningful look.

The too thin, badly suited man frowned for a moment, passing his beady dark eyes over Tony and then back at her. "You don't have to do this."

She nodded and said, "Yes. I do. You can stay though right?" she looked at him, and then a Tony who nodded in affirmation.

From observation, Gibbs sighed with relief.

Fink looked like he swallowed a live frog, and took a seat, opening up his briefcase to pull out pen and paper for notes.

"Let's start with what was happening before your husband came home from Spain," Tony asked. "How did you end up doing what you did?"

She took a deep breath and exhaled, and with a shaking hand turned the picture of her dead husband face down, as if to protect him from hearing the details.

"It was last year," she began softly, and licked her lips nervously. "Caleb was just on leave and about to go back to Spain. We were out to have a nice dinner, then get a drink and play some pool…"

"The Copper Whistle," Tony said.

She nodded. "Yes. And…that's where we met him."

Tony's brows shot up. "We?"

"Yes…Caleb and I met Rick there. He…seemed real cool, and just started talking to us. We shot some pool with him. Had a few drinks…and then…I dunno. Somehow the idea got brought up that the three of us go home together."

She paused, eyes gazing off in the memory.

"Did you?" Tony asked, and Gibbs could see some tension in his SFA's posture. _What is that about?_ He wondered. Had Tony picked up on something already Gibbs wasn't aware of?

"Oh…" she smiled sadly and looked up at Tony, "no." Caleb wasn't into that."

Tony looked at the table for a moment himself, and then back up to her, "But you were?"

She laughed shakily. "Oh, yeah. I loved my husband, Agent DiNozzo. No matter what else I did. I loved him. But…we'd run outta' spark, ya' know…and Rick was so…_hot_…and the idea of the three of us…even the two of them…" she shook her head, almost suddenly distracting herself with the thoughts. "Is that so bad? It's not against the law for a woman to want more than one man is it?"

Tony's lower jaw twisted, almost imperceptibly. But Gibbs saw it. Tony muttered his response,"No, but maybe it aughtt'a be."

Gibbs frowned to himself wondering again where the strange reaction Tony was having was coming from.

Mrs. Simms looked momentarily confused.

"Go on," Tony said, slipping back into the matter at hand.

"Anyway…I got Rick's number. Didn't tell Caleb. Caleb left…"she rubbed her eyes a little to try and relieve some of the tension behind them. "I got involved with Rick…and uh…one or two of his friends…" she couldn't look at Tony or the mirror anymore.

Fink shifted in his chair, looking unsure whether to be shocked or turned on.

"And…is that how you started getting paid?" Tony asked her softly.

She nodded.

"Did he force you into it?" Tony asked slowly.

She looked up at him, tears streaming from her lovely eyes. "Not at first…in the beginning it was…a fantasy of mine come true…and then…then.."she was trembling, and gripping her hands together. "One night he had a party at his place. A few of the guys were there. I realized he was doing some pretty heavy drugs. And he told me…I had to…had to…do it with them because…they had paid us a lot of money…" she let out a sob again, and out her face in her hands for a moment.

They all waited for her to regain composure.

Gibbs watched Tony. Something was wrong. It was the look in Tony's eyes.

Cold…

When she calmed a bit, she went on, "I told him no, but…he threatened to tell my husband what we had been doing…and I didn't want to hurt Caleb. So …I went along with it."

"And then he kept asking you to do it," Tony said plainly.

"Y-yes. And then…Caleb came home…and…God…I dunno how he found that video on youtube…but he did and…I just couldn't keep it in. I…told him…" she shook harder, voice trembling…"told him everything." A new wave of tears slid slowly down her cheeks.

"What did he do?" Tony asked, already knowing in his gut, just like Gibbs did, what the answer was.

"He went out l-looking for Rick…he..hh-he was so angry…" she shuddered. "it's all my fault. All my fault…" she was almost moaning out the words. "I called Rick. I was afraid Caleb would kill him, and get locked up. But instead of leaving town like I asked…I think that piece of shit killed Caleb…" she was sobbing heavily now, as her lawyer looked at her with a mix of pity and disgust.

Tony looked up at the glass and nodded. They had everything they needed.

Now they just had to find Rick Walsh.

* * *

Gibbs met up with Tony in the hallway.

The younger man was almost lost in thought, and almost stepped right into Gibbs.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs said, steadying Tony with a hand to keep him from running him over.

"Uh, sorry Boss," Tony said sheepishly.

Gibbs gave him a bare smile, "You did good."

Tony's eyes widened a little at the rarely-given praise. "Thanks boss," he said warmly and grinned.

Gibbs tilted his head, giving Tony and appraising look.

Tony's brows knit together quickly, "What?"

"You okay?"

He immediately looked down. The tell that always gave him away. And back up to Gibbs' cool grey-blue stare.

"M'fine Boss." He smiled, and then walked away, leaving Gibbs to stare after him with that gnawing still twisting up his gut.

"The hell you are," Gibbs said quietly as Tony disappeared around the corner of the hallway.

* * *

The next morning Gibbs sent Tony and Ziva out on a lead to try and find Walsh.

As Gibbs came down the stairs from the Director's office after a grueling two and a half hour meeting full of yabba, he caught Tim from the corner of his eye reading some pages of a paperback book he held under the desk. He was immediately annoyed but it was technically lunchtime…and it was like McGee to sometimes take it and read at his desk. But…why under the desk?

Gibbs quietly came closer…McGee was so engrossed that he was completely unaware of his Boss' presence.

"McGee!" Gibbs said loudly and McGee jumped, dropping the book, hitting his head on his desk lamp, and almost falling out of his chair.

"GOD BOSS!" he exclaimed, clutching at his chest at the mild shock Gibbs gave him. "You trying to kill me?" he said with his green eyes wide as he panted.

Gibbs smiled a little, and said calmly. "Nope. Just wanna' see what'chur reading here…"

Gibbs stooped down and picked up the paperback. It was glossy red with raised white letters outlined in gold metallic.

"Uh…B-boss…I ah…" McGee stammered, trying to take it back as Gibbs smacked his hand away.

Out loud Gibbs read the title.

"Intention, by Wendy…" _Oh, no,_ he thought. _Dammit_ _Abby_. "By Wendy J. Miller." Gibbs took a deep breath and then sighed and looked up at McGee.

McGee was looking down guiltily at his computer.

"Do not let me see this book in your hands again. And I don't wanna hear about it either. You got that McGee?" Gibbs commanded quietly.

McGee nodded and then shyly looked up at Gibbs. "Uh…I had to ask my publisher…to pull strings to get that Boss…can I-"

"No." Gibbs took the book to his desk and threw it in his trash basket.

Gibbs took one more look at McGee, and then scowled and walked out of the bullpen towards the lab.

Tim picked up his phone, dialing the lab, and prayed that Abby didn't have the music up too loud.

* * *

Abby was running a fingerprint analysis for one of the other teams, and occupying her wait time with blacking out one of her front teeth with a black eyeliner pencil and smiling at herself in the mirror.

Suddenly, she felt the presence behind her.

She spun around, and smiled with her semi-toothless looking grin at gibbs and said "Howdy!" and then immediately her smile fell when she saw the more than molten glare coming from Gibbs.

She knew immediately what she was in trouble for, and looked down at her lap, playing with her compact mirror.

Gibbs grabbed her remote and shut off her music, and then tossed it back on the table a little angrily.

"Abby," he said in a tone that was a mix of reprimand with disappointment.

"I had to Gibbs! " her tone was imploring and sincere as she looked defiantly into his eyes from under her dark bangs. "Tony is really upset…and I can really see why…"

"You read it too?" Gibbs asked, in exasperation.

"The…whole thing. Last night. And…" She shook her head and looked down for a moment, raising her brows,"I thought we knew Tony…but…whoa…"

"Abby-"

"Tony has some serious bones in the closet. Sexy ones…I mean…it was like a window into this whole other-"

"Abby!"

"-Life, and Gibbs…I can see why he was upset for Wendy to have written it…but they were young, and-"

"Dammit Abby!" Gibbs growled loudly. "I told you to leave it alone!"

She looked a little upset, but still held her ground. "As his friend Gibbs…his BEST friend…I think you should read it. And talk to him. And tell him it's all gonna' be okay, bec-"

"Abby, what part of LEAVE IT ALONE are you missing?"

She stood up and poked Gibbs in the chest, which made him blink in surprise.

"NO!" she cried in her gravelly voice. "YOU listen to ME! This book is coming out, whether Tony wants it to or not. And Gibbs, please…this is too important. Tony is gonna' need you more than ever…what you think of him…means…well it means everything to him. You can't let him down."

Gibbs fell silent, hearing the sincerity in her plea, and seeing the seriousness in her eyes.

He sighed. And then looked at her for another long moment.

"Okay," he said quietly, and she immediately hugged him, relieved she'd gotten through.

When Gibbs got back to his desk, McGee was by the window talking to Dorneget, and Tony and Ziva were still not back.

He discreetly looked down and took the paperback out of the trash.

Turning it over, he read the back cover.

_"It started out as just a secret fantasy. But when twenty-eight year old Melissa Klein challenged her police detective fiancé, Drew DeLuca, to take a walk on the wild side with her, she had no idea where the road would lead them both. "Intention" is a story of love, eroticism, and betrayal that will leave you breathless. Based on real life experiences, Wendy J. Miller takes us on a journey we will never forget."_

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

_Only Tony,_ he thought, as he shook his head and shimmied the book into the pocket inside of his overcoat.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **No slash…yet…but…still quite smutty. Patience my pretties…I've a lot to tell here...

* * *

**INTENTION**

**By Wendy J Miller**

**Chapter 1 Drew**

**I was so young when I met Drew. **

**I'd just been a few years into my teaching career, my life a cacophony of paperwork, parents, and craft paper. I was satisfied at the time, having fulfilled what my parents expected of their good little girl.**

**My father in particular, wanted me to become a teacher. So I did my best to get good grades. And my mother was particularly proud of my time as a cheerleader.**

**I did my homework. I went to church on Sundays. And I stayed away from boys until college. Much to the relief of my parents.**

**But it wasn't because I wanted to stay away from them , per se. I was painfully shy. And I'd never let anyone in to my inner word. **

**Until I met him.**

**I ran into him in a local café' one morning, buying coffee.**

**He was tall, with medium brown hair and the biggest, greenest eyes I'd ever seen. They were framed with long dark eyelashes that I became mesmerized by as he blinked a few times at the cashier, who had two cups in a carry-out tray on the counter before him. His face was…beautiful. The almost delicate full mouth, square jaw, and slightly tanned skin were almost too much for me.**

Gibbs snorted in disgust, muttering "Delicate full mouth…"

**I dropped the newspaper, apple, and muffin I'd been holding to pay for all at once.**

**I'd like to think I'm an attractive woman. Being petite, and athletic, with dark eyes and hair. I had it pretty long back then…cascading down my back in waves. I always thought my nose was too big, but luckily my larger eyes and pouty lips more than distracted away from it.**

**He stooped down immediately, with his long, manly hands and helped pick up my things. I was beyond humiliated. But he had no idea he had been the cause of my clumsiness.**

**It was literally the moment our eyes met. Fire. Electricity. Whatever you want to call it. The spark was there.**

"**Mulit-tasking not working for you today?" he asked with a wry smile.**

Gibbs got a little impatient and skimmed through the first and second chapters, which talked about Melissa's (Wendy's) relationship with Drew (Tony). That he was a passionate man devoted to his job fighting crime and helping people…yabba yabba. Gibbs perused the part where they'd gotten engaged to be married and moved in together.

A brief flash of anger went through him. He knew at least how this story ended. This woman had caused Tony a lot of pain. Gibbs had hoped they would reconcile. And he would get to see DiNozzo happy with someone. But now…he felt glad they hadn't. She was obviously not interested in his well-being. Wendy was in the process of hurting him all over again. He had to wonder …why?

He skipped ahead to the third chapter called "Justin".

**Drew and I had settled into a wonderful routine.**

**He loved his detective work. And was good at it. I loved teaching. And was good at it.**

**We went out every weekend at least one night, to have fun. And always came home to have incredible sex.**

**I'd had boyfriends in college. But being a shy, repressed girl…it was hard for me to enjoy it. Drew was the first man to make me orgasm. And I loved him even more for that. Our lovemaking was sometimes gentle and soft…and sometimes needy and rough. Especially when things went wrong at work for Drew. A bad case. Or a situation that he felt ineffective in producing the desired outcome. Sometimes people got hurt or killed, and he wasn't able to help them. He was all heart. And I loved him deeply for that.**

**It was devastating to him sometimes. He never talked about it. But I could see it in his eyes.**

**I almost feel guilty in saying, that's when I wanted to both comfort him, and rip his clothes off. Because I knew I was going to see him more out of control, more filled with animal desire, than at any other time. And I wanted that. Needed it.**

_You really are a bitch_, Gibbs thought.

**We were six months away from getting married, when I met Justin.**

**He was a lawyer who represented the school. There was an issue with one of the kids and one of the other teachers, and he came in to take a deposition from me.**

**Justin Kimble was, for all purposes, and DaVinci in a suit. He had big steel-blue eyes, and long blonde hair that he kept back in a very neat ponytail. Suit and ponytail. He was so different…and his features were more Italian looking than anything else, in spite of his coloration. He had a heart-shaped mouth and elegant nose. I even fell in love with the circular wire framed eyeglasses.**

**After I gave my deposition, on what I knew of the other teacher and the child in question, he pulled out a business card, and handed it to me.**

"**Now Melissa," he said in a soft male voice, tinged with a slight southern drawl,"you call me any time, if you think of something else."**

**I stared at his fingers for a moment as I took the business card. Then I looked at him and asked, "What do you think will happen to Mr. Garcia? You know…we can't watch what the kids bring to school all the time or what they might pop into their mouths. It's really not the teacher's fault if the child ate something he knows he's allergic to. And Mr. Garcia used the epipen right away. It saved that child's life."**

"**Oh now, don't you worry, nothing's going to happen. This is just to protect the school and Mr. Garcia in case the parents make something of it. I think he's a hero for reacting so quickly, and saving the boy."**

**I smiled warmly. "Me too."**

**He looked at my hand. To the engagement ring on it, and sighed. Then his eyes met mine. I felt that electricity again for the second time in my life. "Lucky guy," he said, and smiled. "But…anyway, I'd…love to have the pleasure of your company just for lunch if you like sometime. Call me if you want to."**

**I was like a deer caught in headlights of a Mack truck. I was so attracted to him…his looks and unusual quality. There was just something about him. Immediately I thought of Drew and felt guilty.**

**SO I just nodded dumbly and said nothing.**

**That night, I was lying in bed with Drew, touching his sweat-slicked skin after we'd made love. I was curled up on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as it settled back into a more regular rhythm. My thighs were wet and sticky and I was also sweaty…but back then, we never cared. We didn't get up to take a shower right away or clean up…we usually took a break. And did it again. And fell asleep in eachother's arms.**

**But I couldn't stop thinking about Justin Kimble. And what his broad shoulders looked like out of that suit. What did his hands feel like? Or his mouth? Would they be as skilled as Drew's? And…what would it be like to have them both at one time? The thought almost had me orgasming again. I'd heard some of my girlfriends talk about doing it with two guys at once in college. I was shocked. And turned on. Though I'd never admit it. And surely only bad girls would do something like that. Let two men ravage her at once…**

**I twirled my finger in the little sprinkle of hair Drew had on his chest.**

"**Honey…" **

"**Mmm?" He asked, cracking an eye open at me. "yeah?"**

**We'd been together for a while. But never had this particular talk.**

"**Ummmm…have you ever…" I struggled, with my heart starting to pound a little in my chest. After all, good girls didn't ask questions like this. "Have you ever…done it with more than one person at a time?"**

**Now both eyes were open and looking at me intently. His brows were raised in surprise at the question. He wasn't expecting it.**

"I'll say," Gibbs murmured to himself.

**He pushed a little hair off my face and behind my ear. "You mean…like me and two girls?"**

"**Mmm," I said, looking idly down while I rolled a little forward on his chest, still occupying my fingers with his hair. "No. I m-mean, like…like two guys…and a girl." I bit my lip a little and looked at him.**

**I saw his mind working. Confusion. Worry. His eyes widened a little. And there was a small frown now on his face.**

"**Ahhh, no. I haven't…" he gently pushed up, as I fell away to sit next to him and he leaned his back against the headboard of our four poster oak bed.**

**He shook his head a little in wonderment. "You've never asked me anything like that before."**

"**I know," I said, almost apologetically.**

**There was a long pause between us. I was about to tell him to forget it. But he spoke first.**

"**Do you…want…that?" he asked, in a hoarse voice, choking back the insecurity I knew was now blossoming inside him like a strangling weed. His eyes were glued to my face.**

**Drew came from such a rough childhood…his mother dying when he was so young, and a father who was too drunk to care where Drew was or who was with him…and then he was sent away to military school by that bastard without so much as a goodbye.**

At least we agree on something, Gibbs thought. Tony's father was not his favorite person. Her next few lines, though, ignited fury inside him.

**I knew if I pushed, if I demanded it, Drew would give me anything rather than lose me. I had become the family he never had, He loved me more than anyone had ever, and I was sure of it. SO sure, that I knew I could have what I wanted, seeing that worried and somewhat desperate look in his eyes.**

"Bitch," Gibbs blurted out loud.

"**I dunno'…" I said, looking down for a moment. "I just…thought…maybe it would be hot."**

**That was not what he wanted to hear. He looked around our bedroom, completely uncertain of where he stood or what to do about this.**

"**I…I thought…things with us…that you were happy with the sex we have, Am I…am I doing something wrong? Did I miss something…?"**

**This was an amazing difference from the cocky, self assured "sex-machine", as his fraternity brothers had called him.**

**I suddenly felt guilty, at making him feel insecure. God knows I knew what that felt like.**

"**I love you, I smiled, "and you are a smokin' hot sexy man." I stroked his lean stomach and chest, and then leaned forward and kissed him. He was only half responsive. I leaned back, and said, "It's a fantasy honey. I'm sure you have them too. Everyone does. I didn't mean to upset you."**

**He licked his lips and nodded, raising a hand to run his fingers through my hair.**

**We didn't have our usual round two that night.**

"No shit," Gibbs said vehemently. Tony loved her. Really loved her. And she was just…experimenting with him!

Gibbs took a breath and sighed.

**Later that week, I couldn't help myself. I was home at night, with an hour to kill before Drew arrived home for dinner. And that's when I snuck out my friend.**

**It was a big rubber cock with a suction cup on the end of it.**

Gibbs raised his eyebrows, and thought, _Whoa._

**I had dinner ready and waiting in the oven. I was wearing a teeny black lace babydoll, that only barely covered my naked ass, and platform heels I'd never survive a walk around the block in.**

**I went in the bathroom, and took the large, almost life-like facsimile of a human penis and stuck it on the wall, where it hung suspended and heavy, waiting.**

**I giggled to myself in nervous anticipation. After all, this was not another person, but a sex toy. I had been fantasizing all week about having him…and the toy…**

**I little doubt crept into my awareness. What if he hated it?**

**But this was my way of trying to block out thoughts of Justin Kimble, and get my kicks with Drew, Have my cake and eat it too. Without anyone getting hurt.**

**Oh how I hoped he would like it.**

**I heard the keys in the door as Drew came in, in his usual jeans and tee shirt, leather jacket slung over his shoulders.**

"**Melissa, I'm –" he stopped, taking in the dimmed lights, soft music playing, table set with candles, and me leaning against it in a negligee.**

"**Hey now," he said in a gentle growl. "I'm liking this…" he threw his jacket on the sofa and walked over to me, grabbing me to him and giving me a long, melting kiss.**

**He pulled away while I smiled and purred, "You like, huh?"**

"**Oh yes," he nodded. "Smells good too…"**

"**Lasagna," I said, knowing it was his favorite.**

"**Am I…" he cocked his head, looking at me suspiciously, "Dying? We're not married yet you know. You can't get the life insurance til after that."**

**I chuckled at him. "Nope. You're not dying. Unless it of sex overload later…"**

**He growled suddenly and pulled me too him again, our mouths diving into each other.**

**He grabbed my hand, and stepped back , grinning. "Why don't we let dinner sit for just a little…" I could see the large bulge now in his jeans.**

Gibbs caught himself holding his breath.

"**No," I said. "You have to wait. I have a surprise for you. Dinner first."**

**He stared at me with those ocean-deep green eyes. "A surprise huh," he gave me one brow squinched down. "Good surprise I hope…"**

"**You'll have to wait and see," I teased, and quickly pulled his hand across my ass as I turned and made him sit for dinner.**

**The food was perfect. The wine also. We sat for a little after dinner, chatting about our day as if it was a normal thing for him to be fully dressed while I did all the usual things in the almost nothing I had on and heels.**

**Finally, I stood up smiling and said, "Get naked, Now."**

**His face turned suddenly serious. "Huh?"**

"**Get naked," I repeated with a pleasant smile.**

**He sat motionless for just a second and then jumped up, practically tearing off his clothes and heading toward the bedroom. "Not there," I laughed.**

"**Ahhh…" he looked at me in confusion, all lean and beautiful 6'2" of him naked, long, thick cock, jutting away from his body in aching discontent.**

**I walked to him, and took his hand. "Close your eyes," I said in a lower, seductive tone, as he shivered.**

**He smiled and closed them.**

**I led him into the bathroom, and turned on the water, saying, "no peeking."**

"**I'm not," he said, with a chuckle.**

**I took his hands to my body and said, "Without opening your eyes, take this off me."**

**He smiled and his hands began to roam my body, while his leaking cockhead bumped against my stomach. It was so beautiful. He was so beautiful. I couldn't wait to get into the shower, but his fingers felt good against my skin. And as he untied the front of my babydool, and it fell away, those big masculine hands caressed my hips, my stomach, and my breasts, drifting over my nipples causing a twitch in my clit.**

Gibbs took a deep breath, trying to concentrate. _Why _was he reading this again?

**He pinched them as I moaned, feeling the moisture already accumulating between my pussy lips.**

**I put my hand around his velvety hard rod, and stoked a few times while he let out a little groan.**

**We teased eachother a little while longer, and then I lead him carefully into the shower, with his back to the stream, and my ass bumping against the rubber cock on the wall. I almost cried out with the anticipation. **

**Still stroking him, his body was trembling along with mine, and I said, "Open your eyes."**

**He did and smiled, looking at me, and then it faltered as he took in the wall behind me. His mouth dropped open in surprise, and a flash of uncertainty passed over his face.**

**His dick lost some of its ferocity as well…I had to act fast.**

**Before he could say anything I grabbed the rubber cock behind me and lined it up with my pussy, and shoved my ass backwards, impaling myself. **

**I moaned in pleasure, my nipples almost painfully hardening to points. I didn't look at him, but I let him see the pleasure on my face as I kept stroking his cock and started to ride the dildo as it slid easily in an out of my drenched cunt. "Oh God…I moaned. So fucking good…" I opened my eyes and looked at his astonished face and said, "I'm gonna suck the life outta you through your cock…"**

**His breath hitched and I felt his dick hardening again, as I leaned forward and opened my mouth.**

**I heard him cry out as I took every inch of him slowly down my throat.**

**I grabbed his hips, and started to push myself back and forth, riding the rubber cock and sucking his cock. **

**He braced himself against the side wall of the shower with one arm as the water ran down his body and he moaned out my name, hips moving with me compulsively.**

**In my mind, I couldn't help it. I was a dirty whore being fucked by two men, and it was almost too much to take. I could barely breathe, because Drew was so big it was blocking my air…but neither of us cared. It was hot and dirty, and I took a hand and started playing my clit. The feelings were over the top. I felt his body starting to tense as he gasped desperately himself.**

**He groaned out, "Uuuuhhhh….Melisaahhhh….FUCK!"**

**And that was it. I saw stars explode as my scream was choked out by his cum pumping down my throat. I came so hard on the rubber cock I could feel more fluid pulse out of my pussy and I almost passed out so I held onto his hips.**

**He slumped against the shower wall, panting for air, and looking at me with glazed eyes. "Jesus," he said weakly, as some of his semen leaked from my lips when I shakily stood up.**

Gibbs put the book down, and said angrily, "Sonofabitch," glaring resentfully and with a tinge of shame, down at his own erection, now painfully restrained by his pants.


	5. Chapter 5

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose as he sat in his quiet livingroom.

"Intention", was lying on the coffee table, in front of him, where he'd thrown it. He had been a little surprised and disgusted with himself for getting excited.

His phone rang. He looked at the screen.

Abby.

"Dammit," he hissed. Then he grabbed it and picked up. "Yeah Abs."

"_Hey Gibbs…"_ she said and then there was just silence.

"What's up?" he asked, a little impatiently.

"_Ummm…I was just wondering if you read the book yet."_

Gibbs felt immediately angry with her, and honestly, angry at the book.

"It's **garbage**," he growled.

"_But did you read it? How much did you read, Gibbs?"_

"Enough."

"_How much?"_

"Abby!"

"_Okay, I can see it's upset you a little…but…you need to read it all the way through Gibbs. I think…Wendy didn't think this all the way through."_

"**Ya' think**, Abby?" he forced himself to take a breath. "I don't need to read any more of this. It's porn for chrissake!"

"_Oh. You've never read or seen porn before, Gibbs?"_

Was she trying to be funny? This wasn't just porn…it was…Tony…

He sighed loudly and said nothing.

"_W-well, of course you have. You're a healthy man Gibbs. Of course you've probably watched-"_

"Abby!" he growled loudly at her. "I'm hanging up now."

"_Wait!"_ she called, and he did. After a pause, she realized he was still there. _"Please read it to the end. I think…you need to understand what happened and why he's so worried about this And then…a-and then talk to him."_

"About **this**? Abby, I'm worried about him as much as you are, but-"

"_I think you need to understand what's in the book, and understand more about Tony, talk to him Gibbs, and help him to take legal action to stop the book from going out to stores if it's possible. And actually, I'm thinking it's too late…But also…you need to know what's in it and tell him it's okay."_

"_OKAY_? You – I- " she was asking the impossible. "I'm hanging up." And this time he did.

He tossed his cell on the coffee table next to the book.

If he was honest with himself, he was just a little apprehensive to open it again.

What else would he read about Tony ? What if it…turned him on again? It was disturbing and a little humiliating to be excited by the idea of Tony having sex with anyone. He shook his head to himself again, scrubbing his face with his hands.

He also had the feeling that he knew something now…that he shouldn't. How in Hell was he going to talk to DiNozzo about this? Did he even have enough Bourbon for that conversation?

"Aw, shit," he muttered as he thought about what Abby had said. Would Tony be so freaked out about an ex describing how they did it with sex toys? There had to be more to it…besides the humiliating fact she had been able to play with Tony's insecurities. But even that was…Hell, normal for people that young. Common relationship mistakes.

Taking a deep breath, he picked up the book again. _Damn you,_ Abs, he thought., knowing she was right and he needed to read some more of the piece of trash.

He sighed and opened up the book, and skimmed further into the third chapter.

**It seemed like after that, Drew got a little more open minded. I guess it's because what we did in the shower was so exciting…so naughty…**

**He went with me to a local sex shop, and to my delight we bought several new toys, rabbit fur covered handcuffs, a paddle and a flogger. Of course, neither of us was entirely sure about it all…but it was exciting to look forward to experimenting.**

_Yabba yabba yabba_….Gibbs skimmed past some more about the couple playing with their new toys. Until his eyes picked up on the name Justin Kimble again.

**I know I shouldn't have done it. But…I couldn't help myself. Every morning at work while my students were busy copying class work assignments from the chalkboard, I would open my desk drawer and casually finger the business card with Justin Kimble's name and information on it.**

**I kept fantasizing about him…even with the recent fun I'd been having with Drew. I still thought about being naked with the strange lawyer…wanting him to show up one day after classes were out and take me over my desk…**

**And I still fantasized about having them both.**

**I called him. And met him for lunch.**

**I picked a little café' two towns away in the hopes it wouldn't get back to Drew I was seen having lunch with a strange man.**

**He was dressed more casually this time, and his blonde hair was loose about his shoulders. He wore a cross-over neck, military green sweater, over very worn-in, form fitting jeans. He was… almost European looking. Had a little stubble on his face, making him look all the more manly and rugged. He was gorgeous.**

**He smiled at me and winked behind the round glasses. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair, and sit on his lap and beg him to fuck me.**

Gibbs sighed heavily. And skimmed forward a little.

"**Oh yeah?" he asked with a chuckle. "What else do you think about?"**

"**I…" my heart was pounding again in my chest, "I think about things…I shouldn't."**

**He leaned forward a bit, and spoke softly with those steely eyes roaming my eyes and face down to my mouth, "You think about me…kissing you…touching you…"**

**I closed my eyes, "Yes."**

"**And what else?" he asked in almost a husky whisper.**

"**You and my fiancée both…having sex with me." I was afraid to open my eyes and look at him Maybe he was going to be angry, or laugh. I didn't know what to expect.**

**And then I heard him say, "Well, I think I'd have to meet him…spend some time with you both before deciding to do something like that."**

**I opened my eyes and I'm sure they were wide with shock.**

**He laughed. "You weren't expecting that answer, were you, pretty girl?"**

"**N-no," I stammered, "I-I-"**

**I didn't know what to say. It was now a possibility I could have my fantasy come true. But the question was whether or not I could get Drew to do it without him being upset.**

"Oh, Tony," Gibbs muttered sadly, "Tell me you didn't."

Gibbs skimmed forward again a bit to Chapter 4, called "Uncharted Territory". He was afraid to imagine what he would find…but was also…curious.

**The dinner was set. Tonight was the night. Drew was going to meet Justin. Worlds were colliding.**

"**Are you really okay with this?" I asked, worrying, as I watched Drew pull on a dark blue shirt over his grey cargo pants.**

**He stood on the other side of the room, back still to me, but I could see his face in the dresser mirror.**

**He looked like he was going to his execution but turned and said, "To meet the guy…I guess fine. But…I dunno' about the other stuff, babe. I know…" he looked around for a moment and then back to me, "I know this is a big fantasy of yours…I'm just…concerned."**

"**About?" I asked with a raised brow as I put on my black pumps. **

**He walked slowly closer to me, as I stood up from sitting on the bed. He looked into my eyes, and I could see the naked vulnerability in his. "What if…what if we lose each other? Because… of this? I mean…it could change things…" He was struggling to communicate he thoughts.**

"**Honey, do you watch porn sometimes when I'm not home?"**

"**Well…that's not-"**

"**I know it's not the same, but, I guess my point is that we love each other, and this is just play. And if you really don't wanna do it, I'll call the whole thing off." I kept my tone and face neutral. If he was going to do it, he had to without feeling his back was against the wall.**

**He took a deep breath, and looking at me said, "I just…love you so much." He looked almost a little sad for a minute.**

**I smiled and jumped up on the bed so I was suddenly taller than him and threw my arms about his neck. And I kissed him. Deeply. And then kissed his cheeks, and his eyes and forehead. "I love you, Drew. I love you," I said, and I meant it.**

Gibbs shook his head sadly. They were both so young…neither one of them seemed to have the real concept of what they were getting into…

**Dinner was at a trendy Malaysian restaurant called Serai.**

**If I do say so, we all looked hot.**

**Drew in his dark blue shirt…his eyes looked just a little greyer in that color…sort of a pale evergreen. And Justin was in an ecru cableknit, his hair loose again and no glasses…did he wear contacts just to impress Drew?**

**I had on my black suede pumps and a tight red satin sheath dress that stopped half way down my thighs. Maybe it was overly optimistic, but I wasn't wearing any panties.**

**Drew seemed a little tense as he smiled and shook Justin's hand. I knew he was trying to seem cool about the situation, and in control. Even if he wasn't.**

**Justin smiled, and looked Drew up and down, then let go of his hand and turned to me and said, "you didn't tell me he was so beautiful."**

Gibbs ignored the angry feeling that stirred in him at reading Jusin's admiration for Tony.

**I saw a flush of pink rise quickly up Drew's neck to his face. And he had absolutely no idea what to say in return.**

**Justin chuckled a little. "You're not used to getting compliments from other guys, are you?"**

**Drew looked at him and snorted a little. Then he said sarcastically, "Well, the other guys in the precinct aren't much into letting on how hot they think you are."**

**Justin shrugged and said, "Well why don't we sit."**

**The waitress came and brought the menus. And we picked them up to peruse them.**

**Drew was fidgeting in his chair. He normally found it hard to sit still. But I could tell he was near bolting.**

**He put down his menu on the table, and stared at Justin. I started to get very anxious now. With Drew, the minute his face had no expression and eyes stared at someone… it meant either he had just figured something out, or was going to blow up.**

**I put my hand on his arm and squeezed to distract him from whatever zone he was in.**

"**So, Justin," he said, with an almost casual air, "you do this kind of thing often?"**

**Justin took his time, hearing the slight tension in Drew's tone. He lowered his menu and said, smiling, "Yeah. I eat usually every night."**

**Drew stared at him a moment longer and then let out a bark of laughter. And then said, "You're really **_**funny**_** Jay. Can I call you Jay?'**

"**Sure," Justin said, and then with a very intense, almost lust filled gaze he said softly,"you can call me anything you want."**

"How' bout' sonofabitch pervert fuck?" Gibbs muttered hotly.

**That seemed to leave Drew a little speechless again.**

**Justin sighed, and then turned to me and said, "I thought you said he was okay meeting me? He looks like he's going to jump out of his skin."**

**I opened my mouth to respond, but Drew cut me off.**

"_**He **_**is sitting right here. And since you're entertaining fucking **_**his**_** fiancée, you could at least talk to **_**him**_** directly."**

"**Alright then," Justin said, leveling a cool gaze at him. "Why did you come here tonight?"**

"**You know why," Drew said angrily.**

**This was not going well. I stood up, and said, "Maybe we should-"**

"**No," Drew said, as he placed a hand on my arm. He looked up at me and then to Justin. "I'm sorry. I just…this is new to me and…I'm just…"**

"**It's alright," Justin smiled. "I can see how important you are to each other. And…**_**nothing**_** is going to happen unless we are all comfortable. I have done this before, and had an ongoing thing with a couple in Virginia before I moved here. And…we were all sad I had to move for my job. I don't really know Melissa very well, and only just met you. So, I dunno' if I will want to do this either."**

**Drew laughed. "What, now we're not hot enough for you?"**

**I smiled, realizing Drew had settled down enough to at least joke a little. I sat down, rubbing my hand on Drew's shoulder.**

**Justin laughed again, as Drew tried to look calm. "Let's just order some food first, and then we'll do the Q and A."**

Gibbs let out a staggered puff of air as he skimmed ahead through the dinner, where it seemed Justin had charmed Drew a bit, with his knowledge of movies and cinematic history. And Justin had also been sent to boarding school down south after his parents both died in a car accident when he was fourteen.

"Too much of a coincidence maybe…" Gibbs said to himself suspiciously, but kept skimming, until a paragraph caught his eye.

**The three of us got drinks at the bar. Mephisto's was one of the busiest dance clubs in the city. And the music was amazing. I was already feeling the bass, swaying and wiggling a little as we stood around the dance floor. Since dinner ended up going better than I imagined, I was again feeling optimistic that I might get my wish.**

**We watched people dance. We got another drink. And then we hit the floor.**

**I always loved dancing with Drew.**

Tony _danced_? Gibbs wondered wryly if maybe that idea was the most confounding so far.

**He was lean and fluid and knew how to move. It was actually our fifth date, after going to a dance club, that we had sex for the first time. He had me so turned on, by the way he used his body, his hips, that I was out of my mind with desire for him. And tonight was no different.**

Something about those lines made Gibbs' cock twitch again. He grunted at it slightly in reprimand and tried to ignore the humiliating thoughts that could surround such a reaction.

**Justin stood and watched us for a while, still sipping his drink, while we moved and swayed, teasing each other. We almost forgot he was there. I think that was what Drew wanted, because after a while, grinding to the music and dragging our hands over eachother, a number of people were watching us.**

**He was behind me, our hips moving together to the music, and I leaned back on him as I closed my eyes and swayed…almost floating in an erotic haze…**

**I felt hands on my ribcage, traveling up and just brushing over the sides of my breasts, and as I opened my eyes they drifted down, following the hands as they slid off me and onto Drew's thighs. I realized suddenly, they were Justin's.**

"Jesus," Gibbs said, the idea Tony had let another man touch him like that…dance with him…something in him started to boil…

He skimmed forward again, wanting to erase that image from his mind.

**When we finally got home, we were all a little drunk, and horny as hell. I was still feeling amazed that Drew had gone with things the way he did.**

_You and I both, _Gibbs thought

**Drew threw his jacket down and walked into the kitchen, opening a bottle of wine.**

**In the mean time, Justin sat on the couch with me, and smiled warmly.**

"**You're both fantastic. A truly well matched couple. And you can dance! Whoee! I tell ya' what!" Justin relaxed back a bit into the cushions and put his arm up around my shoulder.**

"**You're not so bad yourself," I demurred.**

"**Oh now honey," Drew said a little loudly, "don't start without me." He placed three glasses down on the coffee table and poured the wine.**

"**Wouldn't dream of it honey," I said just as loudly.**

**He handed a glass to Justin and one to me, and sat on the floor in front of the couch, almost at my feet. **

"**Why don't you sit with us?" I asked. **

"**Oh," he said softly, "I think I just want to look at you both for a little bit…maybe…watch…"**

**Suddenly I understood. He had no idea how to do this. How to start it. Well, neither did I.**

**We both looked to Justin.**

"**Well," he said, putting his wineglass on the table, "Seems to me…maybe starting simple is the idea…who's up for a massage?"**

**Drew and I looked at each other, and of course my fiancée pointed to me and said, "She is."**

**I laughed. "Okay."**

"**Then…"Justin said slowly, and watched Drew for a reaction, "I think you should take your clothes off. But please, leave the shoes on."**

**I immediately felt nervous and excited all at once. To be naked in front of them both…I was getting wet already.**

"**Okay," I said softly, and stood up. If Drew was going to freak, I thought it might be now. But he didn't. Instead, he watched me, with his green eyes blazing.**

**I stood up and turned to face them both, and pulled my dress over my head.**

**I heard Drew gasp slightly when he realized I'd had nothing on under the dress all night.**

**Justin gazed at me with a little smile, and I was trembling with anticipation mixed with fear. This was uncharted territory.**

"**Tell me Drew," Justin said in a low voice, "what do you think about your fiancée?"**

**Drew looked at him, suddenly confused. "What?"**

"**What do you think about her?" Justin asked simply and then turned to look at him.**

"**I…love her," Drew swallowed, suddenly struggling to speak. He looked at me. "She's beautiful."**

**Justin stood, and stepped around me, placing his hands on my shoulders and slowly started to rub them. It felt good.**

**Drew looked away, trying to hide a scowl, and the flash of pain in his eyes…**

**I thought back to the shower…and decided to try and get his attention similarly. I started to touch myself, masturbate while I looked at him. If Justin had been in font of me, I don't know that I would have had the guts to do it. But for Drew, I could. And I desperately wanted him to get excited…and for this to somehow work out. Feeling Justin's hands on me…was incredibly hot. I wanted so much more…from them both.**

**I leaned back against his body and moaned, and that got Drew to look at me again.**

**I looked him in the eye as I made little circles with my fingers on my clit. My other arm reached up around Justin's neck, as he started to nip at my jaw and ear. I shivered with want.**

**Drew's expression was odd at first…a cross of anger and lust….and maybe a little sadness…****But then Drew stood up, and walked over and seemed oblivious to Justin as he kissed me.**

**And suddenly I was in a haze…**

**I had two sets of hands all over me, caressing, pinching, trailing between my ass cheeks and thighs.**

"**God…" I moaned, and I felt Drew pause for a moment as I writhed in earnest against Justin behind me. And then he took off his clothes.**

"Shit, DiNozzo…" Gibbs breathed.

**Once his hands were on me again, I felt Justin also pause and step away behind me to disrobe.**

_I should stop reading this_, Gibbs thought. But…he didn't want to.

**After a moment I felt Justin's hot skin against the back of my body as Drew leaned down to take one of my nipples between his teeth.**

**I gasped, and then made a desperate, needy sound as I felt a finger enter me from behind.**

**I moaned more loudly as the finger was joined by another, and then both pushed in and out of my slick channel. "Oh!" I cried out. **

**And then I reached out for Drew, for his beautiful cock, now rock hard, and stroked it. I could feel his body trembling as much as mine was. I was relieved he had gotten excited by all this.**

**I leaned down as he watched me with intensity, and took the head into my mouth. He shuddered and his hips moved a little.**

**Before I could do any more, Justin murmured, lets take this to the couch before we all fall over…"**

**Drew backed up and sat, while I got on the couch on my hands and knees, and stuck my face in Drew's lap. Justin got behind me, caressing my back and ass, and kneeled in back of me while I heard him doing something.**

**He had stooped and grabbed a condom out of his jeans and was opening it. **

**I quickly looked at Drew, who was turning colors again, chest starting to heave. I took his dick and sucked it all the way into my mouth and throat. I heard him gasp and felt his body arch, and I dragged my mouth and tongue up and down his salty skin, and tugged a little on his balls resting on the ankle of his folded leg.**

**I stopped just for a moment and murmured, "Up…kneel…" and Drew shifted so he was kneeling on the couch, facing Justin.**

**I continued to lick and suck Drew, while I could feel Justin fingering my pussy again. God, I was going to crack in half when I came. **

"**Mmmmmmhhh" I moaned around Drew's shaft, and then yelped when suddenly I felt Justin push himself inside me. He was even bigger than Drew! I hadn't really even gotten a good look at his dick but it was filling me completely and I groaned in mind-bending pleasure as he grabbed my hips and started to thrust.**

**I sucked and sucked on Drew…feeling his fingers on one of my nipples, pinching…pulling.**

**One of Justin's hands left my hip, and I heard Drew mutter a warning, as Justin reached out to touch him…**

**I didn't worry about it. I couldn't. I was caught up in the lust, the heat, the absolute feeling I was a glorious sex toy being used by two men. It was…incredible.**

**I began to moan uncontrollably, feeling the distant buzz of my orgasm starting to build, my pussy getting wetter and wetter with every thrust of Justin's beast inside me.**

**I added my hand to my mouth on Drew as I moaned, twisting…stroking, next to my lips. And now he started to moan too.**

**That's when Justin succeeded in stroking Drew's chest with his hand…pinching a nipple.**

**Both Drew's hands were on my shoulders…and now I was getting so close I started to sob with the need to cum.**

**I let Drew's cock pop out of my mouth for a moment and grunted out darkly, "Fuck my face!"**

**Drew gasped and made a little whimper of a sound as he quickly grabbed the back of my hair and did just that…**

"**Such a bad little girl…" I heard Justin murmur. "Letting two men fuck her…I'm gonna' cum in that hot pussy of yours sweetheart…" his thrusts came harder and I think we were all getting close. **

**All I knew then, is that with the addition of putting my own hand back to my clit, and feeling the huge cock and balls slamming into me from behind, I was almost there. I sucked harder for a moment as Drew shoved his dick in and out of my mouth, and then the octave of my noises went up and up…**

**Both men knew I was about to lose it completely, and they were mercilessly rutting into my orifices as they approached their releases as well.**

**I choked and screamed around Drew's cock, and my vision exploded with white as I had the strongest orgasm of my entire life. My whole body felt like it was pulsing over and over, and I could feel Justin's cock swell in me impossibly bigger and then still, painfully throbbing into the condom.**

**I was faint and dizzy ad my own spasms slowed, and I sucked Drew in earnest, since he had still not come and was moaning softly above me.**

**Hard and fast now with my shaking hand, his hips moving faster and faster…I heard him grunt, and gasp a little, and then…nothing…**

**His body started to tense, shuddering, and I knew he was about to cum, so I sat back, stroking harder with my hands, getting quite a shock when I saw above me that Justin had grabbed Drew's head, pulling them together, and they were locked in a crazed, desperate kiss. Drew cried out into Justin's mouth as he came all over my face.**

"_**FUCK!" **_Gibbs yelled, throwing the book across his living room furiously, as it knocked over a lamp.

He clenched his sweating hands, forcing himself to calm his breathing…and ignore the stain of precum that had leaked through his jeans.


	6. Chapter 6

Gibbs sat tiredly at his desk.

The several cups of coffee so far not helping relieve the fatigue he felt, after getting next to no sleep.

_Because of that damned book._

He looked up as he heard the elevator ding. It was early for most people to be in…

It was Tony, which for some reason set a small increase in his heart rate.

And that annoyed him.

He took in the slow gait, and sunglasses. DiNozzo hadn't slept again. He just _knew_ it. Gibbs shook his head to himself, angry at Wendy once more.

"Morning Boss," Tony said tiredly as he took off his sunglasses and threw his bag down.

At least the suit was less serious.

"Morning, DiNozzo. Isn't it a little early for you?" Gibbs asked, as he took in the dark shades under Tony's eyes.

Tony looked at him and smiled.

Even exhausted, Gibbs took in, as if for the first time, that Tony did have very long eyelashes, and very attractive green eyes…and his mouth…

Gibbs looked down suddenly busying himself at his desk, trying to ignore the flush that threatened to climb up his neck, and not understanding why he'd even had that last thought. It had to be that _**goddamned**_ book.

"I'yah…guess I just woke up early for some reason," Tony said casually, turning to his computer after Gibbs looked away from him. "Just thought I'd get in a little early…get some paperwork done. Requisition forms…I have to order Ziva those gel pens she likes…because the others don't write well and she just tosses them out be-"

Tony suddenly looked up, letting out a surprised squeak as he found pale blue eyes very close to his…too close…

"Ah…" he sat back in his chair as Gibbs leaned over him, intently studying his face. "Everything…ok Boss?" Tony asked feeling sure he must have done something to piss Gibbs off already.

Instead, the older man tilted his head, and said, "You sleep _at all_ last night, Tony?"

Wait…was that…_concern_ from Gibbs? Tony felt immediately thrown. He scrambled for a cover.

"Uh, well…I…went out with Amanda…you know, that girl from the car dealership, and-"

"Uh-huh," Gibbs scowled, as he stood up. Then he returned to his usual gruff tone. "I'd better not catch you asleep at your desk today." And with that he walked out calling, "Coffee," behind him.

Tony blew out a sigh after Gibbs left, and rubbed his eyes for a moment. He put his head in his hands.

He couldn't tell Gibbs that he hadn't slept much in several days…since Wendy told him about her book. He thought about it almost every minute he wasn't busy trying to find Rick Walsh.

He kept feeling like he was on borrowed time.

Part of him knew that he would never lose his job, per se, at NCIS over the allegations in that book. Even if someone gave a crap enough to connect the dots…

But it wasn't the job he was worried about. It was _respect_. If the people around him lost respect for him…he wouldn't be able to work with them anymore. He knew that. You couldn't do this job unless you trusted the people closest to you to have your back. He might lose them. His family. And Gibbs…hours of thinking about what it might be like…not having the older man in his life…

He couldn't breathe again.

"Shit," he gasped, hunching down a little over his knees in his chair, and grateful he was alone. The panic attacks had also come over the last several nights. He had to get a grip.

He breathed deeply. "Come on, DiNozzo…there are pens to order…and there's a bad guy out there that needs catching." He sat up and took a few more breaths, looking upwards for a moment in silent prayer for strength, and then turned back to his computer.

* * *

When Gibbs returned he quietly placed a coffee on Tony's desk, and went to his own without the SFA even noticing until his chair made it's usual clank sound.

Tony looked up at him and then noticed the coffee. He looked gratefully at Gibbs. "Thanks Boss."

Gibbs nodded wordlessly and opened a older on his desk.

Within an hour, both Ziva and McGee arrived, glancing curiously at Tony, still concerned as to what was going on with him.

They barely said good morning when Tony asked McGee, "Probie, how far'dya get yesterday on Walsh's credit card trail?"

Gibbs and Ziva looked up, also wanting to hear McGee's response.

"Ah…" McGee said, turning on his computer and reaching for his note pad. "Walsh frequented three other places with regularity, besides the Copper Whistle. Two are strip clubs, and the other is Taco Bell, believe it or not."

"The guy made, like _how_ much money on Angela Simms and likely several other women, and he eats at Taco Bell all the time?' Tony marveled.

"Well, it is not unlike a grown man in a law enforcement career, who wears expensive shoes and keeps a Mighty Mouse stapler, on his desk, no?" Ziva said with a little smile.

"_No_, it is not like that Ziva. C'mon," Tony said, getting up and pulling up Walsh's bank records along with attempted hidden accounts as well onto the big screen. "This guy made upwards of one point three million last year. Taco Bell? Seriously?"

"Not like having a pizza addiction at all, " said McGee, needling Tony some more.

"Probie," Tony warned, "Never mock the pizza. It kept me alive in college. It keeps us fueled during long cases. Pizza is good hot. It's good cold. And even bad pizza, is good pizza."

Gibbs smiled a little to himself, at the more Tony-like response they were getting from him. Then he put on his game face.

"That Taco Bell near any of the strip joints, McGee?" Gibbs asked, getting up.

McGee looked a his screen, as Ziva got up and walked over, interested in where Gibbs was going with the point.

"Uh, yeah, Boss it is. It's near the "Painted Lady" gentlemen's club. So…what, Walsh likes to get a taco before-"

"Spending lots of time there," Tony said. "Most guys will just drop in for a drink or two, or a lap dance. If Walsh was regularly dining around the place, he probably spent a lot of time there…"

"And maybe some of his girls dance there as well?" ZIva asked, her dark eyes flashing like a cat about to pounce.

"Exactly," Tony said. "And…I'm thinkin', maybe he could be hiding out with one of his Ciccolinas." Tony smiled at her, and then looked at Gibbs. "Whaddy'a think, Boss?"

Gibbs looked at Tony, and gave him a subtle smile. "Worth a shot. Take Ziva. See if anyone's in."

"Onnit Boss," Tony said as Ziva grabbed her bag and followed him out to the elevator.

"McGee, keep digging on anything else you can find on Walsh."

"You got it Boss," McGee said, as Gibbs headed towards the lab.

* * *

Abby saw Gibbs arrive, with Caf-Pow this time, in the new rear-view mirror. She was proud of her new technological addition. It was actually the side mirror off a Mack truck cab.

"Hey Gibbs!" she said, smiling into the mirror before she spun around on her stool.

He immediately handed her the Caf-Pow, and she sipped it with a look of pure ecstasy on her face, and he smiled at the fluorescent crossbones ponytail holders adorning her dark pigtails.

She put it down, and then looked at Gibbs. "So?"

He knew she was asking if he read the book.

He took a deep breath, and absently rubbed the back of is head. "I only got through maybe a third. I could only stomach so much of it."

Abby sighed, looking at him compassionately. "You feel bad…cos' it's about Tony. But Gibbs, just read it. Tonight. Or-or sooner. ASAP. You have to…" her eyes veered away from him for a moment. And then she said in a low voice, with her eyes back on his, "I can't…talk to him…about this."

"Why not?" he frowned a little.

"Oh, I mean, I'd love to ask him, like a million questions…and . God. So hot...e-even though...it's Tony...but…"she shook her head,"I think he may need reassurance to…come from a man. Particularly, you."

Gibbs opened his mouth to speak but she continued.

"I mean, DADT is gone, and things are so much better now…and you're not a bigot..,and you're an …_authority figure and yourhisbestfriend andhelooksuptoyou…"_

It became a nervous stream of words as she saw the look on Gibbs' face changing…his eyes widening in shock.

_DADT_? His head was swimming, and suddenly his mouth felt incredibly dry. He felt slightly dizzy…maybe the world had just turned upside-down. Tony was…what _was_ he? Gay? Bi? _Jesus!_

"You didn't get to those parts…well, just, read it. Okay Gibbs? I don't wanna make it worse for him than it is. I mean, I don't see anything wrong with what he did…other than Wendy was maybe not the best choice…but if you talk to him, maybe he will feel better…and then can talk to me too…But you have to help him before this book comes out…" She bit her lip, seeing that Gibbs had turned a paler shade than he usually was to begin with.

Gibbs continued to stare at her. He could barely wrap his head around it. Tony had sex with another man? He definitely needed to read the rest of the book…but felt somewhat out of his usual capacity to make sense right now.

One thing was for sure. Besides that Gibbs thought it possible he might actually have a stroke soon. Tony had to be horrified such an intimate…and possibly controversial detail of his life was going to be exposed. He had to do something to stall the release of Wendy's book, until he could…figure out how to help Tony.

She smiled when she saw "that" look pass over Gibbs face, as he tilted his head for a moment, and then nodded as he turned to leave.

"That's our man," she smiled into her rear view mirror again.

* * *

Gibbs sat in his car, in the NCIS garage to make the call. He got the information from McGee, and then threatened him with loss of limb if he told anyone about it.

"Kepler Publishing," a receptionist answered.

He squinted at the name scrawled on the note paper. "Yes, I'm looking for an Orlon Pink ?" what a name, he thought.

"Who may I say is calling?"

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs."

"One moment," the voice said and then Gibbs was listening to the classical music on hold for several moments.

The line clicked and he heard,"Pink."

"Orlon Pink?"

"Yes."

"I'm calling on behalf of a third party interested in the book you are about to release by Wendy Miller."

"What about it?"

"She didn't get permission from the concerned party, to publish details of their personal life she used in the book. In addition, she's publishing under her own name, and not a pen name. Which also puts her and Kepler publishing in position to be sued for not getting that permission."

"Mr…Gibbs was it? The book has already checked through legal, before printing, and is due to ship to the warehouse this week for distribution. The book still falls under the heading of fiction, so though some experience of hers may have been reflected in the book, she used different names and surely has molded a much more fanciful story of it than anyone would take as fact. I don't see that there's anything to worry about."

"You don't? Well alright, I guess we will proceed with filing the suit-"

"Suit? I don't see that being necessary or even effective for your purposes Mr. Gibbs, and you'll be wasting everyone's time and money and possibly interfering with the start of Ms. Miller's writing career…can't you come in with the related party if you'd like to talk-"

"I suggest you delay the book's release and talk to your writer, Mr. Pink. We will call in a weeks time to set something up."

"Mr. Gibbs, what Law frim did you say you were from? How do we-"

"Have a nice day, Mr. Pink. We'll be in touch." Gibbs hung up.

Probably wouldn't stop it from release without Tony taking legal action. But hopefully it would buy a little time while Pink chased Wendy down to make sure every "i" was dotted.

* * *

Ziva and Tony returned in the late afternoon, empty-handed, and frustrated. But they did have three names of dancers, for McGee to check out. They'd gone to the Painted Lady first, and then all three girls' apartments after the manager gave them the information. Only one was home, and claimed she hadn't seen Walsh in a few weeks. They would have to go back to check on the other two again.

Ziva was at McGee's desk, watching over his shoulder as he set up the checks for the dancers' names. If any of the girls seemed to have a rather high income (even for a stripper) it might indicate some other involvement with Walsh.

Gibbs watched as Tony made some notes, and then sat back, and seemed to zone out a little. He still looked very tired, and now had an unhealthy pallor to his face.

He watched as Tony rubbed his eyes, and then sat blinking for a moment, with his long eyelashes, until he looked up and saw Gibbs staring at him.

Their eyes locked for a few seconds, and Gibbs looked away.

"Alright. Go home. Back at it tomorrow," Gibbs said, as McGee and Ziva immediately started to get their things together.

Tony sighed. Home. He didn't want to go home. Right now, home was where the walls were closing in, where he could imagine having to pack all his belongings in boxes to move to another city to try and erase the pain of losing the people closest to him.

He moved slowly, and McGee and Ziva had already said goodbye and jumped on the elevator, when he found Gibbs standing next to his desk.

"DiNozzo, my office," Gibbs said quietly, and strode toward the elevator bank with Tony following slowly behind.

Tony sighed deeply. What now? He thought. Maybe Gibbs was disappointed he hadn't tracked down Walsh yet?

Gibbs stepped on, and Tony behind him. The doors closed, and as expected, Gibbs hit the switch.

He stared at the younger man now, whose eyes were roaming the closed elevator doors. He stepped closer to Tony, who was waiting for Gibbs to say what was on his mind.

The wary green eyes finally met Gibbs' face. "Somethin' wrong, Boss?"

"You tell me."

Tony looked at Gibbs intently, and seemed to be thinking, and then quickly said, "Nope…just tired. Nothin' to tell Boss." Then he looked away.

"If there were…somethin' to tell, I hope you'd come to me. " Gibbs sighed."You look like crap."

"Gee…thanks Boss. That is a real ego booster." He looked again at Gibbs, who was still looking back at him, with genuine concern. He saw that Gibbs was sincere. Then he said softly, "Thanks Boss." Tony knew he wasn't doing a great job of acting normal the last several days. But he was afraid that at any moment, the rug would get pulled out from under his life.

Gibbs sighed and picked up his hand, wanting to smack the back of Tony's head and tell him to stop being an ass, to just talk to him…but suddenly, he couldn't do it, He didn't really want to give him the headslap as per usual to straighten him out…

No. He couldn't do it because the truth was he just wanted to _touch_ Tony, touch his hair…his skin…did he want to comfort him? A flash of an image went through his mind…of Tony orgasming while he moaned into another man's mouth…

He slammed the switch back on, while Tony looked at him with a bit of confusion. Was Gibbs angry? He thought the talk was over…

Tony licked his lips and was about to say something when the doors opened and Gibbs quickly walked off.

* * *

"**So…you want to spend some more quality time together pretty girl?" Justin breathed into the phone.**

**Was he kidding? The three of us together was incredible…the orgasm I had…I could barely think about anything else! I clutched the receiver with both hands. Drew was in the shower.**

"**Yes…Oh God, do I. But…Drew won't even talk to me about what we did. How can I ask him again?"**

"**Well, remember Melissa, this is new for you both and…he is a pretty straight guy. I mean…that kiss was hot, believe me. I find you both very exciting…and I'd love to…broaden his horizons…But anyway, he might not wanna' do it again."**

**I sighed deeply on my end of the line.**

**Then Justin said, "You want me to talk to him?"**

"**You think you can?"**

"**Well sure, I can try. What nights are he home on this week?"**

**I hope I wasn't making a mistake. "Wednesday or Thursday?"**

Gibbs rolled his eyes and then skimmed forward some more.

**When I came home that night, I got another surprise. Justin and Drew were both in the living room, drinking beer, and apparently Justin had gotten Drew's shirt off and was massaging his shoulders. **

Hot anger bloomed through Gibbs once again at the idea of this bastard massaging …touching Tony.

**They both looked like they were surprised I was actually there.**

**I giggled at them…as I tried to see if they were sporting erections in their jeans. **

"**You starting without me?" I asked, pouting at them both as Drew looked guiltily at me.**

"**I- We weren't-" Drew stood up to come and kiss me as he stammered.**

"**Honey, it's fine. I was…hoping we could all talk…" I looked from his slightly dazed green eyes over to Justin, who was smiling and gave me a little motion with his hand to let me know things were okay. He wore contacts again...his hair loose and wavy...for me or for Drew?**

**Drew kissed me twice and smiled a little. "Yeah…okay. Talk. Let's…talk…about this…**

**I threw my bag down, giving Justin a kiss on the cheek…though I wanted to attack his heart-shaped mouth. I got a beer myself, and sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, so I could see them both as they sat on the couch.**

**Everyone was quiet.**

**I suddenly smiled and said, "Okay. Why don't we start with…did you like what we did together, all three of us?"**

**Drew looked back and forth between the two of us, and licked his lips a little nervously. He said shakily, 'Yeah. I'm…a little freaked out I guess…I'm sorry babe. I…I…did…like it though." He exhaled in relief, getting the words out.**

**Justin looked at Drew, his eyes sparkling. "I loved it, enjoyed both of you. You guys are very sexy, and very cool people." He looked at me for a moment, "And you're both pretty dirty." I shivered at those words.**

"**I really enjoyed it…and…I'd like to do it again…and more of it…and explore…" I looked hopefully at Drew, who now looked like he was going to bolt again.**

**He took a shaky breath in.**

"**Drew?" I called, to try and prompt a response from him.**

"**I'd love to do it again…I'd love to have you both," Justin said, and this time, Drew shivered, as he gazed at Justin for a moment, wide-eyed.**

"You…fuck…" Gibbs growled.

**After a moment, Drew shifted a little on the couch, looking around the room almost desperately. He looked at me a long while, and dropped his head down. "I don't think you guys understand something…"**

**Justin and I both looked at him expectantly.**

"**Make us," I said. "I mean, if you don't want to do it, it's okay." I said, and then reached across the table to place my hand on his knee.**

**He bit his lip for a moment.**

"**I don't know, if you realize how dangerous this could be for me if anyone gets the idea I did anything with a guy." Drew's words were quietly spoken, and deadly serious.**

"**What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly feeling afraid. **

"**I mean," he began, putting his hand over mine and giving it a little squeeze, "that even though it isn't right, some of the guys if not most, don't react well if they think someone on the job is gay."**

"**Or Bi?" Justin asked.**

"**I guess…it just…could be bad if you're around guys who might not have your back when you need them…"Drew tried hard to explain.**

"**And in your line of work," Justin said slowly, "that means you could get killed."**

**Drew looked at Justin gratefully, and nodded. "Yes."**

"**So…you're not…ashamed of what we did?" I asked Drew, wanting to understand all of his thoughts on this.**

"**Ahhh," he looked around again, thinking, "No…maybe I would be if the guys found out at the job…but you now, I had gay friends in college. And a few who just…experimented. And I just…didn't have the guts. I mean…I guess I'm a little conflicted. I am…curious…"he said, and looked at Justin, whose eyes were starting to burn with lust as he gazed at Drew's face. **

Gibb wanted to light the book on fire.

"**But, my main concern," he said turning back to look at me with his beautiful green eyes, "is us. I don't want to take the risk of ruining out relationship."**

**I smiled at him. I loved him so much.**

"**I can understand your concerns, my friend," Justin said. "I don't do this couples thing often, but…in my field, it wouldn't be great either if people knew. If it makes you feel better, I can tell you I have every reason to also keep things discreet, and maybe if we proceed, it should only be behind closed doors."**

**Drew was quiet. Thinking.**

**Justin continued. "Also, please understand, I'm not looking to take Melissa from you. I am attracted to you both, and would love nothing more than to be someone you can really explore with safely."**

**I looked at them both, saying a silent prayer to myself, that Drew would agree to it. Any other concerns…I pushed from my mind.**

Of course you did, Gibbs thought. Stupid girl.

**Drew took a breath and stood up, and paced a little while Justin and I looked at each other.**

"Don't do it, DiNozzo," Gibbs begged, knowing already what the answer was.

**Finally he turned to us and said, "Okay."**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 5**

**Other Worlds Colliding**

**Drew was really, really nervous. I might even say terrified, but he was also charged with excitement.**

**This was going to be the night. It was three days after "the talk". What we had done after was satisfying to me, but I knew there was so much more to this for Drew, who had never had a man before.**

Gibbs absently ground his teeth, already feeling the anger seep into his nerve endings.

**Justin brought dinner over, Chinese food, and while we ate (and Drew picked at his food) he hinted that he also brought over some "preparation tools".**

"**What…what…kind of tools?" Drew asked, as Justin took a bite of orange chicken. **

**He smiled at Drew. "Well," he said, putting down his fork,"maybe not dinner conversation… but what the hell. If you're going to have sex in the back door, you gotta' clean and prep it. Makes for a more…pleasurable experience for all."**

**Drew stared at Justin, with his mouth slightly agape. "What makes you think I want you to do **_**me**_**? Maybe it's the other way around?"**

**Justin smiled and laughed, "Well, I certainly hope we can do both of those things. But…since you have no experience, I'd rather not get …damaged in the process. If I do it to you first, you will learn how to handle yourself before the other way around. Besides…I sort of felt you were more curious…to know what it's like to have someone in you."**

Gibbs growled angrily. If he ever met this Justin Kimble…he had to remind himself that Justin was a fictitious name, and that he had yet to discover just who this Justin really was. And then hunt him down and...make him suffer a painful death.

**Drew tried to form words, but he was a little overwhelmed, and then just shook his head, letting out a shaky breath.**

**I leaned over and kissed Drew's cheek, and smiled. "Then you can learn how to do it to me too…"**

**He turned his green eyes on me, a little spark of amusement in them covering the anxiety. "You are a dirty girl. I didn't know you wanted that."**

"**Well…yeah. I just didn't ask you. I dunno' why. I should have," I said, and then kissed him on the mouth.**

**Half an hour later, I was lying on the bed, naked, with a plug in my ass for the first time. Justin had taken me in the bathroom first, to show me how to prep with an enema, lubrication, and a beginner's plug. He inserted it while I was leaning over, pulling his cock out of his pants to tease him. But once in place, he sent me out and called Drew in. Drew looked at me from his seat on the bed. He still had his polo shirt and jeans on. I giggled and turned around, bending a little so he could see the plug. His eyes widened, and then he looked nervously at Justin who was leaning in the bathroom doorway, big hard cock peeking out from his half un-zippered pants as I'd left it. Drew looked back at my plug. My anus throbbed around it.**

Gibbs blew out a frustrated breath and skimmed forward.

**Justin said, "It's not a bad idea to cum once first, before you attempt anal sex…it goes much easier if you're relaxed… he motioned for Drew to lie back on the bed, and for me to get on top of him, facing the headboard…**

**My pulse was quickening with anticipation. **

**Justin straddled Drew's legs behind me, and I felt his hands come around and brush over my breasts as Drew watched my face intensely. I smiled looking down at him, and gasped when Justin pinched my nipples. I was already getting slick with excitement. And so was Drew.**

**I looked down and put my hands on his dick, which was hard as a rock. I wondered if that little throb in his asshole where Justin had put the plug in, was as pleasurable to him as it was to me. I asked him in a lusty voice, "How's your ass honey? Does it feel good?"**

Gibbs forced himself to breathe, not understanding why he couldn't seem to get enough air.

**Drew's lips parted a little, and a light sweat was forming over his skin. His brown-tinged nipples were hard as well. He nodded, still looking at me intently with those green eyes, and watching Justin's hands as they roamed my flesh.**

**Drew lifted a hand and put his thumb over my clit, beginning the slow circles he knew drove me to madness. I moaned softly, throwing my head back and bucking against that wonderful thumb.**

**I felt Justin shift a little behind me, and reach around me to take Drew's cock from my hands and start to stroke it himself.**

**Drew sucked in a sharp breath, green eyes glowing awe as he stared at Justin's face behind me for a moment, and I could feel his body shudder beneath me. Thank God he kept that thumb moving, though he had staggered the motion for an instant when Justin touched him. Drew took his other hand, and gripped the headboard behind him as if for life.**

"**Such a beautiful cock, isn't it Melissa?" Justin crooned in my ear, as Drew started to buck up against us both a little, into Justin's hand. I watched his long fingers pull up and down Drew's length, twisting a little every time he reached the top, the ripe looking purple-ish head, leaking with several beads of fluid. **

"**So beautiful," I murmured in agreement, leaning forward and licking those several drops off. Drew groaned and trembled, looking at both of us with half-lidded eyes.**

"**You want that dick?" Justin said sweetly, and I thought I was going to explode already. **

"**Y-yes," I choked out, sitting up a little again.**

**Justin gently pushed Drew's hand away from my body, and Drew held onto the headboard with both now. With one more pull on Drew's cock, he withdrew his hand and said, "Get on top of that cock…use it…it's your cock…"**

**I grabbed Drew's straining, rock hard erection, and took it quickly into my hot pussy with a shout of relief. Justin made me still for a moment as our breaths came in ragged gasps. I ached to cum…so bad…**

"**Lean forward," Justin said gently and I did. "Now ride the fuck out of him."**

**I smiled in pure joy as I did just that. I immediately started to raise myself up and down, as hard as I could on Drew's cock, as he moaned and shook, eyes practically rolling in his head.**

**Justin shifted beside us, stroking himself a few times, before he started to alternate from tugging on Drew's balls and playing with the butt plugs in our asses. **

"**Oh…God…"I heard Drew gasp once or twice, as his body strained and thrust upwards into me. **

**I felt Justin pushing me to sit up a little again, and then his hands were tweaking my nipples several times, and making little circles on my clit as Drew had while I continued to devour Drew with my desperate channel.**

**Then I felt it…Justin had one hand still in front of me, teasing with those maddening circles, and the other was pulling out the plug and ramming it back into my ass.**

**My eyes were closed now, as I approached the orgasm. There was no way in hell I could ever stop it, though I wanted to last longer... I heard Justin command Drew, "Don't cum yet. This dirty slut right here…she cums first on that fat cock of yours."**

"**Fuck…" I heard Drew grunt, straining to control himself, to keep the waves of pleasure at bay…**

**Justin's hands played me like a violin…Drew was pumping in an out of my pussy while that plug was fucking my ass at the same time.**

**This time, I was actually dizzy even before the orgasm hit. Justin crooned again in my ear, "Cum for me baby…do it…allover that big dick…"**

**And I shrieked my head off, spewing nonsensical obscenities as my insides clamped down on Drew and the plug, and I felt the spasms of my release flood Drew with more moisture.**

**I came to my senses finally and saw that Drew had his eyes clenched shut in concentration, his whole body shaking with need as he tried to breathe through his nose.**

"**Up," Justin commanded, and I moved quickly off Drew, his cock popping out of my body and slapping against his body with a loud, wet smack.**

**As I listed to the side a moment, still breathing heavily from my big "O", Justin leaned forward, his cock bumping against Drew's thigh. He touched Drew's face gently. And as Drew opened his eyes, Justin leaned down and took his lips in a searing kiss. I started to get excited all over again seeing it.**

**Drew's hands loosened and he was about to drop a hand off and onto Justin, but, the wavy-haired blonde would not allow it. He placed Drew's hands back on the headboard and then smiled, crawling back down Drew's body as the green eyes blinked dazedly.**

**It was quite a sight, my beautiful tan-skinned Drew, with his sprinkling of chest hair, gripping the headboard. His long toned body tense, shaking. And this gorgeous blonde man with blues eyes, gazing at Drew as if he were a meal he was about to enjoy. Justin was paler, with more pink to his nipples and genitalia, and he was a smooth as a baby…skin like milk…**

**I nearly grabbed at my own pussy as I saw Justin take Drew's cock in his hand, open his mouth, and let the whole of it all the way into his throat.**

**Drew arched almost off the bed with a strangled cry, as I watched Justin start to work in earnest, pulling and sucking with lips and tongue and hands…I almost wished I had a dick myself, just to have Justin do that to me.**

"**Ohhhhhhh….fuck! Fuck!" Drew said loudly, and then started to almost sob with need.**

**Justin popped his mouth off Drew for a moment, just to quickly say, "Do it. I want it all down my throat…come on…" and resumed with vigor, his long body draped across the bed.**

**I'd never seen Drew so beside himself. And it was incredibly hot. I dunno' what made me do it, but I pinched his nipples...a little mercilessly. He gave me a glance but couldn't seem to keep his eyes from rolling.**

**He was thrusting up into Justin's mouth like a wild animal, and I knew he was cumming when his frantic jerking stuttered, and his whole body clenched. He wasn't even breathing I think, when he finally gasped and came. He collapsed on the bed, eyes wild and blinking rapidly as his hips jerked involuntarily over and over into Justin's mouth.**

**Finally, Justin lifted his head and smiled, purring.**

**Drew had become very still, and almost looked like he'd passed out, as I stroked his face and kissed his temple.**

**But Justin wasn't done, his huge member jutting out from his body as he sat up. "Up! " He demanded from Drew, who was boneless.**

"**Mmm…wha?" Drew slurred, in his post-orgasmic haze.**

"**Come on Drew, up." Justin helped him, guiding him up and then over, saying, "All fours…hands and knees…that's it…just lean, and if you need grab the headboard again."**

**Drew was still fairly languid as he obeyed.**

**Justin grabbed me as I also sat up, and kissed me deeply for a moment. His tongue swirled around mine, and then he pulled away, nibbling on my lip a little. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye. He raised a brow, "My turn. When you see he's a little hard…grab his dick and suck it."**

**I nodded, with a serious demeanor, feeling a little apprehensive for Drew. I hoped this wasn't going to hurt him…**

**Justin hopped off the bed, and got the lube, and then got behind Drew, who was almost in child's pose asleep on the bed.**

**Justin carefully pulled the plug in Drew's ass, moving it around, eliciting a little groan from Drew as he leaned up a little and let his head rest in his folded arms.**

"**Watch now pretty girl. You both should remember how to do this." He winked at me, and then pulled the plug out entirely. Drew sighed in relief.**

**I was amazed that Drew's asshole was so…nice to look at. I'd never thought to…it was like a little puckered sand dollar, pink tinged with brown, and now slightly open.**

**I watched as Justin showed me one finger, poured lube on it and Drew's pretty hole, and then slowly inserted it as he let out a little gasp.**

"**You wanna' use one finger, and slowly make circles in there," Justin explained, "and don't rush it. The skin and muscle need to be warmed. Otherwise, it could go badly…and you can tear it. So you have to be careful and allow the body to adjust." **

**I was loving this tutorial, watching Drew's skin continue to glisten with sweat, hearing him pant and gasp a little as Justin worked in another finger, and then another…I was amazed.**

**And then he said, "Now, remember this, the most pleasure comes from hitting the prostate from the inside. So if you curl your fingers forward a little towards the front of the body-"**

"**Ah!" Drew yelped, and then started to tremble and gasp. "Oh my God!"**

**As Justin worked his fingers just the right way, Drew writhed in pleasure, and even started to thrust back onto Justin's hand. **

**Justin motioned with his chin for me to get on the bed now and get ready…I was excited beyond measure at what was going to happen next. He got directly behind Drew, skimming his hands over the damp skin of his ass and thighs…his cock bumping against Drew's ass cheeks.**

**He sat back just a little, thumbing and fingering that lovely open ass, and murmured, "it's gonna' hurt a little Drew, but only in the beginning…I promise."**

**Drew barely acknowledged that he heard Justin, but raised himself up a little, gripping the headboard with one hand, and resting his head on the other arm, bent on top of it.**

**Justin followed and moved up.**

**We both saw then that Drew was semi-erect, so I crawled under him, and took him in my mouth, fondling his balls and swirling my tongue around him.**

**He murmured something incoherent, and then I knew Justin must have started to breech him, because suddenly he was trembling and gasping again.**

"**Easy…easy…"Justin whispered behind him. "A little at a time…"**

**Drew whimpered, hiding his face in his arm. I saw the knuckles of the hand on the headboard had turned white.**

**Suddenly he arched and cried out a little, as Justin sighed, "Yeah…that's it…a little more…"**

**Drew's breathing was becoming ragged. I felt Justin push a little more behind him…**

"**God…" Drew blurted out…"I can't…I…just do it already!"**

**And then Justin's hands came up to Drew's hips, pulling him all the way onto that monstrosity of a penis.**

**Drew bit back a sob, as Justin stroked him gently, his head and back and ass. He said softly, "Concentrate on what's happening to your cock right now…"**

**He'd gone a little soft, but when Justin said those words, I felt Drew's cock hardening again in my mouth. I groaned.**

**Justin continued to stroke and whisper things to Drew, giving his body a chance to adjust to the rude intrusion.**

**After while, it seemed Drew had relaxed, and Justin sat up, placing his hands back onto Drew's hips, slowly began to move in and out.**

**Drew gasped for breath, and then yelped when Justin suddenly plunged into him at a different angle.**

"**God…Gooohhhd…please…" Drew started to beg, and I got nervous for a minute…was he still in pain? But, his dick was full and hard in my hands as I licked and sucked the head of it.**

"**What…what do you want," Justin asked playfully as he stilled his hips purposefully, to frustrate Drew. **"**You like it?" Justin asked huskily. "You like my big dick in your ass?"**

**This got just a whimper from Drew. **

"**Tell me," Justin said. "Tell me you like it, or I'll stop."**

"**I like it," came the bare whisper. "Please," Drew said more loudly, raising his head a little to say "Do it! Fuck me!"**

**I heard Justin snicker, and then it became a frenzy of rutting hips and moans of ecstasy. He was thrusting into Drew and pulling down on his hips at the same time, and must have been hitting the sweet spot because Drew started screaming, almost crying with the intensity of it.**

"**Yeah….I'm gonna cum in you pretty boy…and you're gonna take it all…" Justin grunted, hips snapping wildly. And when he started to falter, archng his back into Drew, shouting "Now! YOU FUCKIN'…OHHHH GODDAMN!" I knew he was cumming, and Drew quietly shuddered and came down my throat as I swallowed down the more reasonable second load.**

Gibbs sat, letting the book drop from his fingers, with his own cock in his hands, stroking it, body tense and damp with sweat. Thinking about Tony…getting a dick up his ass and cumming on it had sent him into an unreasonable state. He barely knew when he'd unzipped his pants and started touching himself, but now his head swam in a haze of anger and jealousy and want….images of Tony _naked_ next to him permeated his reason…Tony's lips on his lips…on his cock…Tony's ass taking him all in…

"Ah-ah-ah…No! God!" he stuttered out as he came into his fist, like a geyser, cum running up, out and over his hand, flowing down onto his open pants.

He slumped back on the couch panting, and closed his eyes, already feeling deep shame, and slightly sickened by the sight, the sticky evidence that he was just a pervert who wanted to fuck his best friend.


	8. Chapter 8

It was an hour before Gibbs could work up the nerve to open the book again. He cleaned himself up, pushing his shame and guilt, and the fact that he'd completely lost control of himself out of his mind.

He had to get a grip.

"Man-up marine," he muttered to himself. He had to finish the damned book. And finish it tonight. Get it over with and then he could get back to normal. And help Tony.

He skimmed forward in the same chapter.

**Drew came in so quietly, I didn't even know he'd come home. I was in the kitchen, making dinner for us, when out of the corner of my eye I saw him sitting there. He didn't even put the light on in the living room…**

**Something just felt wrong.**

"**Hon?" I called walking in around the sofa. "Drew?" He didn't respond ad I turned the light on.**

**I gasped at the swollen bruise on his jaw and cut across the bridge of his nose. He looked up at me, sadly, as I blurted out, "What the hell happened?"**

**He'd come home with cuts and bruises before…but it was the look in his eyes,,,and the fact he hadn't even taken his coat off.**

**His brow creased a little as he looked down at his hands, and murmured "Jim and I had a little…problem…today."**

**Jim was his partner on the job. And one of his best friends in Baltimore. We'd had many dinners at Jim's house. Hi wife Nancy was a great cook. And very sweet.  
**

**I sat next to him, putting my hand on his cheek, careful not to touch the red and purple swelling.**

**He pulled away a little and said, "Doesn't fucking matter." He got up, and then pulled his jacket off and went into the bedroom, leaving me perplexed and a little frightened.**

**I followed him in, and he was changing into sweats. I saw more bruising on his back, around one shoulder blade, as he took off his button down and put on a tee shirt.**

**I was at a loss. He'd never cut me off like that.**

"**Can you…just…sit…" I said, tugging gently at his arm and guiding him to sit on the bed.**

**He did, and the look in his eyes…they were a little bloodshot, and he started to tear up.**

"**Please," I whispered. "What's wrong? What happened?"**

**He licked his lips, and then looked around the room. Finally, he just flopped back on the bed with a sigh, staring at the ceiling. In a hoarse, broken tone, he said, "Jim's sister was at Mephisto's two weeks ago…"**

**_Oh God._ That was the night we were there…and Justin had his hands all over us…**

"**Jim…saw his sister last night, who apparently filled him in on how another guy was feeling me up on the dance floor. And he asked me about it today."**

"**And...you told him?" I asked carefully.**

"**What? No…I just guess I didn't hide my surprise he knew, or deny it soon enough. Next thing I knew…my…partner…threw me against a brick wall and punched me in the face."**

**I had no words. My heart broke for him. "What happened after that?" I ran my hand along his arm.**

"**He went to the chief, and had himself switched to another partner."**

'**I…oh my God. What happened? They didn't fire you did they?"**

"**Oh," he smiled bitterly, as I saw a tear drift down from the corner of his eye…"The Chief called me in…said he …understood that Jim didn't wanna' be my partner anymore since I hit on his wife."**

"**You…you what?" I asked, confused.**

"**Jim…made it up. He apparently didn't hate me enough to ruin my career. Just enough to..." Drew's started to choke on the words. He raised a trembling hand to his face to swipe away the water coming from his eyes.**

"**I'm so sorry…Drew, I'm sorry…" I put my arms around him, feeling how much pain he was in.**

"**S'ok…I knew…knew it c-could happen…I just…I wasn't expecting it. And I'm off for a few days before meeting my new partner. Danny…something…"**

**He turned and buried his face in my neck, as I gently stroked his hair and kissed his bruised face.**

"Jesus," Gibbs breathed. No wonder Tony was so frightened about this book coming out. He'd lost a friend and a partner to bigotry…and was probably sick over the idea it could happen again.

Gibbs shook his head, feeling pain in his heart. None of the team would ever abandon Tony, or treat him badly because of this. He should know it by now. Hell, if he'd been doing guys on the side this whole time-

Was he? Was Tony still sleeping with guys and girls?

Gibbs started to think about Tony being touched by other men, and began to feel angry…and…like he couldn't breathe again.

He made himself focus and moved forward with the book.

**When I came home that Thursday, I got a little surprise when I found Drew and Justin in bed together.**

"Nope. Not doing it," he ground out, skimming through the last several chapters. He could not bear to allow himself to get pulled into the sex scenes anymore. He felt dirty, and that he'd already crossed a line, fantasizing about his SFA.

He perused, occasionally raising an eyebrow, taking in the rest of the story.

Somewhere along the line…Justin had started messing with drugs. And of course, Melissa/Wendy didn't think it was a big deal. Which fueled a big fight between Melissa/Wendy and Drew/Tony.

"No…" Gibbs said aloud, "He would never accept that."

"**We can't do this with him anymore!" Drew snarled, throwing clean laundry into our dresser form the laundry basket. "He's losing it, Mel."**

"**But…it's not that big of a deal! Drew…it's been five months…we're in a_ relationship_ with him. He…he needs us," I said, desperate not to lose Justin. "We can help him." I knew he was slipping downhill, but…God help me, I loved them both. It was something I had refused to admit to myself until that moment.**

**Drew looked at me, with his mouth agape, and tilted his head. He'd realized it too. "Oh my God," he said, a little weakly. "You have real feelings for him."**

"**Well…I-I…" I struggled to say something intelligent to make it better. But all I could say was, "I love you both."**

**The look in Drew's eyes…was so full of pain and anger. "Melissa, this was…was supposed to be play. You told me…you_ promised_ me…" he was so upset he could barely breathe.**

"**I'm sorry…"**

"**Sorry? You're _SORRY_?" he looked around the room desperately, trying to reign in his anguish and fury. He put his hands to his face. And when he dropped them to look at me, he said in a strangled voice, "You have to make a choice. I love _you_, Melissa. Not him. And I planned a life with you. We're…Jesus Christ Melissa! We're getting married in three weeks!"**

**I was crying. I wanted to tell Drew he was right. That I only loved him. But I couldn't. I just stood there and wept as he mumbled that he needed air and walked out.**

"Good for you, Tony," Gibbs said, proud of his friend for having stood his ground, but sad for the rest of the story, which he thought he pretty much knew already.

He skimmed forward. Wendy had cut Justin off, but he still pursued them. In the end, Melissa ran off with him the night before she was supposed to marry Drew.

The final pages were not what Gibbs expected.

**And so I packed anything of value I had, and left my engagement ring on the counter for Drew, with a note. It read:**

** Dear Drew,**

**I am so sorry. I didn't mean to fall in love with Justin…but in the end, I loved both of you. And now…Justin needs me. He's entered a rehab in Miami, and I'm flying down to stay in the area. I still love you. I hope one day you will understand, I am so so sorry.**

** Melissa**

**And that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Drew had shown me more love, and loyalty than anyone has. Ever. He loved me without judgement. And I was…just too young and stupid to appreciate it.**

**I went off with Justin…and I'm sure it must have been horrible for Drew when he heard I married Justin.**

**But for all the things I'd done, and the mistakes I made, I never meant to hurt Drew. And I paid for it. In spades. **

**They say Karma's a bitch.**

**To be continued in book two, "Karma" due out March of 2013.**

"My heart bleeds for you, Wendy," Gibbs said sourly, as he tossed the book on the end table next to the couch.

_Thank God that's over with,_ Gibbs thought. He may not have read the whole book thoroughly, but he understood now, how this could have such a deep impact on Tony. He sighed deeply, scrubbing his face with his hands. How the Hell was he going to approach Tony about this? He pondered the trouble with finding the right moment, as he picked up his legs, lying out on the couch and drifting off to sleep.

* * *

_Tony was at his desk. Gibbs could hear him punching the keys as he worked._

_As if in slow motion, he saw Tony pick up his phone and dial._

_Gibbs' phone rang on his own desk._

"_Gibbs."_

"_Boss," he heard Tony call in a soft voice._

_He looked but Tony was still not looking at him directly._

"_What's up DiNozzo?"_

"_I need you…" Gibbs could hear desire in the tone of his voice._

"_What are you willing to do for it?" Gibbs asked._

"_Elevator," Tony stated, and hung up._

_Gibbs slowly hung up, watching Tony leave his desk without a backwards glance, as his heart started to softly pound in his chest and his pants felt tight around his crotch._

_With great anticipation, he slowly got up…trying to act natural as he followed after Tony to the elevator. _

_Tony had waited for him, but was facing the doors, so Gibbs was left with looking at his broad shoulders in his suit jacket, and his round ass underneath the slacks._

_They walked on at the same time, and then turned as the doors closed…_

_Gibbs flipped the switch, and in the blue light, suddenly he and Tony were both naked, skin aglow with sweat. He was fucking Tony, who was moaning in pleasure up against the wall of the elevator wall._

_Tony smelled amazing...like an amaretto cookie...and felt incredible…hot and tight, and his thighs were shaking, barely holding himself up under Gibbs' assault on his body. Gibbs had one hand on Tony's hip, and the other up against the wall near Tony's head._

"_Tell me," Gibbs growled._

"_Please…" Tony gasped._

"_Tell me," Gibbs repeated, slapping Tony's ass hard and feeling him cry out at the sudden sting._

"_Please…" his breath was hitching, and he was suddenly sobbing. "Stop…why are you hurting me, Boss?"_

_And suddenly, with horror, Gibbs realized Tony didn't want him…didn't want his ass ravaged by the hard cock connecting their bodies._

_Gibbs pulled out, heart in his mouth and a sick feeling in his belly, as Tony fell to the floor._

_And suddenly they had clothes on again, and Rick Walsh was in the elevator with them, gun still smoking from the bullet he'd put in Tony's head._

* * *

"NO!" Gibbs bolted up, frantic and gulping down air. Through his panic and pounding pulse, realization hit him. It was just a dream.

He could see the clock on the microwave. It was 03:44 hours.

The dream was very disturbing…but the feeling in it of having his dick inside Tony…he shuddered. What would it really be like?

That **goddamned** book…

_Please let this be temporary_…he prayed to himself.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Warning! Dubious consent scene in this here chapter…well kinda. Yeah. Kinda.

* * *

Tony sighed deeply, feeling completely drained by the last several nights of little sleep.

He slowly rubbed circles on his aching temples, and hen opened his eyes to look into his bathroom mirror.

"Seriously, you look like a zombie from Dawn of the Dead," he said to himself, scowling at the dark discoloration under his eyes. He snickered a bit at his own comment. "Or...maybe...Zombieland. No wonder Gibbs is lookin' at you like ya' got three heads."

He sighed again and left the bathroom, with ideas on grabbing a beer from his fridge.

There was a knock at the door. He looked up at the kitchen clock. It was almost 22:00 hours. Quickly, he went and got his Sig from the bedroom, and then said from around the entrance of the kitchen, "Yeah! Who is it?"

"Wendy. Tony…I wanna' talk to you."

"Shit," he said sourly. Again? She wants to talk_ again_? Probably about that goddamned book…

"Whaddy'ou want, Wendy?" he asked, closer to the door and lowering the gun to put the safety back on.

"Please…I just…need to talk to you…" she sounded fairly desperate, which gave him a little inner shimmer of pleasure.

He took the chain off the door, and as he opened it, took in her drawn face and white-knuckled hands gripping a manila folder.

Her dark eyes looked up at him, and he could read the apprehension in them.

"What. Do. You. Want?" he said concisely again.

"I…ah…she looked down at his toes which were peeking out from his flannel lounge pants. "My publisher called me and said someone called upset about the book…I just assumed it was you." She looked back up at him. "Can I come in?"

He stared at her for a long moment, and then said, "I never called. Maybe it was Lance. Since you're about to "out" him too. You call him up to have dinner like me? Or was the divorce so nasty he wouldn't take your calls?"

She shivered in her rain coat, momentarily struggling for words.

"Tony, Lance is dead." Her expression became sad.

He frowned for a moment, Lance is dead? Ohgod…what if…his head swam for a moment. No…I've been tested like a million times now since then. But…Wendy…

"Come in," he said with a little less steel in his tone.

She slowly walked in, and placed the envelope on his coffee table, and then sat, without removing her coat.

He closed the door, and then walked over to stand in front of her. He couldn't help another sigh escaping him, bu this one was a little shaky. "What happened?"

"I…was going to tell you the other night…but…you stormed out before I could finish telling you about what happened…what was going in the other books…"

He shook his head a little, and looked away. He raise his hands an said angrily, "**What the hell did you want me to say**? That I was so _**happy **_that you wrote this book? Jesus Wendy, really? You know what happened with Jim!" He pushed out a breath to calm himself. She opened her mouth to say something but he cut her short, "And no, I didn't call your publisher," he snapped. Then he said more softly, "What happened to Lance?"

She nodded, and said a little tearfully, "I tried…so hard. You have no idea. So many rehab centers and doctors…and then he seemed better. But…then there was a news report on tv about a murder case NCIS was involved with…and they interviewed you for just a second…and that was it." A tear fell from one of her eyes. "He started all over again." She nervously played with the edge of her raincoat. "He was…obsessed with you. He tried…tried to forget you. I thought he had. I married him and had a kid with him for God's sake! But…he couldn't be happy with me. Always talked about you. Even when we tried other three-ways again. And last year, he got really depressed after breaking up with a guy he was with…and…killed himself with drugs. All that time…I thought he loved me back, and that I was helping him because he needed me. And apparently I was a consolation prize, a little piece of you. I just didn't realize it for a very long time. God…he was in love with _you_, not me."

"I know," he breathed, the enormity of the truth finally coming out between them made him feel slightly dizzy and threatened to block his mind from working right.

"You…you knew?" she asked incredulously, eyes wide.

He nodded and sat on the edge of the coffee table. "I turned him down. He wanted a relationship…with just me…and I told him no. More than once…" Tony rubbed at the tension in his neck.

Wendy shot up from her seat, and started to pace. "How…why didn't you tell me?" She slowed, waiting for an answer.

He wouldn't look at her. "Because it was your game…what you wanted…and I thought when we got married…that you would have gotten tired of it by then."

She paced some more.

"And then…he started using…and I wanted it to stop…he was getting rough, and you didn't know everything that went down." He stared at the window in his living room while she slowed again.

"What happened?" she asked, almost choking out the words. "You…never said anything."

"You told me we were done with him. So I left it alone. I didn't think you needed to know…know that…h-he…flipped out one night after we were pretty drunk…and then I think he did a few lines or something, because he disappeared into the bathroom for a while, next thing I knew…my wrists were handcuffed to the bed, and he took some of your pantyhose and tied my feet…he got…a little crazy…"

Her face had contorted into a mix of confusion and fury. "You're lying."

He jumped up now and stood, looking over at her heatedly, "**Why** would I lie? Why? I know why I didn't tell you everything back then. But it was to _protect_ you...protect our relationship, you idiot! I wanted…to make you happy. I was looking to the future and to get past our little experiment! But you couldn't let it- let _him_ go!"

She swallowed, and looked down, with more tears tracking own her cheeks. "I thought…" she almost whispered,"that you enjoyed what we did with Lance…that you loved him a little too…"

Tony slumped. They were never going to see eye to eye on this. She was never going to really hear him.

"Wendy," he said dejectedly, "I did enjoy it…but to me it was just…recreation. You were the star…_my_ star…" his voice broke on the words, "I…loved you so much…" he said, and was surprised that after all this time, the old pain could still re-emerge and take his breath away. His vision started to blur, as his own eyes filled with tears now as well. "And Lance got too crazy. I asked you to make a choice, and you chose him. There's nothing left to say. Why did you come here?" He couldn't help the bitterness that dripped from his words.

She seemed to pull herself together a little, and looked at the manila folder on the table.

"I brought a copy of the book…for you to read. I thought…it would show you how I felt about everything, and how I remembered…and how…I know I was a fool…I wanted to tell the truth."

He nodded. "Just at my expense."

"No," she said, looking at him imploringly. "I want you to be free of this…to let it out…to live however you want to-"

"So you think I'm into guys?" he asked in a lower, almost menacing voice, "and you're gonna' _help _me by doing this? You don't know anything about who I really am. You never did."

"I-"

"Get out," he hissed.

"But I-" she held her hands up, almost begging him to listen.

"What don't you understand about **GET OUT**?" he yelled furiously.

She closed her eyes and sighed, and then nodded, as she opened them and turned to leave.

She quietly closed the door behind her, and when he heard the gentle snick of the lock, he picked up the folder and threw it against the door with a grunt.

He wiped the moisture off his face and sat heavily onto the couch.

He remembered Lance, the first time he realized Lance had started doing drugs, the night it seemed he'd gone darkside.

(flashback)

Tony laughed at Lance as his hands drifted up his chest to his shirt buttons. "You don't wanna' wait for Wendy to get home?"

"She's found us fucking before…she'll just jump in if she wants then." Lance breathed a little onto Tony's neck, and then nibbled and licked it, causing him to get hard in spite of all the alcohol they'd consumed. He was a little drunk. And Lance was turning him on.

"Okay..." Tony murmured. "Bedroom." He gently pushed Lance away, but the other man leaned in quickly and captured Tony's lips in a warm, sensual kiss.

Lance kissed better than most women.

Tony groaned into his mouth, and then chuckled, pushing him gently away again. "Come on…" he got up, and then they both made their way to the bedroom.

Tony sat on the bed while Lance's blue eyes roamed over him. He began to unbutton Tony's shirt, casually brushing his fingers over one of his nipples.

Tony's head fell back just slightly as he let out a pleasured sigh.

Lance ripped open the rest of the shirt, and pushed Tony back on the bed. Then the green eyes were fixed on him, as he peeled off Tony's jeans and underwear.

He smiled when he saw Tony's cock, engorged and lying on his belly. "That for me?"

Tony grinned, "I guess til' Wendy gets home it is." He was joking, but he saw something pass over Lance's face. Not this again.

Lance looked away and then removed his clothing, though he almost fell over once or twice after all the beer and shots of Yeager they did.

Tony snorted at him. "I dunno' Lance…you may be too drunk to fuck me anyway."

The other man snorted back. "I'd still get hard and stick it in you after a gallon of gin."

"Lucky we don't have any. Or I'd like to see you try," Tony laughed again, his body feeling relaxed on the bed, until Lance's hand wrapped around his dick and started stroking.

"Uhhhhh….yeah…." Tony moaned out. In all honesty, Lance gave a better hand-job than Wendy, but Tony figured that made sense, cos' Lance was a guy. He knew what felt good on his own cock.

Lance leaned down, giving the head a lick, as Tony hissed and tossed his head.

Then he felt Lance pause, and say, "It could be like this all the time. Just you and me…and I know what to do to your body…inside and out…"

Tony shivered. Lance did know what to do…had made Tony cum so many ways…he had no idea until Lance that a man could provide him so much pleasure. But…it was just that. Physical pleasure. Nothing more.

"Lance…can we not…do this?" Tony begged, wanting badly to fuck and cum, and not get into the fruitless debate again.

He stared at the ceiling as he heard Lance sigh. "Okay, Tony." And he gave Tony a few more strokes, and then said, "I'll be right back. I need to hit the head."

Tony nodded, and watched the strong back and long, pale limbs as they disappeared into the bathroom.

He sighed, and worried a little that he may need to tell Wendy that Lance was saying these things to him. But she adored Lance. He was hoping she would get tired of this…situation…and that she'd also get pissed off when they started fucking sometimes without her.

As he thought, his eyes started to close drowsily. _He'd better get back out here soon…or I'm not gonna' be awake…_

He must have dosed off…but when he was aware again, something was off…he was face down on the bed, with his hands cuffed to the headboard, and he couldn't move his legs much. He tried tugging at a foot. What the Hell?

"Lance?" he turned his head to look back and see the other man, staring at him strangely. "Ah…what's up? Why…am I tied up?"

"Because I wanted you like this. Ass up, and having no control," he said, almost in a monotone voice which scared Tony. His pupils were blown, an his hands were trembling.

_What the Hell…? Was Lance fucking high? He was! Crazy bastard!_

"I…I dunno' if I like this Lance. Can you please…at least undo the cuffs?" Tony's heart was pounding a little. He had to admit this was a little exciting…as evidenced by his hard cock,but, more on the alarming side. If Lance hadn't kept talking about a relationship, maybe he wouldn't have been disturbed by it at all…

Lance moved around behind him, and he heard the lube bottle opening and closing.

"Lance-" he began again, but gasped as he felt Lance straddle him, and without warning, grab his ass cheeks apart and plunge his cock into Tony.

Tony cried out at the blinding pain, water coming to his eyes, as Lance's dick stretched him, made his pulse throb in his burning hole. Panting, he said, "Lance! Easy! Dammit, that hurt!"

Lance leaned forward, and whispered in his ear, "You're mine, Tony. Just like this. Only mine…" and with that, he started to pull back, which still hurt like hell, but Tony was adjusting.

Tony realized something was really not right with Lance, as he started to rut furiously into him, while muttering the words, "Just mine...just mine…" over and over.

Thankfully, the pain ebbed away, and Tony started to feel the sparks of pleasure travel to his cock from Lance angling and hitting his prostate. But he knew he was not going to cum. He was mentally not into the "sex zone" any more, since Lance had gotten a little frightening and strange.

Eventually, Lance came into him, with a howl, as Tony lay still and cold beneath him.

(end flashback)

He'd never told Wendy, because they were both drunk, and he had wanted Lance to fuck him…just not like that. It was only a few weeks later Wendy admitted she'd caught Lance doing drugs too, and then the fighting began.

He shook his head sadly to himself. They were all nuts back then. All horny, confused, and in love with the wrong person.

"What a fucking mess," he said to himself hoarsely. He rubbed his face, and eyes tiredly. And now what? What kind of cataclysm would this book bring? He looked at the manila folder on the floor.

Maybe he should call a lawyer.

He got up with a heavy sigh, and retrieved it. He sat again, frowning, opening the folder and taking out the book. He needed to know exactly what she wrote.

With trembling hands, he opened it up and began to skim it.

* * *

The next morning Tony sat staring at his computer screen, trying to pull his head together.

He was a mess and he knew it. Because of that_ damned_ book.

He'd barely noticed Ziva and McGee walking in, or Gibbs returning from MTAC …

It took a while for him to feel the stare coming from the other side of the room. Gibbs' pale blue eyes were on him, and when Tony's met them, there was something odd about the way the older man was looking at him. The gaze was locked on him for a stretch, and he could swear he saw Gibbs swallow…nervously. And then lick his lips and look down at his desk at some papers there.

Tony continued to look at him for a few seconds, frowning a little and perplexed. And then he turned to look at McGee.

"You ready to go catch a bad guy, Probie?" Tony asked, trying to sound better then he felt.

McGee's head shot up. "Me?" His big eyes glanced around between Tony and Ziva and then Gibbs.

"Did I stutter, McFuddled?" Tony asked, getting up and grabbing his gun and bag. "Let's go."

McGee once again looked at Gibbs who raised a brow and said, "He is your SFA, McGee, I suggest you get moving." And then Gibbs turned back to his folder.

"Ahhh, okay," and grabbed his things to catch up with Tony, as Ziva quickly handed him the sheet of paper with the names and addresses of the strippers they needed to investigate in hopes of finding Rick Walsh.

"You get a lead," Gibbs called after them, "And you call us for backup."

As they got on the elevator, McGee caught a glimpse at Tony's expression.

"Tony, you okay?"

His SFA turned to him, green eyes filled with something that looked like anguish, before quickly covering it up. "Yeah…I'm okay, Probie."

But McGee wasn't convinced.


	10. Chapter 10

Gibbs picked up his phone quickly, seeing the call was from Tony.

"Gibbs," he said, feeling a little tingle start in his gut.

_"Boss, we got a lead from one of the girls. Turns out, Walsh was seeing one of the bartenders at the Painted Lady, a girl by the name of Sandra Obispo. McGee is texting you and Ziva the address and we're at the building now. Boss, Walsh's car is here."_

"If he leaves the building, nab him. Otherwise wait for us," Gibbs said and hung up. Then he said, "Let's go," to Ziva, who had been watching him when he answered the call.

She smiled as she trotted along side him to the elevator. "We will finally catch him, yes?" They all shared great satisfaction putting murderers behind bars.

"I hope so," Gibbs said with a raised brow, watching the elevator doors close.

* * *

McGee had watched Tony's face as Gibbs hung up on him. He frowned slightly, but the phone etiquette, or lack of, was nothing new.

Tony smiled and said, "Gibbs says hi."

"Yeah…I heard," McGee said with a little snort.

They both looked up to the apartment building they were sitting along side of. The location Tony parked the car allowed them to keep an eye on the front entrance, and the dark alleyway between buildings, where Walsh's car was hidden.

"That's probably the one," Tony said, pointing to the window on the third floor corner. "It probably runs front to back.

Tim nodded.

They sat in silence for a little, and both continued to watch the building, squinting a little in the morning light.

"Hey Tony?" McGee said casually, while he kept scanning for any signs of Walsh.

"Yeah Probie?"

"What's going on with you?" McGee asked gently, knowing that Tony's stress and haggard looks were likely due to Wendy's book. Since Gibbs had confiscated it from him, he figured it was probably a bigger deal than Abby had let on. He'd only gotten to the first shower scene. Maybe Gibbs had done him a favor…thinking of Tony having sex…made him a little queasy.

Tony shifted a little in his seat, "Nothing. Why?"

"Oh come on, man," McGee said with a tinge of exasperation. "You come in looking like someone shot your dog, with dark circles under your eyes like you're barely sleeping. Which, by the way, for a Federal Agent is dangerous, to say the least. And…we're worried about you."

Tony finally turned to him for a moment, something like apprehension in his green eyes. "I'yah, just have a lot on my mind, McWorrywort, but…I appreciate you watching my six." Tony gave him a genuine, warm smile, but couldn't hide that sad look in his eyes. Then he resumed watching out for their suspect.

They sat in silence again for a while, waiting for Gibbs and Ziva.

Suddenly, they heard a woman screaming from what seemed to be the third floor window they were watching.

"Let's go, Probie," Tony said, getting quickly out of the car.

"But Gibbs-"

"Should be here any minute and we can't take the chance that this guy is hurting someone. Let's go."

McGee nodded, agreeing with his SFA.

They entered the building quickly, which had no elevator, and ran up the stairs, still hearing faint echoes of a woman's voice, begging.

"Which one again Probie?" Tony said in a hushed voice.

"3C," McGee replied, getting to the third floor behind Tony and pulling his gun.

As they reached the run-down and paint-chipped door, they heard more clearly now.

"Please…I did everything you wanted Rick. Why are you doing this? You're hurting me! Stop it!" she was sobbing by the end and they heard the sound of a slap and more crying.

Tony motioned McGee to get ready to kick in the door, as he raised his Sig to cover from behind.

"Then why has that car been here for a while? You told someone I was here you bitch!" They heard Walsh ground out angrily.

"Shit," Tony breathed. He'd known they were watching him. And was about to kill this woman for it, though she wasn't the one who tipped them off. He nodded at McGee, "Go!"

The noise was ear-splitting as McGee threw his body weight against the door, and it burst open, as he raised his gun yelling "NCIS! Step away from the woman!"

Walsh had her by the neck, and by the color of her tear-streaked face, the olive-skinned beauty was losing oxygen. He was tall, and his otherwise handsome features were twisted into an ugly grimace of hatred.

Walsh took in McGee's entrance and quickly dropped her, running into the doorway near him, as she fell to the floor.

McGee went to her as Tony rounded up after him, chasing Walsh into the other room.

"Stop!" Tony yelled as he saw a leg disappear out the window that sat on the alley side of the building, where the fire escapes were. Obviously, Walsh had his car in the alley not only to hide it, but for a quick get-away if he were discovered.

Tony quickly climbed onto the fire escape, chasing Walsh down the metal rungs.

He hit the ground as Walsh neared his car.

"Freeze!" Tony yelled.

Walsh, in jeans and a plain blue tee shirt, raised his hands and turned towards Tony, smiling. Tony heard McGee call him from the window above.

And then he felt cold metal rest on his neck, just behind his ear. "Don't move," said a deadly serious male voice.

Shit.

Tony scowled, trying to figure out if there were any way to get out of this easily without getting his head blown off.

"Lower the gun, nice and easy." The metal pressed a little harder into his head, sending a small pain through to his jaw. He felt his weapon taken away as soon as his arm was down.

Tony knew with McGee watching and Gibbs somewhere close, he had to trust them to straighten out this sudden turn of events. Where had this guy come from?

As Tony lowered his gun, Walsh unlocked his car, and motioned Tony closer. As Tony slowly walked towards the car, the gun remained where it was against his head.

"Thanks, Len," Walsh said, and then looked up where McGee was positioned on the fire escape, gun pointed at his friend Leonard, ready to take a shot if the gun were removed from it's position against Tony's head. "You wanna keep that where it is."

"Yup. I know Rick, I'm not an idiot. You owe me big for this. You're just lucky I got here in time," the man said, in a low, gravelly voice.

"Well," Rick looked at Tony, "looks like you gotta come with us. But just for now. We'll need to…drop you off somewhere along the ride," Rick snickered coldly.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Tony said confidently, and with a little smile.

Rick's brows came together and then he laughed. "You don't have much of a choice."

Tony had spotted the hint of Gibbs at the end of the alley around the car. And Gibbs was watching. He knew that Gibbs would have caught his hand motion, holding out three fingers, as he stalled, preparing for his move to escape. The gun was pressed against the right side of his head…he just had to time it right…

"There's always a choice," Tony said smugly, to distact the two men. "I mean, you had a choice, the night you killed Simms."

Three fingers became two.

"That stupid sonofabitch thought he could take me," Rick spat. And as he opened his mouth to say something more-

Two fingers became one, and Tony quickly turned his head left and away from the gun, pushing backwards.

Gibbs took the shot, hearing the other gun go off as well, and praying Tony had gambled correctly. Tony and the man behind him both went down in a heap.

Walsh had jumped and cried out in surprise, and now had his hands up in the air in surrender.

"Ziva!" he called quickly, as he held his gun up still, slowly approaching the crumpled forms of Tony and Walsh's accomplis.

She ran with cuffs, reading rights and securing Walsh, who looked like he'd eaten a cockroach.

"Tony?" Gibbs called, heart pounding in his ears. He wanted to kneel down, and touch the younger man…see if he was hurt…or worse…

_No…I can't lose him…I can't…_

"Good shot, Boss," Tony grunted, standing up after pushing the other man's arm off him.

Gibbs let out a sigh of relief.

Tony stood, as he looked down at the small-framed and wirey man, in a dark blue track suit, with graying temples and glasses. He had a thick mustache, and his light brown eyes were open, staring vacantly at the sky above. Blood trickled from the kill shot Gibbs had placed, right between his eyes. The gun still rested in his limp right hand.

"I wonder who we have here," Tony asked, a little shakily.

"DiNozzo, you okay?" Gibbs asked, lowering his gun.

Tony stared down a moment longer, at the dead man, and said, "Yeah. Thanks to you Boss. You always have my six," he looked up at Gibbs, gratitude shining in his green eyes.

"Yep. Always," Gibbs smiled, feeling a flood of relief mixed with something else he couldn't put his finger on. When he'd pulled up and caught a glimpse of the dirtbag holding a gun to Tony's head…

He shook his head, swallowing harshly. It was too close this time…

Tony must have been reading him a little, and said, "He made us. Must've called his friend here to help him out. Was pissed at the girl because he thought she narked on him…and we had to go in because he was hurting her…we couldn't have known."

Gibbs nodded once. Then he looked up and around the brick walls for a moment, finally spotting the place where the other gun had deposited its bullet.

Thank God it wasn't in Tony's head.

* * *

Gibbs ran his hand over the heavy table he had built in his basement. It was solid, almost 220lbs of oak, ad he built it in the style of a butcher's block. It was a second shop table, that he was determined to build to last forever.

It was beautiful. And now smooth as satin. As he ran his fingers over it, he thought about Tony…what did his skin feel like?

He suddenly scowled, dropping his hand. _What the Hell? Tony's skin?_ He was thinking about Tony again.

Today he'd almost lost him. That thought was…unfathomable.

He had just spent two hours hand sanding, to try to empty out his head, of thoughts that Tony almost got his head blown off…and that he'd like to know how it would feel to get his head blown by Tony. Just a bit of a conflict there.

He snorted at himself in disgust. He wasn't gay. He wasn't bi. He'd never…tried the things Tony did. And he didn't judge other people for whomever they chose to love or have sex with.

But could he be that impartial with himself?

How could he even be entertaining thoughts of a sexual involvement with his SFA? It broke several of his own rules…and…would Tony even entertain the thought of it? Had Tony been with men again after Wendy's ex?

"How about the book?" Gibbs asked himself aloud. He needed to pull his head out of his ass, and think about Tony. Find a way to get him to open up. To talk.

But how was Gibbs going to do that, when verbal skills weren't his forte'?

He thought of the look in Tony's eyes earlier in the day, when he said, _"You always have my six." _How could Gibbs get him to see…it would really still be that way post the Wendy book apocalypse?

In the middle of his thoughts he heard creaking upstairs, and he knew, with a little skip in his heartbeat it was Tony.

He headed upstairs, thinking maybe they would eat something together, and have a beer.

When he came up the steps and walked out into the living room, he heard Tony rummaging around his fridge.

"Jesus Gibbs," he said, aware the man had come to stand next to him. "you're worse than me right now. There's nothing edible in here. Beer and coffee are not food groups." He closed the fridge door, and stood up, looking at Gibbs.

Gibbs took in the tired look in his eyes, the still too pale color of his face. The slight stubble of facial hair emerging.

But none of it tarnished the beauty he noticed. Thanks to that goddamned book. Here, so close to him, were those big mossy green eyes, and long dark eyelashes. The lean body encased in beat-up old jeans and a dark grey Henley shirt…with a little sprinkle of chest hair peeking out.

His eyes ran all over Tony, and rested a moment too long on his full, perfectly shaped mouth. Gibbs breathed in that smell again…anisette cookie.

Tony's eyes widened and his breathing subtly picked up. This was Gibbs. Standing so close…looking at him…with hungry eyes, and a slight tremor in his hands.

"Boss…" he croaked out, suddenly barely able to speak.

Gibbs was desperately trying to block out the images in his head, of peeling the clothing off Tony, of tasting him…having him…and the scenes Wendy wrote into her book pulled as well at the edges of his mind. He wanted to stop it, desperately, but suddenly, he had Tony shoved up against the fridgerator, hands in his soft, short hair, pulling his head back. He saw the look of shock and confusion pass over his face.

Tony picked up his hands, shaking violently, and placing them against Gibbs shoulders, in gentle defense. He panted, "Boss…what're you…" He swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment, feeling Gibbs press his thigh and erection into Tony's hip. Gibbs had a leg between his, and the man was shuddering with need. "What're you doing?"

It had been years ago, that Tony had fantasized about Gibbs. About the pale blue eyes, and hard body, dominating him, fucking him brutally until he came. That was when they first worked together. But…after a time, he let it fade away, as Gibbs became the only real family he'd ever known. Their friendship meant everything to him. But he never thought he could have this…whatever this was…it was turning him on. And scaring him shitless.

"You…" Gibbs breathed out, staring into his eyes. "I can't stop thinking…about this…with you." The pale eyes were searching Tony's, for something. _And you almost got dead today…_

Tony just stared at him, trying to breathe, and ignoring the demanding twitch of his cock in his jeans.

Suddenly, Gibbs leaned in, and ran his tongue up Tony's neck, causing the younger man to shiver and gasp. He could feel the trembling in the other man's body, and heard a little moan escape Tony's lips. And that was all the confirmation he had patience for.

All Tony knew next was that a mouth was crushing to his, rough facial stubble mixed with soft, hot wetness, precluded the invasion of a tongue, snaking it's way between his lips. He was so shocked, he could barely react. But his body made the decision for him. His blood was roaring in his ears as he let out a needy whimper...

Tony was frightened, and perplexed, and…this was Gibbs! This was so wrong…but felt so good. The kiss was sending him into a frenzied state quickly, as he opened up more to Gibbs, allowing the older man full purchase into his mouth, moaning again around Gibbs' tongue. Gibbs tasted like coffee and lemon and something else spiced.

He dropped his hands onto Gibbs' body more fully, feeling the straining musculature under his clothing…and his hips convulsed a few times involuntarily, his need to cum building up, blocking out any rational thoughts he was trying to turn over.

Gibbs suddenly pulled his mouth away, looking at Tony again, but this time, it was the gaze of a wolf about to take it's prey by the throat and break it's neck.

Tony shivered again and lowered his eyes in the face of such dominance.

Gibbs stepped back, and then Tony stood a little straighter coming off the fridge, on weak knees and legs that felt like jello. _Did that just happen? Gibbs just freaking kissed me!_

He was about to try to say something when Gibbs grabbed him and threw him at the kitchen table, effectively knocking some things off it, and bending Tony over it as he scrambled to brace himself with his arms and not fall down on it face first.

His heart was jumping all over the place, and he felt Gibbs' hand come to his shoulder, and hips pressing up against his ass. He was almost sick with fear and excitement, and his jeans were starting to hurt in the crotch, where his cock was straining against them.

"Boss," he whispered," turning his head a little, but he could only groan as the strong hand on his shoulder pulled harder, forcing his body back onto the other man's groin and thighs.

"No. Talking," Gibbs growled, reaching around him from behind, and rubbing his aching member through the fabric.

Jesus…Gibbs….it was Gibbs touching him…rubbing him…making him harder…

He felt the hand glide up under his shirt, and it was like fire on his skin…up his belly, and then the fingers pinched a nipple. "God!" he panted, twisting a little. "Please…"

Gibbs hand then drifted back down, all the while his hips starting to rut a little against Tony's ass.

Another release of adrenaline washed over Tony, as Gibbs undid his fly, and came away for a moment to push Tony's pants down to the floor.

"Fuck," he heard Gibbs mutter, sliding a hand onto his naked ass, since there were no underwear to bother with. The hot fingers ghosted all over the globes of his ass and across his lower back, almost reverently. But then they pulled away as Tony stayed there, feeling the air on his skin and hearing something happen behind him. He was afraid to look…afraid to move…he felt a little bead of liquid hit his knee…and he knew it had leaked from his cockhead…

There was the sound of Gibbs removing his clothing, and for that, Tony did twist a little, to get a glimpse of the silver dappled hair on the hard-looking chest. The firm body was sporting a big, straight cock that Gibbs was rubbing something on…olive oil? God!

He wanted to stop him for a moment, and talk about condoms and proper lube, but once again, as he opened his mouth, Gibbs took his hand, and grabbed the back of Tony's head by his hair, shoved slowly towards the table, growling, "Down."

He felt Gibbs' cockhead bumping into the back of his thighs, and moaned loudly.

Gibbs pressed his hips, skin on skin, against Tony, hand still tightly, almost painfully, gasping Tony's hair.

And then Gibbs' other, oily, slicked and hot hand wrapped itself around Tony's cock, as he gasped and groaned loudly.

"You like that?" Gibbs said in a low voice, as the hand mercilessly stroked and milked at his shaft.

Tony could only pant, as his arms slid against the kitchen table a bit, now slick with sweat.

The hand stopped and pulled and squeezed his balls as he cried out, "God! Boss! Please!" he begged freely, starting to pump into Gibbs' hand when it again encircled his cock.

Gibbs' other hand left Tony's head, and suddenly a finger was pushing its way inside his ass…God…Gibbs….this was _Gibbs'_ finger invading him…he shuddered knowing the large tree log of a cock was coming soon…

That was the last of it…the last of any conflict or worry about what was happening. Gibbs wanted him. And he would give Gibbs anything he wanted. Tony let his body completely rest on top of the table…it was no longer his. It belonged to Gibbs now…

He moaned and jumped as the finger hit the sweet spot inside him. And then it was followed by another…and Gibbs' other hand was still pulling on Tony's cock and balls…

After a while, Tony was writhing, needing to cum, almost blinded by what Gibbs was doing to him.

Then the fingers left his asshole, and he felt Gibbs' hips against his body again._ Yes…yes…please…_"God…I need to cum…" he choked out.

"So do I," Gibbs growled, shoving his dick into Tony, a little faster than he had planned to.

Tony cried out and arched his back, clawing at the table for purchase.

"Tony…" Gibbs grunted, overwhelmed by how hot and tight the flesh felt, how the sphincter squeezed around him, and how the body underneath him shook.

He pushed all the way in, as Tony screamed, until his balls were crushed up against the firm, muscular ass.

He wanted to grab at Tony's hips and start fucking him right away, but forced himself to be still, as Tony let out a sobbing breath. He had to be sure it was okay.

It was difficult though, because he felt like his blood was on fire and he needed to cum in Tony…make him his…relieve the ache he'd felt in his balls and groin for days…

After a minute or two, of Gibbs holding himself against Tony, and stroking his back soothingly, he saw Tony nod a little, and sat back again behind him.

"Make sure now…you ready… I'm…not gonna' be able to control this…need you…" Gibbs said in between shaky breaths.

Again, Tony nodded.

And Gibbs gave him no mercy after that.

He pulled out, and grabbed Tony's hips, and impaled him, hard, over and over with all of his strength, feeling the sweet friction of the hot tight flesh surrounding and squeezing him. He grunted and growled through it, as Tony yelled out, "God! Ah!...Fuck!" over an over until he became hoarse and began to whimper.

Gibbs felt it…the orgasm start to build up and he reached over, pulling Tony's head back by the hair, roaring out "Now!…ahhh!" he rutted into the younger man in a frenzy, his vision practically graying, while Tony's hitched breathing also reached a crescendo. They both came, Gibbs' hips stuttering as his dick exploded inside Tony, pumping out what he knew was a copious amount of semen. And Tony's cum hit the wood flooring beneath the table as he quietly sobbed in relief.

Gibbs collapsed, covered in sweat, on top of Tony. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to catch his breath.

It was amazing. He never knew…it could be so hot with a man…or maybe just Tony.

_Tony._

_Oh God. I just had sex with Tony. What the hell did I just do? _

Gibbs gently sat up and pulled out, as the pearly white liquid ran down Tony's inner thigh from his ass.

Gibbs looked at him worriedly, and then said hoarsely, "Be right back."

Tony wanted to collapse on the ground. But…he was sweaty, and sticky, and there was a mess on the floor…

_And Gibbs fucked me. Oh my God. What did we just do?_

He slowly stood up, on unsteady legs. The ache he knew would be in his ass later was still masked by endorphins. He grabbed a scattered pile of napkins off the floor, which had fallen from the table, and cleaned himself up with shaking hands. He pulled up his jeans, and tried to rearrange himself, and ignore the nausea he felt, and fear…afraid of the unknowns...

How long had Gibbs wanted to do that? Did Gibbs have deeper feelings for him than he suspected? Would Gibbs want a relationship?

A _relationship. _Tony snorted to himself. His ultra-straight Marine boss. In a relationship. With a guy.

It seemed ridiculous.

And yet…Gibbs meant everything to him…was his family…and now his…lover? Was it so far of a stretch that it could mean more? His mind was reeling. But the incredible orgasm was still fogging his brain.

_Jesus_. He's come without even a hand on his cock. That had never happened with Lance.

He heard Gibbs rustling in the bathroom and the water turn off. He quickly finished cleaning the floor and threw out the napkins.

As he waited nervously for Gibbs to exit the bathroom, he paced from the kitchen to the living room.

And then something caught his eye.

His mouth dropped open, and his eyes widened in horror.

"No…" he moaned, almost stumbling to the end table by the couch. It was Wendy's book.

The room spun a little, and he suddenly felt like vomiting…

"Wasn't…about me, even," he whispered to himself. _Gibbs read the fucking book and got hot. That's all. _

Gibbs had taken a little time to pull himself together in the bathroom. He knew they would have to talk about this and what it meant. But…maybe they didn't. He hoped Tony didn't feel bad or…wasn't angry…with him.

He had no idea how to approach what they just did... and he never meant for it to happen. Gibbs shook his head. He was humiliated with himself…he lost control, like a horny teenager. And…had sex with a man.

And not just and man. Tony. His best friend. Whom he loved…almost like a son. He sickened himself with that thought, feeling as if he'd betrayed a trust. But…Tony seemed like he enjoyed it…wanted it…

He couldn't even begin to figure out what that meant.

"Time to face the music," he said to himself softly, running a hand through his silvery hair, and walked out of the bathroom.

When he walked into the living room, washcloth in hand, his heart jumped in his chest, as he took in the sight of Tony holding Wendy's book in one hand, and pulling absently at his hair with the other. Tears were drifting down his face, silently, and when he finally noticed Gibbs was standing there, he could barely look at him.

"Tony," Gibbs said, feeling absolute devastation for the sight in front of him.

Tony avoided his eyes, looking at the floor, and just let the book drop to it as well.

Gibbs couldn't tell what was happening, but Tony's chest was rising and falling rapidly, indicating he was unable to take a deep breath.

Gibbs nervously licked his lips. "Tony," he tried again.

Finally, the glassy green eyes drifted up to him, and filled with water, as the tears fell rapidy, one splashing down onto the back cover of the book.

He shook his head, and smiled a little bit, "Should'a known…" he said, trying to keep his voice from cracking. "You wouldn't have wanted me…wouldn't have…"

Gibbs was taken aback by the words, and was at a loss for a moment. "I…it wasn't all because…of the book…" he said, with just a tinge of uncertainty in his voice.

"Oh?" Tony raised his brows. He almost crooned the next words. "Were you gonna…ask me out, Boss? Were you thinkin' of building one of them boats for the two of us?'

Gibbs longed to reach out, and put his arms around the younger man, to comfort him…

"I dunno'," Gibbs said honestly. "I…didn't…have a plan…"

"Of course you didn't," Tony said, and sniffed once, angrily wiping his face of some of the tears. He looked down with pure venom at the book. Without looking at Gibbs again, he asked, "Were you ever gonna' tell me you had this? That you read it?'

Gibbs sighed. This was a disaster. And it was all his fault.

"I wanted to…planned to…talk to you –"

"But you figured, hey, instead of telling him I'm ok with it, how about **I fuck his brains out in my kitchen ?** That will be great. Well, thank you Boss. That was very helpful." The anger and bitterness, and the pain emanating from him, pierced Gibbs' heart. The words stung badly.

Gibbs couldn't stop himself any longer, and walked to Tony, putting a hand on his arm.

Tony moved so quickly, it caught Gibbs off guard, and he shoved at Gibbs, knocking him to the floor. "Stay. Away. From. Me," he said, strangling on the rage.

He stared down at Gibbs, for another moment, and then walked out the front door without looking back.


	11. Chapter 11

Gibbs stayed on the floor for a while, still absorbing the shock of Tony leaving like he did.

He sat and rubbed his face.

"Gunny….what did you do?" he asked himself softly.

His eyes burned and he willed away the threat of tears. What would they get him after all? And this was not a time to be weak. He needed to think.

The look of total devastation on Tony's face was seared into his mind, along with the incredible sex they had just had.

"Tony…" he groaned. The younger man meant so much to him…and he had no idea.

He sighed and shook his head. Should've talked about the book first, should have talked about…_anything_ first.

Instead, he lost control and used his friend to satisfy the ache in his body…but was that all it was?

And the betrayal…was clear in Tony's beautiful green eyes. The tears…had shredded his heart. God. He'd just hurt Tony so badly. How were they going to move forward from this? Would Tony forgive him?

_I had sex with Tony. Sex. Ohgod._

He was completely out of his depth, trying to push back all the thoughts in his mind to discover what this meant. If anything.

Jesus. What if Tony was thinking…it meant more? Did it? What if Tony had expected him to…_date_ him? Gibbs could barely even entertain the thought.

He was a man, a marine. And straight his whole life. Until…

His eyes drifted over to the paperback lying on the floor.

He picked it up and started to tear out and crumble each page, until it was nothing but a heap of debris on his floor.

* * *

Tony felt cold. Everywhere. And almost empty inside…except for the pain. It was…becoming physical. Knowing now that everything had been ruined.

Everything.

Ten years of friendship…of a job he loved…of a _family_…all likely gone now.

The one person he trusted most, loved most in the world…had used him like a cheap whore and betrayed his trust.

"I should have stopped him…my fault too…should have made him talk to me…" But who was he kidding? Gibbs didn't do talk. He laughed sadly to himself as he opened the bottle of bourbon on his kitchen counter with shaking hands and chattering teeth. He was going to give the bottle to Gibbs for his birthday.

He swallowed down a shot, letting himself breathe a bit and concentrate just on the burn of the liquid going down.

He closed his eyes. And sharply recalled Gibbs' breath in his ear and hands on his body…hips pressed against him…cock inside him.

He suddenly felt sick, and ran into his bathroom just in time to empty the contents of his stomach into the white toilet.

Once he was done, he shakily stood, and went to the sink to rinse out his mouth and splash water on his face.

As he caught his reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror, he took in the red tinged tired eyes, and basically disheveled look of someone who'd just had sex.

He felt a well of hatred, of self loathing erupt from inside him. It was so intense and overwhelming, it almost shocked him. He saw himself used by Wendy, and Lance, and even Jenny Shepard when she expected him to fuck Jeanne to keep his cover. And he did it too, didn't he?

"Well…" he said thickly, "If everyone else thinks you're just a whore…why not you too?"

_And even Gibbs…_

The pain in his heart was too much. He crumpled to the floor, trying to hold on to the edge of the sink, and sobbed.

* * *

The next morning Gibbs went in to the office, hoping against hope that Tony would be there. At least trying to hold on to some semblance of normalcy.

But he wasn't there at eight. Or nine, or ten.

Ziva and McGee were busy finishing up the paperwork on the Simms case. And then they would all be off for two days.

"Boss?" McGee called to him.

"Yeah?" he looked up from his desk.

"Did…Tony call in …or anything yet?" McGee had a terrible feeling about the fact Tony was not there, combined with Gibbs _not _bitching about it and asking where he was. And Gibbs looked…like Hell.

Gibbs swallowed for a moment and looked at McGee. It made Tim even more nervous.

"Tony was under the weather last night," he said suddenly to the Probie and then looked away, and then at his phone. "Call him," he instructed.

Ziva glanced at them both and then Tony's empty desk worriedly.

"Onnit Boss," McGee said, picking up his receiver and dialing Tony's cell. Like he'd done three times this morning already before asking Gibbs if he'd heard from his SFA.

It went to voicemail.

He hung up, and shook his head at Gibbs.

"McGee," Gibbs said, "Call me if you need me," and took his gun and badge and left.

"Okay, Boss," McGee said, relieved, because he knew where Gibbs was going.

* * *

Gibbs knocked on Tony's door.

It was quiet in the apartment building.

He had hoped giving Tony some space would help. But now he was worried all over again. That aside what happened between them, something else might be wrong. He thought that he would see Tony at work…maybe a little cold towards him and angry. But then at least he could have taken him into the elevator. And talked. Though he still wasn't sure exactly what to say.

After a third knock and no response, he took out the key. Tony had given it to him several years back. In case of emergency.

He opened the door quietly, and stepped inside the handsomely decorated living room. It was all leather and dark wood.

It looked undisturbed, except for the manila envelope with a copy of the evil book on top of it. Gibbs almost hissed at it.

He pushed past the living room and kitchen, where he noticed a bottle of bourbon open, and not much had been drunk from it. But the cap was still off, and the glass sat there. Something about that made him feel worried…

"Tony?" he called gently down the hallway, into the darkened apartment, and then saw at the end of the hall, a figure lying on the floor in the bathroom…

His heart jumped in his chest. Tony wouldn't…hurt himself over this? Would he?

He quickly walked in to the bathroom and knelt down, shaking his shoulder.

Tony was very pale, and his eyes a bit puffy. Guilt ate at Gibbs like a jackal with a piece of meat.

He gently caressed Tony's face, as the green eyes blinked open. And wouldn't look at him.

That's when he noticed Tony was still in the same clothes from last night. He'd never even changed.

He knew Tony was awake, but was not responding to him. And that frightened him a little.

"Come on, Tony, look at me," Gibbs asked, but more like begged. He continued to stroke Tony's face, and then his hair.

The green eyes shut for a moment, and when they opened, looking straight at Gibbs, tears trickled out, crushing Gibbs' heart and making him feel like a car was on top of his chest.

"Why…are you here?" Tony's voice came weakly from him. He seemed…completely drained.

_OK. That one's a no-brainer at least_. "Because I care about you."

Tony raised a brow, and slowly pushed Gibbs' hand away from him. "You care about me?" He finally started to push himself up from the floor to sit. "Well, I think that's debatable, to say the least, Boss."

Gibbs cringed at the desolate, empty look in Tony's eyes, and the defeated tone of his voice. That's when it hit him. He remembered Abby's words, telling him how Tony would need his support, reassurance. But instead….Gibbs had taken him…taken his body…and no matter how good that was, it had come at a price. He knew what happened to Tony with his ex-partner in Baltimore…and how he'd lost…everything. And now, he likely thought the same.

Gibbs sat next to Tony on the bathroom floor, leaning back on the sink cabinet.

"You're not losing anything. Not your job, not your friends…not me….And…"Gibbs swallowed harshly, "I don't wanna' lose you."

Tony heard him, but didn't respond right away. He sat, staring at the wall, and with a small tremble in his voice, said, "You…you used me. Just like…like Wendy did. And I…loved her…just like I…"

Gibbs closed his eyes.

"Loved you," the younger man finished.

_Loved? Past tense_? It twisted like a knife in his soul.

"You're…you…"Tony began, and Gibbs felt him shaking, "You were the only real family I ever had…" Tony groaned and put a hand to his face.

"Tony-" Gibbs said gently, laying an arm around his shoulder.

Tony flipped like a switch.

"**Fuck! Don't!"** He shoved and scrambled, to get away from the touch he wanted so much, but now felt violated by. "Don't!"

But Gibbs just moved with him, and put the other arm around him as well, holding him in place as he fought.

Gibbs remained silent and held on, taking blows, hearing Tony's frenzied and angry curses and pleas next to his ear.

And it didn't take long before Tony wore himself out, and started to gasp and sob, leaning into Gibbs. "I don't understand how…y-you could do this…to me…Gibbs.. How could you do this to me?" He buried his face in Gibbs shoulder, one of his hands clutching at Gibbs' shirt.

Gibbs took a shaky breath in and then let it out.

"Tony, I swear to you, that I never meant to hurt you. And yes, I had the book. I read it. SO I could…understand what had you so upset. And was going to talk to you about it…to…let you know nothing would change between us." Tony snorted in disgust into his chest. Gibbs ignored him and continued. "I didn't plan…on…it affecting me the way it did. On you affecting me this way…and the thought of…of other men…with you…"

Tony sat back suddenly, his pale face a mess with tears, his eyes wide. "You…were…jealous?"

It hit Gibbs then. _Hmmm. Yeah. That's what that was. Jealousy_. He felt a little embarrassed. He nodded, looking at Tony, but said nothing.

Tony looked down for a moment, confused.

"I dunno'…"Gibbs pushed on, "if that was what did it…or reading about you…doing some of those things…or…I dunno'. Maybe I had those feelings all along but ignored them. Because, you know, I'm not…gay. Or…Bi-sexual…or whatever. I just…it was you, Tony. It was you I couldn't stand thinking about with another man. Because I wanted to be that guy. I just…didn't know it until I knew the truth about you."

Gibbs sighed. He hoped to God he was saying something right.

Tony had quieted, and was just studying him. And then looked down a bit, and started to nod.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Gibbs asked hopefully.

"You really fucked up here, Gibbs," he said quietly. "It's gonna' take a while…for me…to-"

"Forgive me."

"Yes, but…" Tony rubbed his eyes, "I fucked up too. I mean," he dropped his hands to his lap, and then looked Gibbs in the eye, "I'm an adult. I could have…stopped you. Talked…first…to know what you were thinking."

"May not have helped. I didn't know what I was thinking…I just…needed you." Gibbs face flushed with the admission. Why the hell was this so hard? Oh yeah. Tony was a guy.

Tony nodded again. He inhaled, and then breathed out, "Do you think you'llwannadothatagain?"

"Oh yeah." Gibbs smiled. "But…" his gut spasmed,"I don't know…I've never…I dunno' if a relationship…works with our jobs, and –"

"We're men. And…you're straight…aside this…little aberration…anomaly…whatever…I am…to you."

Tony looked so despondent again.

"Hey," Gibbs said, raising a hand to Tony's face for a moment. "We're family. And friends. I screwed up, but you mean a Hell of a lot to me," the emotion was so real, and raw, Gibbs almost faltered, trying to express to Tony how he felt. "And…I can't…don't wanna' make you feel like you're less…I can't…" and then Gibbs' heart sunk with the realization. Rule 12. Why didn't he follow his own rule?

"Maybe…we should try to get back on track." He forced himself to drop his hand. To stop touching Tony. Though he longed to do even more than that. "Maybe try to…reign it in…might be hard. But…I don't wanna' risk our friendship, or ability to work together. I…what we did…at my place…was amazing. But…" He looked at Tony for a response, and could help but notice the disappointment in his eyes.

He smiled again sadly, looking at Gibbs. "I understand, Boss."


	12. Chapter 12

Two days off.

Time hadn't crawled that long in a while.

Gibbs had been calling Tony to check on him both days, but didn't offer to have a beer or cowboy style steak at his house.

Tony answered the calls, understanding that Gibbs would just worry if he didn't pick up. And would come over. And remind him of what they did together…and then not touch him. And he couldn't handle that right now.

As much as Gibbs wanted to get back to normal, Tony could easily see they were not. And he was left feeling unsatisfied with the talk they had on his bathroom floor.

But he understood. Gibbs had done the unthinkable. Lost control. He was human after all.

And now...they were both struggling to come to terms with it.

Tony knew Gibbs was sincere when he told him how much he meant to him….but the sting of opening himself up, literally, to Gibbs and then finding the book…

It hurt a lot. And on top of it…he wanted Gibbs …to touch him again…to kiss him…

"Not gonna' happen, DiNozzo," he sighed as he straightened his tie in the mirror.

He could only hope that at least they could be okay at work again…

He stared at his reflection for a moment, still on the cusp of hating the man he saw. The one who gave everything, and got used in return. It felt bad.

_Stopit. Just go. That isn't going to accomplish a thing._

He quickly grabbed his keys, badge, and gun off his nightstand and left.

* * *

When Gibbs got in, he saw Tony was already there. Early. Again.

_So much for back to normal._

He'd spent the last two days resisting the urge to go see Tony again, or invite him over. Everything was still too…raw.

He'd thrown the torn pieces of the book into his fireplace, watching them burn up and disappear into the flames. He thought it would make him feel better. It didn't.

Tony was on the phone, speaking in a low, soft voice. He flashed back to the dream about Tony calling him to meet in the elevator to have sex, and then realized he needed to get his mind going in another direction when his dick hardened under his desk. He took a deep breath, but it was hard seeing Tony now. Rememebering the way his skin felt. The way he tasted. The way his eyes glowed when he realized Gibbs had kissed him.

He tried to focus his eyes on his desk, but his keen hearing picked up a little of the conversation Tony was having .

"Mr. Pink, I understand that. I'm not…I'm not trying to ruin her career as a writer. I just want her to at least change the pen name."

There was a pause. "Yes…I read it."

And then, "That's none of your fucking business," he quipped hotly. "And that's precisely why I have a problem with this book. Can you see that, Mr. Pink? I can't have the people I work with asking me those kinds of questions, because it won't matter ultimately, if she told the truth or embellished on anything. The end result will be the same for me. It will impede my ability to do my job and cause me a great deal of personal harm. If you don't pull it and fix it, well, then I will sue both Kepler and Wendy."

Gibbs felt proud of Tony, for trying to go after the publishing house to stop the book.

He could see the tension form in Tony's shoulders, as he said, "Fine. Suit yourself," and then hung up, staring at the phone for a moment before looking over at Gibbs.

Gibbs raised a brow at him, and Tony just shook his head, sadly. He looked back at his desk, sighing heavily and bringing his fingers to his eyes to massage the tension from them.

McGee and Ziva came in, to a silent bull pen, surprised because Tony was there. He also didn't look up at them as they put their things down.

McGee ventured, "Good morning, Tony. You feeling any better?" Tim saw that his friend still had an unhealthy pallor to his face. And looked…drawn.

"Yes," Ziva said gently, "Gibbs said you were under some weather."

A small glimmer of confusion passed over his face. Oh right. He never came in the other day. And Gibbs wasn't likely to explain the truth of what happened, was he? Well, Tony probably wouldn't have either. So Tony smiled just a little, looking at her. "It's under _the_ weather, Ziva. And, thanks. I'm fine." He looked from her to McGee, and then asked, "Simms paperwork?"

"All done," said McGee. "In your box for check."

"Ok Probie," Tony said, grabbing folders from both McGee and Ziva from his inbox. He had already filed his own report immediately after the incident, but it usually took ZIva and McGee a little more time to complete theirs, unless IA was up their asses.

McGee and Ziva passed distressed looks between each other.

Tony looked down and started to check the files. And didn't look up again for two hours, only occasionally marking a correction that they would need to make in the computer system and then print the finals again. Everything was digital and hard copy, per current protocols.

And that's the way the day went. Paperwork, some organizing, and a silent Tony, who almost never looked at Gibbs.

While Gibbs, occasionally looked at Tony, with an unreadable expression.

Ducky came up to the bullpen at one point, and thought better of approaching Gibbs about donating to a charity he was getting involved with, when he caught some of the strangeness that Ziva and McGee were trying to interpret. He took in Gibbs very tight expression, and Tony's silence. McGee gave Ducky a pained glance, and Ducky nodded quietly, and turned to go back downstairs.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Ducky called Gibbs down to autopsy, to discuss a new piece of equipment he wanted to requisition.

Gibbs quickly saw it was a ruse.

"Ah, Jethro," Ducky said pleasantly, as he walked in the doors.

"Duck," he said curtly.

It was quiet in autopsy. There were no bodies for once. And Gibbs felt guilty for the wish that they had a case, so he could focus on something else…besides Tony.

"Would you…please have a seat?" Ducky asked, motioning to his desk.

Gibbs already knew something was amiss. And chose to remain standing.

"What's up, Ducky?" he said, trying to cut to the chase.

Ducky sighed. "What is happening up there, with Anthony? I couldn't help but notice…he doesn't look well…and he certainly isn't his…loquacious self."

Gibbs snorted softly, but Ducky also caught the flash of stress in Gibbs' eyes.

"And you, my dear friend. Something…is amiss. I'd like to be of assistance, if I may."

Gibbs looked at Ducky, and his sincere demeanor softened Gibbs a bit. But how could he tell Ducky…what he'd done?

Instead he said. "I dunno what's going on with DiNozzo." He lied. He felt it was the right thing to do for Tony. " But…"

Ducky raised a brow, "yes?"

Gibbs paced a little.

He was trying to form the right words.

"Do you think people can…drastically change…later in life?"

Ducky looked at Gibbs for a moment, tilting his head, and then watched Gibbs pace some more.

"Well, yes, of course they can. For the better, or the worse," Ducky said. "I might be more helpful if you could be a bit more specific, Jethro."

Gibbs sighed and nodded. He stopped pacing, and looked at Ducky. "I mean…sexual…orientation. Do you think…someone can be…one way and then suddenly another?'

Both Ducky's brows went up. "Oh."

"Yeah," Gibbs said sourly. "Oh."

Ducky took a large breath in, and quickly recovered, not wanting to ask if Gibbs was talking about himself.

"I think life has a lot of grey area, and…one can find one's self in a new situation at any time. To me…it seems foolish to limit one's self to only one flavor of _iced cream,_ as it were. Life is to be tasted! But we all have natural tendencies, surely, as to which sex we are attracted to. Most people know early on in life, where their leanings are." He stopped to take in Gibbs, who was still pacing a little, but slowing down, listening to him.

"However, my dear friend, as you very well know, life is not a paint by numbers, or play one can rehearse. Some people have feelings that they repress, long into adulthood, for fear of being rejected by those they love, if they were to…express such feelings. But as we get older…it can occur to us that we don't have to be so linear in our thinking, or be defined by what others may think. We can be attracted to a _person_, not a gender, specifically. And can find ourselves …in new territory. Which in my estimation, is an opportunity to grow…to learn. In essence…yes. I believe it is possible. Though how it comes about is surely not a fixed scenario."

Gibbs was still now. Lost in thought.

_Is this about Tony?_ The ME thought. _Or about Gibbs_? _Did one discover…something about the other, hence the uncomfortable silence? _ Ducky wanted to ask, but felt it would not be appropriate to push Gibbs for an answer, on such a delicate topic.

Gibbs finally looked up at Ducky, and without smiling, said "Thanks. Duck." And then turned and walked out, leaving the older man to shake his head a little, worried about the implications of Gibbs' question.

* * *

Abby showed up at Tony's desk about 16:00 hours. When Tony saw her coming towards him, he had to stop himself from panicking or flinching.

Before Gibbs had left his apartment the other day, he had fully explained how he came by the book, how he'd confiscated it from McGee before he read too much. But also that Abby…had read the whole thing. And was the one who pushed Gibbs to read it.

He understood Abby, probably as well as anyone could. That she had worried…and dug into it…roping the Probie in…and he thought he could handle and forgive that. Because, she was truly worried about him and loved him.

But now that he saw her…he felt hot anger slicing through his rational thoughts, burning him.

Niether she or McGee knew that_ he_ knew.

"Hi Tony!" she smiled brightly, and placed a daisy in a small black glitter skull vase on his desk.

He looked at it, and then back at her, trying to keep his cool.

"Hi Abbs," he said softly, as her expression changed a bit.

"You…look tired. Um…are you okay? Cos'…I wanted to see if you wanted to go out for a drink tonight."

"Tonight?" he echoed tiredly.

"Yep," she nodded, and smiled sweetly again. "But…if you're…too tired, or…not up to it, I understand. I just…thought we could spend some one on one time. Just you and me. Talk…"

He cocked his head, "About what Abbs?"

She looked a little guilty, as her eyes darted for a moment, "I dunno'…anything you want." She looked at him hopefully.

He wasn't sure if she meant to talk about the book. But Gibbs had explained why Abby felt the older man should be the one to discuss it with him. First. He got that. She just had no idea the repercussions of her meddling. She should have left it alone.

"No," he said, with a scowl, and then looked back at his computer screen.

She shifted on her feet a little, uncertain of what had just happened. He had never been like this with her. She was confused, and now suddenly worried she had done something wrong.

_Something wrong…oh, no._ He knew. Something had happened. Maybe Gibbs talked to him, she thought. And now…he was pissed off at her.

She swallowed and her eyes teared up a little. "The book," she breathed.

He looked up at her suddenly, and then quickly around, to see if any of the others were listening, but Gibbs was the only other team member in the bullpen, and he was on the phone.

Tony smiled at her, but it was tinged with anger, "Bingo," he said, low and soft.

She looked suddenly at a loss, not knowing what to do, and fumbled with her words. "Tony, I…I'm sorry…if you're upset. I…you looked….I just…was worried about you," her voice cracked a little at the end.

He looked down at his desk, and still didn't say anything.

"I was just trying to help…" she said, wringing her hands a little.

"Trying to help?" he asked, incredulously, eyes ablaze and now boring into her. "You have no idea what you did." He was shaking. He was furious with her. Almost as much as with Wendy. But with Abby it was mixed with guilt. With Abby, this was like kicking a puppy. With Wendy…like trying to avoid the bite of a poisonous snake.

Her bottom lip was trembling, "I'm sorry, Tony. I'm sorry," she said, and there was great distress in the tone. So much so that Gibbs finally looked up from his desk, and quickly tried to wind down his phone call.

Tony swallowd harshly, and suddenly felt the walls closing on him.

As Gibbs got up from his desk, glancing from Abby's face, now streaked with tears, and Tony's pale one, he growled, "What the Hell's going on ?"

Tony got up, almost stumbling out of his chair and quickly stepped out and around them, mumbling, "I need some air," and brushed against Gibbs as he exited the bullpen. He didn't look back at them as he strode quickly to the elevator.

Gibbs felt the electricity of that momentary brush against his shoulder, and the butterflies in his stomach that came from just that little contact with Tony.

But he shook it off, seeing Abby crying. Which he couldn't stand.

"Hey," he said, lifting her chin with his finger, as she started to actually hiccup now. 'What happened?'

"The…book," she choked, and sniffed. "I guess…you…t-talked to him…"

Gibbs averted her teary gaze for a moment, and then gently said, "He's…not to happy with either one of us right now. But…" he looked back at her, giving her a little smile of reassurance, "He'll come around, Abby. He knows you just care about him a lot." He enfolded her trembling form into his arms, wondering to himself if the words were for her, or for him.

* * *

That night, Abby was just prepping the cushions in the coffin to get to sleep. She sighed dejectedly. She hadn't seen Tony again after the little scene in the bullpen, and Gibbs hadn't been willing to fill her in on what had transpired between them.

She only knew that somehow, she'd let Tony down, even though she had meant well.

She wanted to cry again.

She wasn't sure if she could sleep.

And then someone was banging on her door, making her jump a little.

"ABS!" a voice called from the hallway outside her apartment.

It was Tony, She was excited and worried all at once. She ran to the door, and flung it open.

Immediately she could see he was wasted.

She didn't know what to say. But that didn't matter because he stumbled in past her, into the apartment with a "HeyyyyAbbs."

She watched him stumble into her living room, and flop onto the couch. She closed the door.

"Tony…." She asked, a little frightened. "Did you drive like this?"

He laughed, green eyes bloodshot, "Nawww…tookhhacab. Fromma…Mullll…Mulligan's."

She sighed with relief. But now was worried at the state he was in. "I'm gonna make you some coffee, Tonyboy," she said, calming herself.

But he grabbed her wrist, not too hard, to stop her. "Abby…M'sorrryyy…" his eyes started to mist up. "M'sorr…sorry." He stared at her face, in anguish.

She leaned down quickly, and threw her arms around him, awash in relief but hoping he'd remember the conversation. "Oh, Tony…I'm the one that's sorry…I love you so much. I love you. You're my big brother. And I was just trying to look out for you."

"I know," he breathed into her hair, tightening his embrace.

They stayed like that for a few minutes.

"You…smelllll, like…reallllygood."

She laughed. "I can't believe you can smell me over that alcohol." He reaked of liquor.

He let her go, and pushed her back, smiling like a madman, "Thatsss eau'd Gibbs….Bourbon. Hisss…fav…"

Suddenly his face changed.

She grabbed him, pulling him up , and they ran for her bathroom, making it just in time.

"Oh, Tony," she sighed, rubbing his back, as he retched into the bowl and groaned pathetically.


	13. Chapter 13

Tony had crashed with Abby that night, and was thankful she didn't press him for more about his "talk" with Gibbs.

He took a cab, got his car from Mulligan's, and home to clean himself up and change.

He was an hour late to the Yard.

There was no reprimand.

No headslap.

Just a raised brow and nod from Gibbs.

His heart sunk.

The rest of the week went along the same lines. As far as Gibbs went. He was very professional. And never touched Tony.

McGee kept giving him looks. He knew Abby had likely told McGee he was aware they'd both read some (in Abby's case all) of the book.

But Tony just kept his head down, and mirrored Gibbs' cool professionalism.

It was the hardest week of his life. Every night he went home feeling drained. And though Abby and he had gotten past _their _issues, for the time being, he felt like he was getting strange looks and stares from everyone on the team, excluding Ziva, who seemed to be just waiting things out. He even caught Ducky at one point looking at him pensively in the middle of showing Gibbs someone's liver.

He wondered if they all knew…had read the book, and hadn't told him.

He was struggling not to get snippy, and to focus. And to not look at Gibbs, with his pale blue eyes and long fingers gripped around the coffee cup…which Tony wished were around his cock.

* * *

When they were finally all off for the weekend, he found himself at Gibbs house, one night, needing very badly to be able to talk to him…to just be comfortable around him. To sit on the basement steps and just hang around while Gibbs tooled with a project…like they did all the time before _it_ happened.

Gibbs had said they would try to get back to normal somehow. But Tony didn't feel normal. He felt lost.

Gibbs heard the feet on the stairs, his breath catching in his throat, knowing who it was before he looked up.

Tony slowly came down, in a plain tee shirt and jeans. Looking as pale and tired as he had all week. Gibbs buried the guilt down again…probably for the hundredth time since the day _it_ happened…he suppressed a shiver…

As Gibbs continued to glue the pegs into the legs of his new project, he said, "What's up, Tony?"

By the casual, almost dismissive tone of his words, Tony knew Gibbs was uncomfortable with his presence. His hands went cold.

He didn't speak at first, just quietly walked to the new worktable, and skimmed his hand along the opposite side from Gibbs. Without looking at him directly he said, "This is nice. Looks sturdier than your other one was, Boss."

"Yeah," Gibbs answered. "Built this one to last." And continued gluing his pegs…forcing himself not to look at Tony. Why were his hands suddenly so unsteady?

Tony sighed, wishing he and Gibbs were like that. Built to last. He thought…he thought they were. But maybe that was just crap. He had deluded himself. Suddenly, he felt he'd made a mistake coming to see Gibbs.

He looked up, but Gibbs wouldn't return his glance.

He turned to walk back up the stairs.

"Wait," Gibbs said suddenly, putting the wood glue down. "What…what's up? Are you okay?"

Tony wanted to go. Willed his feet to move. He had one hand on the banister.

He shook his head, "No. I'm not…okay." He slowly turned, feeling sick. Gibbs was finally looking at him. And all he saw was guilt.

His mouth twisted a little, and he tried to stretch his neck to relieve the tension he felt. He looked up at Gibbs. "You…said…we were gonna try to get past what happened…"

Gibbs just stared at him for a minute, and then gave an irritated eye roll, before opening his mouth to speak.

But Tony cut him off. "You know what, Boss? Screw you." Tony's voice quivered a little. "I didn't make you fuck me. But you're…punishing me for it anyway. And I thought…" He frowned and looked down for a moment, breathing heavily, trying to keep his anger from spiraling out of control. He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he was shocked to see how red Gibbs eyes had gotten, and that he was trembling slightly himself. "You…can barely stand next to me at work, you…you're just…" he struggled to find the words. "Ten _years..._and you just...shut me out. Just like that._"_

Gibbs took a deep breath. "Tony…"

Tony's brow furrowed for just a moment. "I shouldn't have come." He turned quickly.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked, and he froze. "I…just…give me a minute, dammit!"

Tony didn't turn to look at him, because he didn't want the older man to see the tears that were threatening to fall…again. _Jesus_. Did he have to humiliate himself in front of the man again? Stupid Tony…"So stupid," he whispered out loud.

"No," Gibbs said softly. "No. I'm a bastard. And that's what it boils down to."

"Well," Tony said thickly, with a snort,"that's the catch-all isn't it Boss? It's great to have that to fall back on. Wish I knew how to do that."

He heard Gibbs take another step towards him. Tony drew in a shuddering breath.

"What do you want me to say, Tony?" Gibbs breathed out.

"Nothing," he muttered. "Just thought I'd stop and try to have a simple conversation with you before I go forget about you with someone else. Thought…maybe we could…try to at least act like we like each other again. But…" he turned to face Gibbs, with fire in his green eyes. "It's okay Boss. You go back to your wood glue. I'm sure Jake will make me feel better about my bastard Boss." He turned and walked up the stairs, hoping Gibbs choked on it. Hoping his little white lie of having a date with a man would at least show Gibbs he wasn't going to sit at home and lament. And that it would bother Gibbs. A lot.

He got up the stairs from the basement, and walked through the living room, and was so upset he didn't hear Gibbs running up the steps behind him.

As Tony opened the front door, a hand shot out from behind him and slammed it closed.

He was about to turn and unleash some of his fury in choice words at Gibbs, but he was spun around and slammed into the door so quickly it was dizzying.

Gibbs had his forearm up against Tony's chest. His pupils were blown out, a thin line of grey-blue around them was all Tony could see. Gibbs was breathing heavily.

Tony put his hands up to Gibbs' arm and tried to push away, but the man was leveraged better with a back leg out than Tony could manage up against the door.

He was trembling, and grunted out , "What the fuck are you doing?"

"You think," Gibbs began, his voice dripping with rage, "I'm gonna let you go _do_ some other guy?"

Tony felt a hand go to the back of his head, and pull at his hair, jerking him back a little.

Suddenly, with his throat exposed, and Gibbs pressed up against him, his dick jumped in his pants. He wanted to scream at Gibbs…knock him down…get away…but that was just another voice in his head. The other one was demanding he pay attention to the way Gibbs was looking at his mouth, and the way the older mans erection felt against his thigh.

Gibbs was frightening like this, and for a moment, Tony wasn't sure what he was going to do.

And then suddenly Gibbs groaned, and savagely kissed him.

All the pain, and anger, melted away in an instant, replaced by hunger and desperation.

Gibbs' tongue dominated him, and he let out a whimper that was sad and filled with want. He was so confused…

Even as he wanted this man, so much…he was still feeling lost…unsure…afraid to be hurt again. But he couldn't stop, He wanted this. Wanted Gibbs, so badly...

Gibbs loosened his arm, never breaking off the swirling of his tongue, slowly scooping and licking inside Tony's mouth. He kept one hand in Tony's hair, holding on brutally to keep his head in place, and then allowed his other hand to roam the lean body, ghosting over the bulge in his jeans. When he reached under the tee shirt and pinched a nipple, Tony arched and gasped against his lips.

They were both heating up, hands sweating, and Tony started to grope Gibbs hard body as well.

Gibbs stuck his hand suddenly down Tony's pants, and grabbed his dick.

"**Ah!**" Tony cried out…"_Gibbs_…" the hand stroked a little, but Gibbs growled now angrily at the limited space the jeans allowed.

So he took his hands and proceeded to practically rip Tony's clothes off his body.

He tee shirt made a small sound of stitches popping as Gibbs pulled it over Tony's body violently and then opened his fly, and pulled down his jeans, exposing his cock which bobbed free, swollen and dripping.

Tony was almost hyperventilating. Gibbs grabbed Tony's member and stroked, as the younger man twisted and writhed against the door. "Unhh…oh…**God**!"

It was completely frenzied, and Tony almost couldn't believe when Gibbs dropped to his knees, and opened his mouth to take Tony into it.

He shrieked, legs barely keeping him up against the door. "Ohhh! OHGOD! Fuckfuckfuck!" Gibbs' wet mouth sucked up and down, making him shake violently. Strong hands held his hips against the door.

He felt sweat start to drip down the sides of his body, as he arched further and further off the door. If Gibbs kept going, he was going to cum down the man's throat.

"**Gibbs**!" Tony yelled, but as he approached orgasm, Gibbs stopped, pulling away his deliciously hot mouth. Tony cried out in frustration.

"Off," Gibbs growled, pulling off Tony's shoes and throwing the jeans somewhere into the living room.

Then he grabbed Tony and tugged him down onto the floor. He landed hard, naked, and he struggled to breathe when his back hit the floor.

As he tried to regain his wind, Gibbs jumped up and stripped.

As Tony panted on the floor, he saw Gibbs walk into the kitchen and back out, with the olive oil.

He got beyond excited, letting out a desperate sound, watching Gibbs slick himself up, stroking his big dick a few times as he gazed down at Tony with undisguised lust.

He kneeled down on the wood floor between Tony's legs, and yanked them wide apart.

Tony was gasping, suddenly feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed by the thought Gibbs was going to fuck him like this. At least the first time he hadn't been looking in his eyes...

Gibbs leaned down over Tony, grabbing his hair again and pinning his head back, as two fingers covered in oil entered him roughly.

He felt his eyes widen from the shock of it, and then the burn it caused. He writhed and gasped, and grabbed Gibbs' arm with one hand, fingers clawing into it. He looked up at Gibbs' face.

The blue eyes burned into him, never looking away, his mouth set in a slightly sadistic little smile.

"Ah!" Tony convulsed on the hard floor, legs shaking, as the fingers fucked him mercilessly.

Gibbs stared into his eyes, and his face, and then leaned forward and kissed him, never slowing down the movements of his hand between Tony's legs. And then a third finger was added, as Gibbs' mouth suffocated the half-scream he let out.

Tony was arching, grasping and clawing at Gibbs' shoulders, and starting to moan uncontrollably, when Gibbs removed his fingers, and quickly pulled himself up, to center himself on his knees between Tony's thighs.

For a moment, everything stilled, as their eyes locked onto each other. And then Gibbs rammed his cock into Tony's body as he cried out, arching off the floor, his whole torso straining and legs quivering. His breath came in strangled, desperate pulls. Gibbs pressed himself inside Tony's tight ass, and grabbed around Tony's thighs, pulling him up higher, ass flush against Gibbs body. He felt like even Gibbs' balls must be inside him.

It was almost too much to bear. He sobbed, "Gibbs…I c-can't…I can't…"

"Shhhhh," Gibbs soothed, and wrapped a fist around Tony's desperately leaking shaft. He stroked, while Tony continued to writhe, his eyes starting to roll in his head. He moaned, helpless now to stop himself from cumming. The pleasure and the pain were all mixed up, rising in him like an ocean tide.

"That's it…just for me…"Gibbs whispered to him, watching Tony's every twitch and movement, enrapt. He leaned forward, one hand on the floor next to Tony's shoulder, and kept pumping and twisting him. He started to move, slowly out and back , and then shoved his length back in to Tony's ass, angling up and forward, to graze his sweet spot.

Tony's hands which had been clutching at Gibbs so frantically suddenly fell away, arms going up over his head, as Gibbs felt his whole body tense, sphincter squeezing impossibly tight around him. His breathing almost stopped altogether as he looked at Gibbs through barely open eyes, mouth slack, and Gibbs repeated, "Just for me," as he thrust, "Cum…just for me boy."

And then Tony arched, so extremely, his head hit the wood flooring, and his cock jerked in Gibbs' hand, furiously spurting out semen up his chest and neck. Tony's mouth was open, forming a soundless "o", eyes rolled up in his head in ecstasy, as the spasms pulsed through him.

The feeling of Tony's ass and body tightening up around him was too much, and even before Tony's body soundlessly went limp, Gibbs started to fuck him violently, deeper and harder, trying to bury himself inside the beautiful cum covered man under him.

He looked at Tony's handsome face and slightly swollen lips, and brown nipples and dusting of chest hair, now glistening with creamy white.

He felt the orgasm slam into him like a truck, intense and almost painful as it wound up through his balls. He spread out on top of Tony, who was only barely opening his eyes in an orgasmic haze, and howled, as he filled the deliciously tight ass with his own release. On and on, he almost blacked out himself, before finally it was over, and he lie still and panting on top of Tony.

He said softly, in a puff of air in Tony's ear, "Just for me, Tony…please…."

The last word had sounded raw, and fearful, and Tony opened his eyes to look at Gibbs' face. The eyes that were filled with passion and heat mere seconds ago were now filled with a fragility that took Tony's breath away.

He swallowed, and nodded, looking at Gibbs in amazement. Bringing a hand to his face, he choked out, "Just for you," and tears spilled down his cheeks. "Only for you."


	14. Chapter 14

Tony was speechless, when Gibbs had quietly gotten off the floor, and gave him a hand up.

He stood, and was vaguely dizzy, hearing the sound of Gibbs locking the door. _Locking everyone out, or me in?_ he wondered.

His next surprise was the warm, calloused hands in the shadows of the hallway nudging him towards the stairs, towards the bedroom.

Tony felt nervous all over again. What did it all mean?

One minute Gibbs could hardly look at him, and the next he was ravaging Tony's body…and maybe even his soul…

They entered the master bedroom in the darkness, and Gibbs went to the bathroom, turning on the light inside. He closed the door and left a crack, a sliver of light for them to see with.

Tony's eyes adjusted to see the strong, muscled silhouette approach the bed and pull back the covers.

He swallowed.

Gibbs hardly slept in this room…

Gibbs got in and motioned him, with a soft, "Come."

Tony hesitated for just a moment, feeling the surreal quality the situation. But then he remembered the way Gibbs' eyes had looked at him, right after they'd both had blinding orgasms on the floor downstairs.

He took a shaky breath, and got into the bed.

He shifted a bit, on a pillow, adjusting to get comfortable on his side, facing the older man, his head leaning on the hand of his bent arm.

Gibbs saw the uncertainty, before Tony decided to lie next to him. He couldn't blame him. His head had to be spinning.

He noticed the flick of Tony's eyelashes, just barely in the dark.

There was a line of light from the bathroom door, but it rested lower on the bed, across their legs.

Gibbs took a breath. "You didn't really have a date tonight, did you?"

Tony snorted softly. "No. But…I dunno…I guess I wanted to get under your skin."

"Think it worked?"

"Ah…yeah," Tony said, smiling though he wasn't sure Gibbs could see it. "But…I didn't expect you to get…ah…"

"Crazy?"

"Yeah."

Gibbs sighed, "Well, I thought you were probably full of shit. But…then I thought…what if…and" Gibbs swallowed harshly. "I just…to think you might be…" Gibbs stopped to rub his face. He flopped back on the bed to look up at the ceiling. "I dunno' which end is up. I'm just not myself right now."

Tony felt disturbed by the comment, but appreciated that Gibbs was trying to communicate with him, and was doing it in a bed.

"You don't want another man touching me."

A pause.

"No. I don't."

"But, Boss-"

"Lee."

"Huh?"

"You're naked in my bed, Tony, calling me Boss is a little wierd…unless maybe the moment calls for it…"

"K'ay…uh…_Lee_, why after all these years? You never got upset about the women. The…numerous…women I've been with."

Gibbs was quiet for a while, turning it over in his mind. But he couldn't come up with an exact answer. "I dunno'. Maybe…because…it was never a possibility to me you'd want a man? Maybe…I wanted you but blocked it out? I mean…chrissakes, I've had four wives."

Tony chuckled. "Maybe they didn't have the right equipment."

Gibbs snorted. "I dunno'. " And then he said more quietly, "But…I loved Shannon. Very much…"

"I know."

After an longer pause, Tony said, "You…never did it with a guy at all? I mean…you're good, Bo- err, Lee."

Gibbs laughed a little this time. "No. Never. Maybe we should thank Wendy for teaching me some things with that book."

Tony bristled at the mention of it, and Gibbs felt the shift of Tony's body stiffening on the bed.

Tony sighed.

"Hey," Gibbs said in almost a whisper, as he turned and touched Tony's face. "I told you…I know I should have let you know that I read it. And I'm sorry for that."

He heard Tony swallow again in the darkness, "Don't apologize, Lee, it's a sign of weakness."

"Not between friends," Gibbs replied.

"That what we are? Friends? Because…" Tony started to feel anxiety building in him. Fear that this was just a brief interlude, and that Gibbs would return to his version of Superman in the Fortress of Solitude tomorrow. "I can't…lose you. You've been the only person I know I can count on…and…" he was struggling, breath starting to hitch a little.

Hearing the distress in Tony's voice, Gibbs reached out without any hesitation, pulling the trembling form to him. Tony felt so good. Yet _so _different than a woman.

And…how could he still smell like a cookie after the sex downstairs?

In fact it was a sweet mix of musk, and sex, and cookie.

He held Tony tight, letting a hand stroke his head, But then he felt hot liquid drip onto his neck from where Tony's face was buried. And it killed him, that any of the pain was brought about by Gibbs' own actions.

Gibbs sighed into his hair, "I dunno' what I'm doing exactly…with you…but I don't wanna' hurt you. I swear I don't. I'm not sure though, that I can help myself. God help me, I want you…I just can't promise you…"

"You don't have to promise me anything," Tony murmured. "Just don't push me out of your life. I won't...be able to handle that..." he barely got the words out, choking a little on them.

He felt Gibbs' hand drop gently from his hair, and start to slowly run up and down his back, and his ass, down the back of his thighs, and then back up his side.

And as he continued to do it, to soothe them both, Gibbs realized after some time Tony had calmed. And was starting to gasp a little, and whimper in response to his hands.

Gibbs allowed his hand to go from Tony's ass again, down the back of his thighs, but then instead of letting it drift up his side, lightly ghosted it over his cock, which was as hard as a rock once more.

Gibbs circled his long fingers over the velvety skin covering the yearning flesh.

"Uhhhh…" Tony moaned and then his breath hitched suddenly as Gibbs slowly stroked him.

He wanted to take his time now, instead of practically attacking the younger man.

Tony leaned back into the pillow, throwing his head back a little, exposing his throat and arching a bit. He started to thrust into Gibbs' hand.

Tony hissed as Gibbs' hand stopped for a moment to move to his balls, tugging gently on them.

"You like the way we did it?" Gibbs asked. "Or do you…do you like to be the one on top?" He was unsure he really wanted the answer to that, but felt he should ask. Instead of just taking. The way he had done…brutally. He remembered hearing Tony's puff of breath as the air was knocked out of him when Gibbs pulled him down onto the floor…

"I can do either…but…I probably…uhhhhh" he tried to continue, but Gibbs was stroking him again, and licking and nibbling his shoulder. "I…ahhhh…like it more when…"

Suddenly Gibbs moved, and the bed shifted, as a hot tongue licked Tony's dickhead.

"Oh!" Tony yelped. "Fuck! How the hell do you do that to me?" he was sweating, and writhing, feeling the lips and tongue, and hot breath on his shaft.

Suddenly, he decided to turn the tables on Gibbs, and grabbed the back of his head by its silvery hair, glowing in the little bit of bathroom light.

He shoved his whole cock into Gibbs' mouth, crushing his head to him. "God! Suck my dick!"

For just a moment he thought maybe he'd made Gibbs angry, because he pulled his head back, but it was because the older man started to choke a bit and needed air.

"Ah…sorry…Boss. Lee. Sorry…"he gentled his hand on Gibbs' head a little.

"Easy, Tony," Gibbs said in amusement. "I'm not used to this."

"Could'a fooled me. I love the way you suck me…" Tony groaned, as Gibbs resumed what he was doing. "Jesus! And I…especially love the way you fuck me…"

Gibbs hummed his response while continuing to lick and suck up and down.

Tony's hands went out, grasping bunches of blanket, writhing and moaning more loudly. He wished there was more light in the room.

Suddenly it stopped, Gibbs withdrew his mouth, and shifted again in the darkness.

"On your side," he breathed out to Tony, who rolled onto his side, away from Gibbs.

He felt the warmth of the older man's body press up against him. He groaned, pressing his hips back.

"Easy," he heard by his ear. As one of Gibbs' arms scooped under his ribcage and encircled him. The hand attached to it pinched Tony's left nipple. He hissed and felt Gibb's dick hard against his ass as he squirmed.

Lips kissed the back of Tony's neck, as he grabbed Gibbs' hip and pulled him hard up against him.

"Not this time…" Gibbs whispered. "Slow this time…"He wanted to know what it would be like to just take their time…and not feel like he was raping the other man.

Tony whimpered loudly in protest, but then let out a gasp of pleasure as he felt Gibbs enter him from behind, slipping in with ease, olive oil and Gibbs' cum still coating the tight channel.

"Tony," Gibbs grunted into his ear, while hands were pinching his nipples and brushing up against his cock.

"I…I…" Tony tried to for words, but he could barely breathe. The big dick was gliding slowly out, and then swooping back in, deeply, erasing his thoughts.

Gibbs focused his intent on mapping every shiver of pleasure, every moan, every twitch in the younger man's body, as he drove him crazy with the slow but relentless pace.

"I dunno' how long I can take this…" Tony moaned out, reaching back behind him to claw at Gibbs' shoulders and back.

"You'll take it as long as I _make_ you," Gibbs said in a low growl.

"**Yes**…God…yes Boss…"

Gibbs smiled at the timely use of the word "Boss."

Tony's skin was becoming roasting hot and slick with sweat. Gibbs stroked his dick on and off, stopping whenever Tony seemed close to orgasm. Tony's breathing had become so ragged, that after a while, he was closer to sobbing, and starting to babble.

When Gibbs heard the stream of cries, "_Onlyyouonlyyou…onlyyoubossgodpleasem'gunnadie_," his own need overtook him.

He rolled Tony onto his stomach, pushing out Tony's legs with his knees, and then leaned down on his back, as he started to thrust into him more vigorously.

Sweat was now pouring down Gibbs' own body, and face, as he hammered into the hot, tight asshole.

He knew when he'd gotten the tempo and angle right when he heard "**OHGOD**! YESYESYES! FUCK RIGHTHERE!" from the shuddering man underneath him.

Gibbs felt the curling up sensation inside him, as his body approached orgasm. "Tony," he moaned. "I'm gonna give it all to you…"

"_I'm cumming_," Tony said in a barely audible voice, unable to breathe, as his body clenched around Gibbs' cock.

Gibbs' whole body began to tense and flex as he let himself ram full force into Tony, and bit down on his shoulder, causing the younger man to cry out, as Gibbs' hips stuttered and he felt wave upon wave of spasm drain him completely.

He closed his eyes, lying on top of Tony for a minute, trying to catch his breath.

He was completely spent.

He rolled off the still form, and then onto his side, sighing contentedly.

He brought gentle fingers to Tony's face, turned towards him, and then smiled as he heard the soft snore.

* * *

It was morning.

Tony smelled coffee, and stretched, jerking a little from the aches and pains left to remind him of what had happened the night before.

He wanted to get up and shower. And then…what? How would Gibbs act today? He still wasn't at all sure what was happening between them. Except that it was _huge_.

The sex was…unbelievable.

But what would happen to them? To their friendship ? To their…relationship?

"Get a grip," Tony said to himself, forcing his body up and into Gibbs' bathroom. As he ran the shower, and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he heard the echoes in his mind of the conversations he'd had with his reflection earlier in the week. Fear and insecurity tugged at him. But then he saw the reddish mark on his shoulder where Gibbs had bitten him in a moment of passion.

_Passion._

He was more than just a toy. More than just an experiment. More than just a friend.

Something warm was trying to work it's way outward from his heart…fighting away the fear and self-loathing that seemed to always lie in wait.

At least there was some hope for them…maybe?

He sighed and turned to step into the shower.

* * *

Gibbs was whistling to himself in the kitchen, starting up the range to make eggs and bacon for them.

_You used to whistle when you made breakfast for Shannon on Sundays,_ a little voice said in the back of his mind.

The realization of that brought on a myriad of emotions. Shock, guilt, happiness, fear…and maybe something else he just couldn't face right now. He enjoyed being with Tony last night…the sex was inexplicably fantastic. Even though Tony had almost choked him.

Suddenly Gibbs laughed to himself and shook his head. "Guess I'll have to work on that."

He put the bacon on in one pan, and then eggs in another, and then he heard the thud of the daily newspaper hit his front door.

As Gibbs quickly walked to the door, and unlocked it, Tony barreled down the stairs in a towel, needing to find his clothes.

He saw Gibbs in the doorway, leaning down to get the paper.

As Gibbs stood up and turned, stepping back into the house, Tony put an arm around him and said "Good morning," smiling as he got closer to Gibbs. He was about to lean in and nip the older man's neck playfully, when he was shoved away hard.

Tony had to keep himself from falling into the wall, and looked up at Gibbs with wide eyes as he turned and slammed the front door closed.

"What the _Hell_, DiNozzo?" he said, irritated, and glaring at Tony, panting just a bit.

Tony's mouth opened, but no words came out. His expression changed from shock to anger, and then a cooler mask of indifference. He just stared at Gibbs and let out a barely audible breath.

_Not again, Gunny, _Gibbs thought to himself._ You screwed the pooch AGAIN_.

Gibbs took a breath. He looked down at Tony's bare feet for a moment. And then back up to his disappointed green eyes.

"M'not so ready…for other people to know…" Gibbs said, apologetically.

Tony looked away, and nodded. Still not responding with any words.

_Shit_, Gibbs thought. "You just caught me by surprise. I didn't mean to-"

"S'okay." Tony cut him off, nodding. "I get it, Boss." He then quickly moved, looking around for his clothes.

Gibbs heard the snapping of the oil in the kitchen, and went in, hoping he hadn't burned anything.

Once he'd rescued the eggs, he turned to see Tony had his jeans and shoes on, and was snaking his tee shirt back on, over his head.

"I hope you're in the mood for eggs over and bacon," Gibbs said, hoping Tony really did understand what had just happened. That it was just Gibbs being jumpy…

Tony stood at the entrance of the kitchen, and looked at Gibbs for a long moment, his head tilted. Gibbs felt dread at the cool stare…feeling like something was being evaluated. Like he was being evaluated. And somehow he knew he would come up short. Because he'd screwed up. Again.

Tony must have picked up on the apprehension, as he stared at Gibbs' blue eyes. He sighed, and looked at the plate on the counter, eggs sitting in wait for the bacon.

He looked back at Gibbs, almost longingly, but said, "Sorry, Boss. I gotta go. I promised Abby I'd help her with something this morning." He tried a weak smile, and then quickly turned and grabbed his car keys off the console table by the kitchen.

"Tony-" Gibbs called after him, hearing the front door open, and walked out of the kitchen in time to see it close.

He knew he should go after him, make him understand. But…the truth was he couldn't bear to make a scene out where the neighbors might see.

See him having a fight with his…lover? Boyfriend? Jesus. Boyfriend?

And then with sadness, he thought, Ex?

* * *

Tony drove.

He needed to clear his head.

It was understandable. Gibbs' reaction was probably natural for a guy who'd been straight his whole life. Hell, Tony was terrified at what the release of Wendy's book could still do to him.

Maybe he was being a hypocrite.

Maybe…_he_ was the douchebag this time. Not Gibbs.

The look in Gibbs' eyes as he tried to coax Tony into breakfast…

"God!" He banged the steering wheel with his hand.

He knew it was too late for them to get past this. To return to the way things used to be. He also knew…he _loved_ Gibbs. He didn't want to go back to the way things were. But could there _be_ a forward? He…was…_in love_ with Gibbs. And Gibbs…was maybe not going to be able to handle this.

Over the years, when he'd had a problem, he knew he could go to Gibbs. And Gibbs would help. Talk to him, or listen, or just get skunked on bourbon with him in the basement or Mulligan's. He trusted Gibbs with his life.

But who the Hell could he talk to now? If he couldn't talk to Gibbs, _who would he have left to depend on?_

Once again, the thought of losing Gibbs, and his friends, and his job…losing _everything_, crashed down on him.

He'd only ever had one home…one real home. And that was NCIS.

Tony pulled into his parking spot in the garage under his building. He sat in the car for a minute, trying to calm himself.

He was tired of this. Feeling afraid. Afraid of what people would find out. Afraid of losing…

He closed his eyes for a moment.

_What are you, Tony, a pussy? For chrissakes, you're a Federal Agent. You're a man. You've faced serial killers, terrorists. Bombs. Y pestis. Murder charges. And they all stood by you. _

"Dumbass," he mumbled at himself. They were better friends than that. McGee, and Ziva, Abby and Ducky. Even Palmer. He should have more faith in them. And himself. Right?

And Vance couldn't fire him for sleeping with men.

_But he could make life hell, if it turns out he's a homophobe…_

"Enough!" he barked at himself.

He needed to eat something, and a change of clothes. And then he would take things one step at a time. Maybe…go back to Gibbs' later…and hopefully apologize…he raised a brow as he distantly wondered if make-up sex could be involved…

He got out of his car, head filled, wheels spinning in several directions.

Which is why he didn't notice the figure behind him, holding a hypodermic needle filled with amber fluid.


	15. Chapter 15

Gibbs felt the day drag on after what had happened with Tony that morning.

He sighed heavily, and tossed the sanding block he was holding down on the worktable in disgust.

Usually working with his hands gave him some zen. A way to let his mind turn things over indirectly, in a more peripheral way. A less...personally affecting way.

But it wasn't working this time.

He kept seeing Tony's face…the disappointment in his eyes after Gibbs had pushed him away in the doorway earlier.

He leaned against the worktable, staring off at nothing. Trying to identify and separate out the mélange of emotions tangled up inside. Part of him felt a little relieved that maybe Tony was so angry he would drop this…whatever it was. Relationship? But…that thought now left him sad. And confused. But…he was Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Master of control. He was not used to doing confused.

He snorted at himself.

"Completely out of control," he said softly, running his hand through his hair.

He wondered what Mike Franks would say about this one.

"_So…you're a cocksucker now Gunny? Well, they pay taxes… shoot guns n' defend our country too, jus' like every damnedbody else. Might wanna keep that one t'yourself, tho for a little while, Probie, at least start wearin' cologne for a few weeks before you break the news…"_ he could hear Mike growling out those words, and laughed.

He suddenly pinched the bridge of his nose, to relieve some of the tension headache he was developing. "I dunno' if I can do it, Mike," he said out loud.

"_Aw, Hell, Gunny. Since when you really give a damn what anybody thinks?"_

"True…" he said, going to his shelf and pouring himself two fingers of bourbon. "But…it's not what everybody else thinks, is it? It's what I think…of myself."

And that was the crux of it.

This wasn't who Gibbs had ever seen himself as. He'd been through Hell and back, between leaving Stillwater, the Marines, losing Shannon and Kelly…and also everything at NCIS... losing Jen…and Kate. But, he always knew who he was. Even when he suffered the head injury and had memory loss. He was still a hard ass Marine. Most definitely straight.

Not…bi? Was he? Or maybe…there was truth to what Ducky said, and it's the _person_ you fall in love with.

_Fall in love with?_

"Jesus," he murmured and drank down both fingers in one shot.

He still didn't have a clue what to do.

But he did know he couldn't leave it…he needed to talk to Tony…be with him. See his eyes and his smile, smell that crazy cookie scent that came off his skin and hair. Over the years, working with Tony, he knew just how smart and talented he was. And how he had the heart of a lion. Would go up against anything to protect Gibbs and the team. Anything.

Gibbs pulled out his cell phone from his sweatshirt, and hit the speed dial 3 for Tony.

It rang a full four times, and Gibbs frowned when he got sent to voicemail.

He hung up. His eyes roamed around the basement, as he thought about how he'd found Tony in such a devastated state after discovering Gibbs had read the book.

A twinge of real worry twisted in his gut.

Pocketing the cell again, he turned and headed up the stairs.

* * *

When Gibbs pulled up across the street from Tony's building, he got a very bad feeling.

Without knowing why, exactly. But that's how it always went.

As he crossed the street, he caught sight of Tony's car back in the garage. He decided to try and call him once more, before heading up to his apartment.

Once it connected, he heard a phone ringing somewhere outside, faintly echoing.

His pulse rate picked up.

It was a phone, ringing from somewhere in the garage.

Gibbs let it ring, jogging over to Tony's car, where he saw, with alarm, Tony's cell, wallet, keys, and gun just lying on the front seat.

And the car door was unlocked.

Tony would never do this.

Breathing a bit more heavily, Gibbs backed up, careful not to disturb anything, and looked around the car.

Just behind the left rear tire he saw it. An empty hypodermic.

"Tony…" Gibbs felt sick.

Gibbs ran into the building, and up to Tony's apartment, letting himself in with his key, gun drawn.

But it was silent, and undisturbed.

He cleared the rooms, seeing no evidence Tony had even made it inside today.

With a slight tremor in his hand, he pulled his cell again, and hit speed dial 4.

"_Boss? We got a case?"_ McGee answered on the second ring.

Gibbs' voice was tight, as he said, "Call Ziva. Get to Tony's with your kits as soon as you can…"

"_T-Tony's? Boss, what happened?"_ McGee's tone was filled with worry.

"Someone has him…someone took Tony," he said. _And when I find him, he'd better be okay, or who ever took him is gonna' wish they were never born._

* * *

Sick with worry.

All of them had the same pained expression in their eyes, as they processed the scene, explored every inch of the car and it's trunk, and took all Tony's things and the hypodermic back to the yard in evidence bags.

Gibbs' jaw muscles clenched, as he thought about Tony, and how things had been left between them. He walked into Abby's lab, forgetting the usual Caf-Pow. He knew that she wouldn't care this time.

She was paler even than usual, nervously scratching at her desk in front of her computer. She caught Gibbs coming in through her rear-view mirror.

As he approached her, he saw the pained look on her face.

"Gibbs," she breathed. "Is there-"

"No," he said, "no word on anything yet."

She looked around for just a flash, forlornly. She then said slowly, "The…hypodermic…was filled, w-with ketamine, and lesser amounts of detomidine and thiopental."

Gibbs let out an angry puff of air. "Horse tranquilizer."

Abby wrung her hands a little nervously. "In that combination ,yes."

Gibbs shook his head, sadly. Wherever Tony was, he wasn't likely feeling to well. And maybe even tripping.

"Any prints on it? Or Tony's things?" he asked hopefully.

She shook he head sadly. "No. I think they were wearing gloves."

He sighed. "Thanks Abbs." And then he turned to leave.

"Gibbs," she called after him.

He turned to see her, just standing there, trembling, with her eyes filling up with water.

He walked over to her as she suddenly hugged him, sniffling. She couldn't even speak. Abby speechless, was...practically cataclysmic.

Gibbs gave her a squeeze, and kissed the top of her head, taking comfort for himself in the embrace as well. "We'll find him," he murmured. "I promise."

* * *

When he got back to the bullpen, McGee and Ziva were engrossed in watching video footage. The garage at Tony's building had one video camera, and unfortunately, it was not pointed right at the spot where Tony's car was parked.

"What have you got?" Gibbs asked immediately, as they turned to him.

"We played back the video of all the cars that came in and out of the garage today," McGee began.

"All the cars belonged to tenants," Ziva said intently, "except for two."

"One was this Honda," McGee clicked the controller, showing the stop motion of a blue Honda Civic. "And it belonged to a relative of one of the tenants. The other, was this one."

McGee brought up a white Chevy Express Cargo van.

"Gibbs, the van entered the garage at 10:44. And then-" Ziva said, but Gibbs finished for her.

"And then Tony came home." Gibbs watched the image of Tony's car entering the garage in the grainy slow motion. "And not long after…"

"Yeah, Boss," McGee said. "Here it is leaving."

"I do not understand," Ziva bit out in frustration. "Tony is a trained Agent. How did this happen?"

Gibbs knew she was just very worried, but guilt ate at him. Tony was _distracted_. Likely, because of him.

"Plates, McGee?'

"The van plate, 44Y-72L, is registered to a rental company called Redi-Rent, up in Tacoma Park," McGee said.

"I wanna' know who rented that van, McGee," Gibbs said in a deadly tone.

"We have called, but the rental site is closed," said Ziva angrily. "But it is owned by a Phillip Sanchez. He lives in Silver Spring."

"Call him. Now," Gibbs commanded.

With a nod, she went quickly to her desk. McGee and Gibbs listened intently, as Ziva got Sanchez on the line. After a brief exchange, she hung up.

"He will meet us there to look up who rented the van today, because he has no access to the information at home," she said, while gathering her things and donning her jacket.

"McGee, I want you here," Gibbs said, "When we find out who rented that van, I want you to track the bastard."

McGee nodded, understanding, "You got it Boss."

Gibbs turned to leave.

"Boss," McGee said quietly, and Gibbs turned back for a minute to take in the concerned, large green eyes.

"Yeah?"

"He's _okay,_ right? I mean…they would have killed him if they wanted him dead…" McGee swallowed compulsively, seeing the steely expression in Gibbs' eyes.

"He's alive," Gibbs said, feeling it was true. "We'll find him." And with that he turned to catch up with Ziva.

* * *

Awareness oozed into him. Or did it? He couldn't tell for sure.

Where was this? Was it a place? Was he still in his body? The sensation of floating gently rippled through his consciousness.

Slowly, he opened his eyes.

It was evening. And he was lying on a bed. Was he at Gibbs' house?

He tried to make his mind focus.

No. It didn't look like Gibbs' place. Or his. He frowned a little to himself, but then, it was so much effort to try to think. He decided it didn't matter where he was at that moment. He was too relaxed to care.

Without reaction, he took stock of himself, looking down at his own body, in tee shirt and jeans…the same ones he had on at Gibbs'.

But there was something different about the outfit.

His feet were bare.

Wait…no. That wasn't it.

It was the rope. Tied around his wrists, as his eyes drifted up to look at them, to a wrought iron headboard. What …why were they like that?

He looked back down, and it seemed his ankles shared the same predicament. His legs were spread out on the bed, ankles tied to the metal corner posts.

He snorted softly. This was just silly.

How was he going to get out of bed if he was tied to it?

He blinked a little sleepily, and heard the noise of someone opening the door to the very non-descript room.

A man stepped in.

Tony tried to focus on his face., which was partially hidden by a simple black party mask. The mask gave the man a sinister look...he smiled at Tony with glee. It made him feel glimmer of fear. Fear he would not allow himself to show.

"Very Vincent Price," Tony breathed out slowly, almost slurring.

The man tilted his head and chuckled.

He was tall, with short, wavy blonde hair and blue eyes. A deeper blue than Gibbs'.

Something about that thought sobered him a bit more, as the man stood next to the bed, and put a hand on his chest, caressing him.

_He shouldn't be touching me…_

"You're awake," the man said in a pleased tone. "But I'm not sure you're awake enough for what I have planned." His hand trailed down Tony's stomach, ghosting over his groin and crotch, and then down his thigh.

He was finally, really worried. He struggled to remember how he'd gotten here. But couldn't do it. And he was going in and out of the floaty feeling…

"We're going to have such a good time together. I've been thinking about this…of having you to myself…"

"Don't…" Tony breathed out. "Keep…your…hands offfffme." He felt the man touching him again, but was losing the ability to keep his eyes open.

He was drifting off again…to the place he was before.

Seemingly from far away, he heard the man say, "Just a little while, Tony, and you'll show me…"


	16. Chapter 16

Tim held the phone to his ear as Gibbs gave him the name of the man who rented the van.

"_Brian Dean,_" Gibbs said, and then read off the address. "_21 Gossamer Court, in Riverdale. We're on our way no_w."

"You want back-up, Boss?"

"_Well. yeah, McGee. Local LEO's. Two cars. And the footage from the surveillance camera at the Redi-Rent is being uploaded and sent to you now. You should get it soon_."

"_That van was returned after hours, McGee, and the keys went in the drop box. Send someone over to get the van and the keys, to check for prints and anything else we can get from it_."

"Okay Bo-" McGee said, but Gibbs had already hung up.

* * *

Ziva and Gibbs pulled up in front of the little Victorian house at 21 Gossamer, seeing the police cars with lights off doing the same.

As they exited the car, Gibbs motioned to them to hang back, and follow them.

"Ziva, around back. You two," he pointed to two of the men, "Cover Agent David's six."

The one LEO, Officer Posa, paused and asked Gibbs, "This the Agent we're looking for, Agent Gibbs?"

Gibbs looked at the fax copy of Tony's picture. _Bless your heart McGee_. "Affirmative."

He nodded and quietly followed the other officer and Ziva in the dark around back, making as little noise as possible as they disappeared around the manicured porch.

Gibbs stepped as quietly as possible up the wooden steps, the other two LEO's behind him.

He knocked softly at the front door. "Brian Dean!" he called. "Special Agent Gibbs with NCIS! Open up sir!"

He heard some noise in the house, and was preparing to kick in the door, when it opened, the brown haired, brown-eyed man looking at Gibbs in alarm when he saw the drawn gun.

On reflex, the man tried to slam shut the door.

Gibbs forced it open saying, "**Stay where you are**!"

The somewhat shocked and trembling man raised his hands, not finding his voice.

"Honey? Whats-" a woman's voice chimed from the hallway, and then she screamed, seeing Gibbs holding the gun on Dean.

"NCIS, ma'am. Special Agent Gibbs," He held his badge up with one hand, while lowering his weapon only slightly with the other. " Step out where I can see you, both of you, hands out where I can see them." Gibbs stated coolly, but feeling there was something missing here. These people had truly been surprised by his arrival.

"Mr. Dean, did you rent a van today at Redi-Rent in Tacoma Park?"

"It's okay, Hil," the man tried to soothe the woman who looked near fainting with fear. "N-no. I did not," he said, looking angrily at Gibbs. "What the hell is this about?"

"A missing Federal Agent, Mr. Dean. A van was rented in connection with the kidnapping, and your license and credit card was used."

The man sighed angrily. "I knew something like this would happen. Look…Agent…Gibbs was it? Can I put my hands down?"

Gibbs nodded, keeping his weapon lowered but still drawn as he put his badge away.

The man, dressed in a very conservative button down shirt and sweater vest, lowered his arms. "Someone stole my wallet the other night, in Mulligan's. And I called to cancel my credit card…but I got that damned automated system. You'd think the credit card companies bend us all over enough to hire actual people. But I left the info with the fraud department, who said they would have a representative get back to me. I guess they didn't. But- you can check with them that I made the call."

Gibbs stood for a moment, blinking. Mulligan's. Tony had been there the other night…and gotten drunk. And stayed at Abbys. Gibbs knew this because Abby told him, to make him feel guilty about not talking to Tony about the book. Little did she know there was so much more to Tony's behavior.

"Can we search your house?" Gibbs asked, just to be sure.

"Yes, of course," the man said, as Gibbs motioned for the LEO's to go and look.

"Neatly," Gibbs growled after the LEO's, knowing sometimes they were rough in their searches.

"Ok, Hillary, you know…you can put your hands down," the man told his…girlfriend? Wife?

Gibbs believed the man's story. He put his gun back in it's holster.

"Is it Mrs. Dean?" Gibbs asked, as she shakily lowered her arms. She had on a little flower print dress, with a Peter Pan collar, and mousy dirty blonde hair, pulled back in a ponytail.

"Ah…almost," she smiled, pointing at her engagement ring.

"Well, Gibbs said, "Congratulations."

She looked at him sourly.

The LEOs found nothing suspicious, as Gibbs knew they wouldn't. And Ziva came back around, and into the open font door with Officer Posa, after seeing nothing suspicious out back.

"Well," Gibbs said, pulling out a card for Dean, "what can you tell me about the night you were at Mulligan's? Did you have any idea who might have stolen your wallet?'

The man scratched his face, as his fiancé sat down in a chair in the hallway with a sigh.

"No idea Agent Gibbs."

"Did you see anything out of the ordinary?" Gibbs asked, as Ziva listened to the conversation intently.

The man tilted his head. "Uh…yeah. I guess …maybe. But I don't think…well, maybe it was that guy. I guess he could've taken it…but he didn't look the type..."

"Who?" Gibbs asked tensely.

"There was this guy at the bar, just drinking by himself, a few stools down from my buddy and I. He looked…pretty tanked. You know, seemed to be on a mission by himself to get wrecked. And I remember because it was early for anyone to be that far into their cups. Anyway…my friend Frank and I were just having a quiet beer, and he had to go to the mensroom. That's when I looked over again, just out of curiosity to see if this guy was still even sitting upright."

He paused, thinking.

Gibbs and ZIva waited.

"The guy at the bar, this him?" Gibbs pulled the picture of Tony from Officer Posa's hand, and showed it to him.

"Yeah, yeah that's him!"

"Tony stole your wallet! I find that hard to-" Ziva began hotly.

"Nono," the man shook his head. "There was anther guy, who was standing behind him. And you know, this guy," he pointed to the photo, "was just so trashed, I don't think he noticed."

"Why should he have noticed," asked Gibbs, feeling queasy.

"Because…this guy was just…staring at him, with this nutty look on his face…and for a second I thought they were there together. But the guy just, stood near your…missing friend, and ah…made like he was going to put a hand on his shoulder. And then he just didn't. And backed away. Then Frank came back from the mens room, and some girl at the bar on the other side came over, asking us direction to go somewhere…I can't remember. Mostly Frank told her. But my back was turned, and then my wallet was gone. I just left it out for a minute. And I think that guy was gone too…"

"Can you describe him?" Ziva asked.

"Oh yes," he said. "He was very well dressed. Tall, Short, wavy hair. Maybe light brown or blonde. I just thought it was a little weird, so I noticed."

"Mr. Dean, would you be willing to come to the Navy Yard with us and work with a sketch artist?" Gibbs asked, trying to sound as if it really were a request.

"Sure, Agent Gibbs. If someone used my ID and credit card to …hurt someone…well that's just very wrong. And I'd love for you to catch the guy. He did steal my wallet."

* * *

Gibbs blew out a puff of air. He sat at his desk, trying to block out any thoughts of Tony being harmed, or suffering.

They now had a composite sketch of the man Brian Dean saw at Mulligan's, the same night Tony was there.

Review of the rental office footage showed a man that could have been Dean coming in and renting the van. He was close in a general sense. Medium height, brown hair and eyes. But not conservatively dressed. More casual. Leather jacket. Jeans.

Abby was running facial recognition in her lab on a screen grab of the mysterious poser. She was also running the sketch.

McGee was running the rental plate to see if the van had gone through any tolls.

Ducky wandered in to the bullpen at 23:15, with coffee for them all.

He took in Gibbs' tight demeanor, and poor coloring.

"Thanks," Gibbs said, taking the cup of coffee Ducky handed him. "You here on another case, Duck?"

"Oh, no, Jethro. Abigail called me earlier…and I just wanted to be here in case I could be of some use in finding our dear Anthony. I'm…very concerned…to say the least." His warm blue eyes looked pained from behind his glasses. "Do we have any new leads?"

"Well," Gibbs said, after sipping the coffee, "We don't know _why_. We do know what the vehicle was. But not who drove it. It was rented and returned the same day. So he can't have been taken too far…and, someone had to be watching us, to know when Tony had gotten home that morning."

"Us?" Ducky said softly.

Gibbs' mouth dropped open ever so slightly, at the mistake he'd made. "Yeah…" he shifted a little, looking at Ducky with just a flash of guilt. "He crashed at my place the night before."

Ducky looked down, for a moment. He wondered if his new suspicions were correct, but could not bring himself to ask Gibbs anything about it. All he said was, "I see. Well, do you think someone was watching your house?"

"Maybe…" Gibbs said.

"Boss!" McGee said excitedly. "We got a hit on a toll booth!"

Gibbs jumped up. "Show me!"

"North Laurel, off the Beltway," McGee said, clicking the controller as Ziva also walked over to look at the screen.

They saw the van, and the Brian Dean poser driving it.

"And," McGee said, clicking again, "coming back through the other side, only twenty-five minutes later."

"Jethro, If I'm not mistaken, there are several Horse Farms in that area."

"Ziva!" Gibbs barked.

She went back to her desk quickly and started typing furiously, searching out all the listed stables and horse farms in the area.

"The sedative," McGee said, as he looked up from the search he was doing already on his computer as well.

"Yep." Gibbs said, feeling closer now to getting to Tony. But it was still a mystery as to who would want to kidnap him. There were more than a handful of people who'd want to kill him. It was harder to make sense of this.

"It would be very likely," Ducky said thoughtfully, "That someone owning a stable or equine based establishment would have a ready and available supply of Ketamine blended tranquilizers."

Within minutes, McGee breathed out, "Oh my God…I don't believe this…"

Gibbs quickly stepped behind him, looking at the monitor.

His eyes widened in surprise, "_Sonofabitch_."

* * *

Tony came around again, some time later. He couldn't tell how long he'd been out. But he was a little more coherent this time.

He knew he was in a bad situation.

He started to struggle, and pull against the ropes, which rubbed and burned the skin of his wrists and ankles.

His heart jumped, as the bedroom door opened again.

This time, the man wearing the black mask was much clearer.

He approached the bed, smiling again, and though the drugs had worn off to an extent, the leering grin was still just as creepy.

"What the Hell do you want?" Tony growled.

"Patience," the man said softly, holding up a sharp looking pair of shears. The metal glinted in dim light of the lamp on the nightstand to Tony's left.

Tony's breathing hitched a little, fearing what this maniac was going to do to him with the scissors.

"Unhh," Tony let out a small sound, as the man put a hand to his neck, and raised the scissor. He trembled, gritting his teeth, wondering if this was the end. And Gibbs would only have the memory of what happened before Tony had left his house_. So sorry, Boss… Lee…_

He stared defiantly at the masked bastard, but to his surprise, the scissor didn't hurt or stab him.

No…instead, it started to cut away his shirt.

His mouth went agape for a few seconds. He hadn't thought of that…that this guy wanted to…

Tony closed his eyes, feeling sick, as the scissor snipped and cut all the way down, and the fabric fell away from his chest and stomach.

When he opened them to look again, he saw the very focused blue eyes, following the movements of the scissor as it cut away the sleeves as well.

Tony was trembling, uncertain how to reason with the man. But he had to try.

"Why the mask?" he asked, as casually as he could make himself sound.

The man only glanced at him and chuckled.

"Well, let's just say that, you and I will have a nice time together…and then…I'll let you go. As long as you don't know who I really am, then there's no real danger to you."

_Sure, no real danger at all,_ Tony thought, as the man started to cut up the leg of the jeans on his right side.

"Y-you know," he still tried for an easy, friendly tone. "Those are pretty expensive…"

"I'm sure you have many to replace them," he replied, cutting in a steady rhythm up to the waistband over Tony's hip.

Tony shuddered.

He knew that voice. Where had he heard it before?

The man started cutting up the other leg of the jeans. Tony didn't dare move, in fear of the sharp shears.

"Why…why are you doing this?" Tony finally asked in a shaky voice.

"Because I had to know…I had to find out for myself…" the man said gently, finally done cutting, and dragged the tattered remains of his clothing off and out from under him with a burning yank.

"**Find out what**?" Tony said in fear and anger. He was completely naked now, fully exposed to this lunatic with his mask and scissors.

"The truth," the man said, touching Tony's thigh, and drifting up towards his genitals with one hand, while the other still held the scissors.

To his disgusted horror, the man leaned forward, climbing a little onto the bed, and started to grasp and pull at Tony's balls and flaccid penis.

He looked away, unable to bear watching it as well as feeling it. But he still didn't dare any sudden movements with the sharp instrument , resting now near his throat where the man had placed it.

It seemed to go on for an eternity. And before the man finally stopped, Tony was silently crying, hot tears of fury and humiliation on his cheeks.

The man frowned and stood back. "Well, I guess that's not going to work."

Tony suddenly laughed and looked at him, "Well, forgive me if this isn't really a turn-on."

The man stared at him and sighed.

"You're right. I suppose we're limited unless I can get some other drugs to inject you with. Hmmm," he tilted his head. "You may be here longer than I planned, but…that's okay." He stepped away, going to the simple dresser on the wall opposite the bed, and put the scissor down. He opened the drawer, reaching in for something.

_No. Not okay!_ Tony thought hysterically.

"I wanted the first experience to be different, but I can see…I'll just move on to other things for tonight. We'll come back to this maybe tomorrow night."

Tony wanted to scream.

And then he did, as he saw the hypodermic needle appear in his captor's hand, as he came closer again.

He struggled, and yelled, but the man just giggled.

"You can yell all you want, but, you're on a pretty good piece of land, and in the evenings here, the only creatures that can hear you aren't the types to care…"

The man grabbed Tony's arm, wedging it painfully up against the metal headboard it was attached to.

"No…" he suddenly pleaded, "please don't…" The man ignored him, plunging the needle in and quickly dispensing the fluid into his arm.

"Now," he said smugly, looking at Tony through his mask, "I didn't give you so much that it will knock you out again. Just enough to…get you a little more willing to be lie back and enjoy it."

"Fuck you," Tony spat weakly, feeling the effects of the injection making him start to float a little again.

The man seemed to shift before his eyes, becoming even more sinister again.

"I needed to know," he stroked Tony's face, and neck…trailing his hand down to tickle his fingers over a nipple. "I _had_ to know…"

He watched Tony's eyes begin to roll a little as he struggled to keep them open.

He began to untie one wrist, and then the other. Tony wanted to take action, to fight back now with his freed limbs…but they would not cooperate. He moaned in frustration.

He felt his ankles freed, and then his body turned over, and dragged a little back in place. Then his ankles and wrists tied once again to the four corners of the bed.

Unable to raise his head, he heard the sound of rustling fabric, and a zipper being opened.

_God, no…why couldn't he have given me more drugs…I wouldn't have to be awake for this…_

He felt the bed dip, and hot hands on his back. He shivered, as they pinched and stroked his skin.

A tongue licked suddenly up his back, and he gasped in revulsion. He tried weakly, one more time, forming the words as best he could in his drugged state. "Don'do this...don't..."

"Have to..." the man crooned, rubbing himself, his erection on Tony's ass. "I had to know what she wrote was true…had to see for myself…"

Just then, the silence was broken by the sound of a door splintering open, and Tony heard the wonderful sound of Gibbs, growling and with deadly menace, say, "**Get the Hell away from him, Pink.** _**Now**_, or I'm gonna shoot you dick off."


	17. Chapter 17

The man jumped away from Tony, and off the bed in a heartbeat, raising his hands up quickly while his penis lost its attention. His blue eyes darted wildly around the room, undoubtedly trying to see a way out.

Gibbs wanted to shoot the sick bastard, more than he'd ever wanted anything in his life, after seeing him on top of Tony, wearing a freaking mask…about to…

He was trembling with fury, finger itching on his trigger for Pink to make a run for it.

"Go ahead…" Gibbs growled.

Ziva ran to Tony, whose head was turned away from them, facing the window. She knelt quickly, speaking to him in soothing tones. Tony was lightly panting, but otherwise still.

Gibbs' eyes never left Pink, as opposed to McGee, who faltered for a moment, seeing Tony tied and naked as he was. He regained his composure quickly, and walked to Pink, and cuffed him, yanking his arms behind his back roughly. and read him his rights. He also ripped off the mask, revealing the same face as in Brian Dean's witness sketch.

As he started to nudge Pink out of the room, Gibbs picked up a pair of dress slacks off the floor that he knew weren't Tony's, and with a look of disgust, handed them to McGee.

"Oh, ah," McGee said, so focused on getting Pink out of the room he almost forgot they should probably get his pants back on before sitting him in one of the cars. "Thanks…Boss…" he said with a grossed out expression on his face.

As soon as they were out of the room, Gibbs holstered his gun, and took off his trenchcoat, laying it over Tony, who was shivering. He didn't see any…damage before covering Tony's naked ass, and was hopeful they'd arrived in time before Pink had violated him.

He set about cutting the ropes and freeing Tony's limbs, angry, and sickened at the raw friction marks on his skin. Tony had been struggling at some point…

He heard Tony, breathe out, "Ziva…" as he struggled to look at her.

"It is okay now, Tony. Pink has been hand-cuffed and the LEOs have him in one of their squad cars." She stroked his face, looking worriedly at Gibbs and then back to Tony.

"Pink?" he said weakly, confused.

"Yes. The…publisher of the book…Wendy wrote," Ziva said, unsure what was in the book at this point, since she had only heard of it when McGee discovered the horse farm belonging to Orlon Pink, and recognized the name.

Tony was trying to think, but the drugs had him very fuzzy at this point. His eyes started to close.

"Tony?" Ziva called, alarmed,

"Ziva," Gibbs put a slightly unsteady hand on her shoulder, needing badly to be close to Tony, "Go see what's taking the ambulance."

Her dark eyes looked up at him, and he saw one stray tear leak from them. She stood up, and he gave her a quick hug. "It's okay. We've got him now. He's gonna' be okay."

He felt her nod into his chest, and quickly break away from him, wiping her face as she left the room.

He knelt next to the bed, carefully, not jostling Tony in case he was hurt further than was visible.

He put a gentle hand to the younger man's pale face. "Hey…Tony?"

A barely audible moan was his response.

"DiNozzo!" he said more loudly, and then smiled just a little, when the green eyes cracked open.

Tony took a moment to focus on his face. "G..ss.." he barely got out, blinking very slowly.

"Yeah. It's me…" Gibbs said warmly, pressing a kiss to Tony's temple. He pulled back and saw the faintest upward curve of Tony's lips.

"Misssdme…ha?" Tony murmured, trying to keep his eyes open.

Gibbs nodded, swallowing, suddenly overwhelmed. "You…put a hundred years on me today, Tony…"

He felt the minute puff of air from Tony's nose. "Ssstll..beehot…olllman…"

Gibbs snorted softly and shook his head, caressing Tony's head as he fell out once more.

* * *

Tony's awareness didn't return fully until the next night.

He woke up, thankfully to a quiet hospital room, with only an IV in his arm and no beeping machines.

Which was different. He got into deep shit so often, it almost didn't seem right he wasn't critical.

He smiled when he saw Gibbs, propped up in a chair snoring, next to his bed.

He frowned, confused. What happened this time to land him in Bethesda?

Images and feelings started to come back to him.

"God…" he whispered, suddenly feeling he wanted to shower in acid to get the man's touch off him. Orlon Pink, the publisher of Wendy's book. What the Hell was it about that damned book? Did everyone who read it go crazy?

He sighed softly, regaining his clarity and thinking about everything that had happened since the night Wendy told him about the book.

_That damned book._

It was a Pandora's Box, letting out secret, dangerous things, that he was never going to be able to push back in again.

He stared at Gibbs' handsome face, and silvery hair.

Something amazing had come out of it…but so much suffering as well. If Gibbs hadn't showed up when he did…Tony closed his eyes and shuddered, remembering the feel of scissors against his throat and hands where they didn't belong.

"Hey," Gibbs called to him sleepily, with a vague sense of alarm. "You okay?" He rubbed his face, and then leaned forward, placing a hand on Tony's arm.

Tony was quiet for a moment, taking in the fact Gibbs hadn't shaved and looked a little worn out.

"What time is it?" he croaked out, throat a bit dry.

Gibbs looked at his watch. "About 18:00 hours. You were out since they brought you in last night."

Tony raised his brows, "Wow..." He tried to smile, but it felt like a grimace.

Gibbs stood up, and looked at Tony. His stare was so intense, the younger man fought the urge to look away.

"Pink shot you up with a Ketamine blend…horse tranq. And…aside the bit of abrasion on your wrists and ankles, they didn't find any damage on you. Of course…they couldn't…ascertain if….couldn't…do a rape kit without your consent…"

Tony cringed. "Not necessary. He …ahhh…didn't get the chance to seal the deal. You got there before it could happen."

Tony looked away from Gibbs' stare.

"What else…did anything else happen?" Gibbs asked, gently, eyes still glued to Tony's face.

Tony blew out a little air, "Oh…just a little of your usual perverted psycho fun. Holding a pair of scissors to my throat...and getting a good grope," Tony smiled weakly, and looked back at Gibbs, his eyes not reflecting the light tone he was trying for.

Gibbs seemed to flinch, hearing the words, and started to pace.

"How did you know it was Pink?" Tony asked, green eyes following Gibbs' movements. "I mean…his voice did sound familiar to me…but…"

"He'd been following you…for a while." Gibbs went back and forth, in front of Tony's bed. "Jesus!" Gibbs angrily dragged his hands through his hair, and then kept talking and pacing. "McGee and Ziva pulled Wendy in. And a guy named Clarence Warner, who worked at the stables for Pink. And that was the guy Pink hired to kidnap you. You're freaking ex…" Gibbs was almost choking on anger. "She _had_ to write that stupid, piece of trash. She told us Pink asked to see photos of you and Lance recently, and she didn't notice anything strange about Pink asking her to keep them. Idiot!"

"Not her fault, Boss," Tony said faintly.

"**Not her fault**?" Gibbs stopped pacing. He stared at Tony incredulously. "Of course this is her fault! It's all her fault!"

Tony wondered if Gibbs was talking about Pink going after him…or his own conflicted desires.

Tony said, "Pink is a psycho. You and I both know he was probably gonna' freak out on someone. It wasn't all just because of a book. I'm not happy she wrote it. But you know what? I'm too tired to give a shit anymore." His green eyes plead for Gibbs to settle down.

But the Senior Agent continued to pace.

"Tony…**how in the hell could we not notice this guy following you**? At least for several days, if not weeks?" Gibbs finally stood stock still, with so much pain in his eyes, that Tony thought he could feel his own heart constrict.

He knew where this was going. He shook his head at Gibbs, and said, "No."

Gibbs looked away for a moment, eyes starting to glaze. His breath was starting to hitch just a little.

Tony sat up, and said, "**No**," again, but a little angrily.

Gibbs walked over to the bed, staring at Tony, into his eyes, and hoarsely forced out, "If you weren't distracted, and if I weren't distracted, this would not have happened. It's simple. There are good reasons for Rule 12."

Tony started to breathe more heavily now too. _Goddammit, I'm too worn out for this._

Tony's eyes started to mist, as he gazed at Gibbs, and looked at his eyes and hair, and mouth, trying to cement a picture of his handsome face in his mind.

Then he said quietly, "I never figured you for a coward, Boss."

Gibbs frowned. "_What?_"

Tony repeated, "I never figured you for a coward. I always thought it would be just me…worried about anyone finding out about my sexuality…that I was a switch hitter. But…at this point, there's no hiding for me anymore. I mean, chrissakes, _Lee_…" he was trembling now as he spoke, "McGee and Ziva got quite an eyeful. And how long before they read that book anyway? But I don't care. I don't. I'm tired. I don't wanna' pretend anymore, or hide things about myself. But you…you wanna hide behind Rule 12? Go ahead."

"Tony," Gibbs began, but his voice was now threaded with anger, "I'm not-"

"**Yes**!" Tony said loudly. "Yes you are! And you know what Boss? I get it. I really do. But don't delude yourself. It's not Rule 12, or the danger of us being Agents, it's that you don't want anyone to think you're a cocksucker." Tony knew the words were harsh, but …they needed to be said.

Explosive anger, and shame, rose up in Gibbs. He couldn't tell at that moment that he had anything other than fury for the younger man. His hands were clenched at his sides.

He glared at Tony, and said in a low, barely controlled growl, "Think whatever the hell you want." And he grabbed his coat off the chair and stormed out.

Tony looked at the closed hospital door for a few minutes, still trembling with anger.

But after a few minutes, he realized that Gibbs had probably walked for good. And it was just over. Everything…after all he'd been through in the past week plus…and ten years of devotion in one form or another, to the man…he couldn't hold it in anymore.

Tony curled onto his side, and grabbed his pillow, and let the pain come.

* * *

"When will Tony be back?" Ziva asked Gibbs as he came back from MTAC.

"Director gave him a week off," Gibbs said, not looking at her.

McGee looked up from his desk. "He gets out of the hospital this afternoon, Boss."

"Yeah," Gibbs said plainly, opening a folder as he sat at his desk.

Ziva and McGee passed puzzled looks. They knew something was wrong.

"You are going to pick him up, yes?" Ziva asked in a careful tone.

Gibbs sighed, and rubbed his eyes. "There's still a lot of paperwork to wrap up on Pink and his cohort. Why don't one of you do it? Or Abby. She's over there now anyway."

Before they could answer, they all heard, "Not to worry, Jethro, I'll pick Anthony up this afternoon." Ducky's calm reassurance emanated from his words, as he strolled into the bullpen. He stared at Jethro, and tiled his head. He walked over to Gibbs' desk, taking a closer look at him.

"What?" Gibbs asked in annoyance.

"What indeed," Ducky said softly, as McGee and Ziva turned back to their work, sensing that they should.

"Our Anthony…has been through something…absolutely horrific. I would have thought that you would have-"

"Don't. Think." Gibbs shot him a look that was both angry, and pleading. He sighed. Looking down at his desk, and then returned his eyes to his long-time friend. "I'm…fully aware…of what that bastard did. But…" Gibbs looked away again. "I can't drop the ball on tying up the loose ends. Thanks for picking him up, Ducky."

Ducky nodded, and waited a while.

Gibbs looked up. "You're still here."

"Yes," Ducky smiled at him. "I am. I had one other question for you, Jethro. Ah, should I bring our lad back to his apartment, or were you thinking to keep an eye on him at your place?"

Gibbs bristled some more, feeling suddenly like he was under a microscope.

"Dammit, Duck! I dunno'. He should be fine. The drugs should be clear out of his system. Just take him home." Gibbs felt a pang of guilt, and concern for Tony, but he was trying very hard to separate himself…

Ducky heard the tension. And he suspected he knew why Gibbs was behaving this way. But he wouldn't push. Not at that moment in the bullpen, at least.

He sighed, "Alright, Jethro. I'll make sure he gets home safe and sound…or maybe even would consider a few days at my house. Just so someone checks on him regularly. Just for a few days…"

Gibbs was now reading his report.

Which from Ducky's vantage point, was not in the right direction. Gibbs was trying desperately to ignore him. And to pretend he was reading. Ducky reached over, and turned the page going the right way for Gibbs to read. He smiled, as Gibbs looked away, with a slight red flush near his collar. "You'll be able to read it better this way," Ducky said, and then left the bullpen.


	18. Chapter 18

It had been three days.

Tony had insisted Ducky drop him at his apartment.

And Gibbs didn't even pick up the phone to call him.

He was in the basement again, now sanding the top for the end table he was making.

So what if he drank a lot more bourbon than usual ?

So what if he had to force himself not to call Tony? He had to get used to being friends…colleagues…again. Nothing more.

He'd been unbearable to the team in Tony's absence. McGee and Ziva were worried, but cautiously not talking to him about Tony.

He heard a faint noise at the top of the stairs, and looked up.

Then turned his eyes back to his sanding.

Ziva came down the steps, almost silently, her small frame barely making the wood creak.

But for someone so petite, her eyes were shining bright, like a lioness in the dark.

"You get the short straw, Ziva?' he asked as he sanded.

"I…short straw?" she was confused.

He let out a puff of air in mild amusement, "Never mind. What do you need?" _Let''s just get this over with_. He knew one of them was going to ask him what was going on. Not that he'd come up with an answer.

"I…we…are concerned, Gibbs. About you. And Tony…" she began, coming to stand across from him and lean on the tabletop.

He didn't look up, and continued what he was doing. "No reason to be concerned, Ziva."

"You have not been acting…normal. For some time now. And it seems to be…getting worse."

He didn't respond.

But then he felt the touch of her hand on his arm.

Finally he looked at her, and she said softly, "Do you think less of Tony because he…he was almost…"

His eyes widened, and he stood straight up, "No! **God, no**. Ziva…no. I don't think that." He was shocked, and even a little angry, but he understood that from the outside, it could seem that way.

"I…" he struggled to say something to her that would make sense, without telling her the truth. He looked around his basement. "Hell."

"We are a family, Gibbs. Is that not true?" she asked.

He nodded mutely, and sighed. Then scratched his face absently, looking at the finger of bourbon sitting in a glass to his right.

"Yes, it's true, Ziva."

"Then…why are you treating Tony this way?"

"What way?" he asked, knowing he sounded like a moron.

She backed up, looking at him, and folded her arms on her chest, taking a deep breath and exhaling. "I see that you do not want to talk about it…whatever it is. But just remember, we are all here."

Gibbs nodded again, and picked up his sanding block, hoping the conversation was over.

As she climbed the steps, he heard her say, "Maybe I will have better luck speaking to Tony."

He gritted his teeth for a moment, and then called, "Leave it alone, Ziva," after her.

Gibbs put his hands to his face, "Great. Now they think I'm a complete bastard."

He could hear Mike Franks in his head again, _"Aw, Probie, what the Hell else in new."_

* * *

Another two days passed.

And after that, they were finally off for two days. Gibbs could get away from the accusing stares. Unhappy looks. And Abby and Ducky both trying to corner him again for a 'discussion'.

He did ask everyone else how Tony was doing, but it seemed the longer he went without calling himself, the harder it was to pick up the phone.

He was in the bathroom, off the living room, taking in his own reflection in the mirror.

"You look like Hell, gunny," he said, taking in the shadows under his eyes, from getting little sleep. He missed Tony…so much more than he thought possible. And the nightmares…of Pink…doing terrible things to him while he screamed…

Gibbs swallowed, and then ran the water to wash his face.

As he dried off, he could hear the distant rumble of thunder outside, and the first raindrops hitting the ground.

He turned on a light in the living room, and sighed to himself, looking at the place on the floor, where only days ago he and Tony had fucked.

No…it was more than just fucking wasn't it.

He sighed more loudly to himself, feeling sad, and frustrated. He needed to get over this. They couldn't risk…_he_ couldn't risk…Tony getting hurt again. Or worse, dead.

But he couldn't deny one very stark fact, that sat above all of his thoughts, and all of his evasive maneuvers.

He _loved_ Tony.

"God…please," he groaned, sitting heavily on his couch. Was it possible there was a drug out there that could erase this feeling, and the memories of hot kisses, and the taste of Tony's skin?

No. It wasn't just fucking.

Thunder rumbled outside. And lightning flashed. He needed to get some air. To breathe in some of the indifference of night, and let the storm soothe him.

He stood, and went to the front door, opening it. As he took slow steps out on the porch, his heart skipped a beat, as he perceived a figure, standing, still and silhouetted in the darkness and rain.

With breath caught in his throat, he stumbled slightly down the steps, out into it.

"Tony?" he called softly, approaching the figure slowly.

Tony's face tilted up, in the faint glow of a nearby streetlamp, and Gibbs could see the big green eyes and long rain drenched eyelashes. Tony's brows were knit together, his expression was…pure anguish.

Gibbs stood right before Tony, who was blinking, and looking at him with so much... longing, still quiet.

Gibbs saw the water, the raindrops, trickling down Tony's face, drifting from his head and down over his cheeks and mouth. That beautiful, perfectly shaped mouth.

He swallowed, unable to stop himself, and raised a hand to Tony's face, "Tony," he murmured.

"You never even called," were the broken words that came from the younger man, almost breathlessly.

"I'm sorry…" Gibbs said softly, wrapping his arms around the wet, trembling body, as Tony tried to pull away.

"No…"he choked, looking at Gibbs in agony, but Gibbs just leaned in, and kissed him softly.

"I'm sorry…" Gibbs murmured, over an over in between the kisses, while Tony quaked in his arms.

Tony let out a little choking sob, finally responding to the kisses, as the deluge picked up, raindrops coming down on them harder.

Tony opened up, letting the hot, demanding tongue into his mouth, feeling it all the way to the tip of his cock. He ached for Gibbs. He needed him. He wasn't sure why he'd come…logic would dictate that after days of no contact, Gibbs wanted nothing to do with him.

The rain was soaking them through, as they started to moan and gasp, clawing at each other's bodies in the storm.

Suddenly Gibbs pulled away, a jolt of self-consciousness had gone through him. "Not out here…let's go inside," and he grabbed Tony's wrist gently, leading him into the house.

Tony was confused and almost high on the endorphins, as Gibbs closed the door behind them, and started to peel off his soaked clothes, and then took Tony's off as well. He laid them all out in front of the fireplace, which he'd lit earlier in preparation for the inclement weather.

He gently pulled Tony over to the couch, and sat, pulling him down on top of him, so that Tony was forced to straddle his legs over Gibbs' lap.

They were both hard.

Gibbs reached to his left, to the bottle of olive oil he had left in the living room the last time Tony was there.

He opened it, pouring a generous amount all over his hands, and rubbing it all over their chests, and cocks, as Tony writhed and moaned, starting to grind a little into Gibbs.

He looked up at Tony's face, moving his hot, slicked hands over Tony's still slightly wet and shivering body.

"You'll warm up now," Gibbs breathed, watching Tony's head fall back, closing his eyes, a little as he pinched and pulled at the small brown nipples.

Gibbs pulled Tony's body to him, nipping at the skin, and chest hair with his teeth.

Tony's erection was pushing into his stomach almost painfully.

"Uhhh…God…"Tony was starting to lose control, slowly thrusting against Gibbs and clawing at his back.

Gibbs licked and nibbled up Tony's collarbone and throat, before the younger man tilted his head back down, looking at Gibbs with fire in his eyes, and kissed him fiercely.

Gibbs tucked an arm around one of Tony's thighs, and then reached under him, finding the tight pucker of flesh, and slid his finger in.

Tony gasped into his mouth, as Gibbs kept one strong and relentlessly crushing arm around Tony's torso, with his hand tangled in Tony's hair, and started to slowly push more digits into his ass with the other hand.

Tony had to break the kiss and breathe, moaning aloud, rutting against Gibbs in a fever.

"What do you need?" Gibbs crooned, in a low, sexy voice. "What do you need, huh?"Gibbs withdrew his fingers as Tony cried out. He grabbed his oily rod, pulling Tony up a little, and lining it up with his ass. "You need this?" Gibbs said hoarse with want, rubbing the head of his cock along Tony's ass crack and balls from underneath.

Tony was shuddering, almost crazed with desire.

He looked at Gibbs with eyes nearly black, "Fuck me, c'mon...Boss, shove that fat dick in me," it came out as a strangely roughened growl.

"If that's what you want," Gibbs said simply, and forcefully pulled Tony down on it as he screamed.

He was gasping, back arched, as Gibbs wrapped both arms around him, holding him up, and Tony groaned, "God! You're killing me!"

"Ride me," Gibbs commanded him, voice dripping with lust and steel, "fuck yourself on my cock."

A deep sigh escaped Tony's lips as he did just that.

He began to move up and down, raising himself up with his hands on Gibbs' shoulders, to the very tip of Gibbs' dick, and then all the way down with force. Each movement caused a desperate moan or half-sob from Tony, as Gibbs watched his eyes start to roll back a little in his head.

"You feel so good…"Tony murmured softly, "Your cock keeps…hitting my trigger…"

Gibbs looked down at Tony's erection, swollen angrily and almost purple, as it rubbed against his stomach and chest, Tony's balls getting crushed between them at every downward movement.

Gibbs suddenly growled like an animal, grabbing Tony's legs to him and suddenly flipping them over.

Tony found himself on his back, body a little lifted up by Gibbs leaning over him, head butted up against the couch as he lifted Tony's lower body up, off the edge of the couch, hands painfully spreading apart his ass cheeks as Gibbs plunged into him.

He shrieked at the depth of it, feeling like he was going to crack in half, or die of pleasure, seeing flashes that may have been the lightning from outside, or Gibbs hitting his prostate from deep inside. He couldn't tell.

He could barely breathe, because his lower body was tilted up at such a severe angle, and had no idea how it was that Gibbs had his legs out, feet firmly on the floor, as he pushed deeper and deeper into Tony's ass.

Gibbs kept his hips against Tony, and stilled, just continuing to press deeper and deeper, gasping for air, his chest rosy under the silver peppered hair. His eyes were closed, in deep concentration, trying to feel every inch of Tony's being through his cock.

Tony started to claw a little at Gibb's back and shoulders above him. "Move…fuck..."he started to lose control of his breath…heading towards hyperventilation…maybe even passing out. His cock ached. Sweat dripped off Gibbs' body onto him, mingling with his own. "Please…Lee.."he sobbed.

Finally with a sigh, Gibbs opened his eyes, staring into Tony's, and began to pull out, and thrust back in with force. The rhythm began hard and slow, as Gibbs looked a him as if he was going to devour every inch, and said, "I'm close…so close, Tony…touch yourself," he breathed. "You're so beautiful."

Tony wrapped his own hand around his cock, with the little room he had, and stroked himself, as Gibbs started to slam into him with complete abandon. His body was still crushed under the man, every thrust pushing him up almost onto his shoulderblades. He couldn't breathe, but he barely cared.

Gibbs was grunting and growling on every push, and Tony was pulling mercilessly on his oily cock, eyes rolling back as he felt the wave hit him. He could only whimper, as his cock became impossibly stiff, his whole body clenching. His mouth formed the word 'fuck' but no sound came out. The orgasm twisted through every part of him, waves of mind-numbing pleasure shimmering out from his cock and balls, and inside where Gibbs was savaging him. Hot streams of white jettisoned out of him, hitting his neck, and chest and face.

He was only semi-aware when Gibbs blurted out, "Motherfucker!..._Tony!_...God, Tony!" And slammed into him one last time, filling his body with pulsing heat.


	19. Chapter 19

Gibbs took a moment, breathing heavily, heart still pounding, after disengaging from Tony and easing his legs down and onto the couch.

Tony was completely out.

Gibbs looked at his handsome face, but now that he was actually not in the grips of a hormonal frenzy, he could see the shadows under Tony's eyes, and stress lines on his face that would not let go, even in the deep sleep state he was in.

Gibbs sighed, suddenly feeling like a creep.

He got up and brought in a washcloth, cleaning Tony up, without so much as a flutter of an eye or change in his steady, even breathing.

"You must've been dead on your feet, Tony," he said gently, stroking his face just a little.

He sighed and then pulled away.

He got cleaned up, and dressed, and brought a blanket out of the guest room to wrap around the younger man, who shifted just a little, but didn't wake when Gibbs put it over him.

Then he sat, on the floor, just looking at Tony's sleeping face.

"What the Hell are we gonna do?" he asked himself softly. Guilt tugged at him. He'd slept with Tony. Again. Knowing it was wrong.

He sighed and turned towards the fireplace, still crackling but starting to die out slowly.

He wondered what Shannon would have said about this. But then, he already knew didn't he? He'd dreamt about her on this very couch not long ago. And she told him to get out of the basement…that he wouldn't get what he needed there. She was very open minded. He used to think too much so. But he knew…she would have told him to just be happy. Fall in love if he could, again.

He'd tried with several women, hadn't he?

But…he didn't love them. Not like Shannon.

And not like Tony.

He brought a trembling hand to his face, lightly over his mouth. His heart felt like it had just woken up, and was living again. Because of Tony.

He stared at the glow of the orange flames, allowing himself, finally, several tears to escape him.

He was trapped. Hooked. There was no way he could go back now. But how in the world was he going to move forward? In a relationship with a man?

He shook his head a little. The job was not going to work. The two of them would distract each other, when they needed to be sharp to stay alive.

Maybe…he could retire. But…who was gonna' watch Tony's six? It pained him to think of leaving that responsibility to anyone…

But maybe he wasn't being fair to Ziva, or McGee. Especially McGee, who'd proven himself a damned good Agent. He'd come a long way, hadn't he?

Maybe…if he really was in love with Tony, he would have to make that sacrifice…

Gibbs tried to envision a life where he did…something else. Maybe just continued to build things with his hands, do some volunteer work. And Tony would come home to him.

A warmth spread inside him at the idea. He shouldn't have been surprised at it, but he was.

A life with Tony.

But, now the question was, even with all that, could he bear for people to think he was gay or bi? Or rather, that they would _know_ it?

Did _he_ really know it?

Could he see explaining to the Director, and the team he was retiring, and living with Tony?

"We can't work together. Someone will get killed," he said to himself softly, not knowing that Tony had opened his eyes a moment before, and heard Gibbs say just those words…

* * *

Gibbs left Tony sleeping where he was, on the couch, and went about putting clean sheets on the upstairs bed.

He thought about how good it would feel, to sleep next to Tony again, and inhale that crazy cookie smell that came off him.

But when he went downstairs to wake him, and bring him up to bed, Tony and his clothes, were gone.

He looked around the house and in the basement, but there was no sign of the younger man.

He tried to call Tony's cell, but it went straight to voicemail.

Gibbs took a deep breath, feeling his heart break a little, and said, "Well, damn."

Gibbs tried to call Tony once or twice more. But there was no word back from him. And Gibbs thought maybe, Tony hadn't meant for things to get out of control again, and was still upset with Gibbs for not calling him after he was home from Bethesda.

He drove by Tony's apartment, the next night, just out of a sense of protectiveness, and saw the light on. But he didn't dare go and knock.

No. Tony would have to at least call him back.

Besides. It was back to work in the morning, and Tony would have to deal with Gibbs then.

* * *

When McGee walked in to the bullpen the next morning, a little late, Ziva immediately tried to flag him down.

He dropped his bag by her desk, as she motioned him over frantically.

"What'sa matter Ziva?" he asked, with concern in his big eyes.

"Gibbs…" she said, flustered, "He came in, and…read an email, and then he actually said swear words. And then turned a very disturbing shade of red, and stormed ustairs to the Director's office."

McGee swallowed. "Gibbs? Said…swear words?"

She nodded urgently, "Yes! Yes…I am…very worried."

Tim took a deep breath. "Did you try to call Tony?"

"Yes. And he is not answering." Her dark eyes darted around, and then widened, as they both heard Gibbs, exiting the Director's office, yelling.

"**He doesn't get to do this! Leon**, who leaves a job like this with no notice?" Gibbs was fuming, walking out and down the stairs as Vance followed him.

"It was his decision, Gibbs. I tried to talk him out of it, I did. But, we don't run a dictatorship here. It's a free country, Jethro." Vance was trying his best to use logic to calm Gibbs.

Gibbs got to the bullpen as McGee scrambled to his seat, and ZIva pretended to be busy.

"He's the best damned Agent that's ever walked through those doors, Leon. And we have ten years. **Ten years!** How in the world could he do this to the team?" _And to me?_

Vance blinked, calmly. "Listen Agent Gibbs, I am not in the practice of making anyone do anything. If you'd like to speak to Agent DiNozzo, and try to persuade him to stay or at least give us a few weeks, well…I welcome you to try." And with that, he turned, walking up the stairs. "He's a stubborn as you are, Gibbs," he called over his shoulder. "Good luck."

Gibbs stared after him angrily, for only a moment. And then quickly went to his desk to gather his things. "The Hell he's leaving," he muttered as he stormed out with not so much as a glance at McGee and Ziva.

"Oh, shit," McGee said, staring at Ziva in shock. "Tony _quit._"

* * *

Gibbs drove at breakneck speed to Tony's apartment, trying to piece together what it was he was going to say…how he was going to convince him to remain on the team. And how Gibbs himself was willing to walk, so they could keep everyone safe. And…maybe try at a relationship.

He was ruminating, trying to imagine what Tony would have to say for himself, pulling something like this.

He got out of his car, slamming the door, and took off up to Tony's apartment.

The door was ajar.

Suddenly, just out of habit seeing a door like that, he pulled his gun. He tapped lightly at the door. "Tony? DiNozzo?"

As it creaked open, his mouth dropped in shock.

It was stripped clean. Empty. There was not a single indication anyone had lived in it, except for the indentations in the rug where Tony's furniture had been.

Giibs closed his eyes. "Oh, Tony…" his insides felt shredded, realizing how hard things must have been for Tony, to make him cut and run. From his team. His family.

But he really didn't run from them, did he? No. He ran from Gibbs.

Gibbs holstered his gun, with a heavy sigh, taking a cursory look around.

In the kitchen, there was a small envelope, with the name "Lee" written on it.

His felt a bit of moisture come to his eyes, as he reached for it, and opened it.

It read:

_Lee/Boss/Gibbs-_

_I'm sorry. I know. Sign of weakness. I couldn't figure out another way to do this. I know that you didn't mean for any of this to happen. And neither did I. But the facts are the facts. I'm in love with you. It's been ten years, of friendship, and covering each other's sixes. You've taught me so much, Boss. Which on top of the mindblowing sex, makes it hard to go._

_ And it's ironic, really, that Jeanne once left me a letter like this, asking me to choose. Letting me know that I had to make a decision. In that case, I chose my family._

_I don't regret it. Not one minute. And I don't regret what happened between us. I just can't imagine us going back to the way things were. And I don't want to._

_I also know, we can't be on the team together. Rule 12. In all honesty, I think you're right._

_I can't be your dirty secret. I can't live my life worried whether or not the front door is open._

_And I can't be your SFA. Not anymore._

_I'm not sure who I'll be without the job. But, I guess I'm going to find out._

_The one thing I will be, is myself._

_I'll be back in a few weeks to testify against Pink, for what he did to me. And you bet your ass I'm not missing that._

_So this isn't goodbye, really. Please tell everyone I'm sorry, even though I will email them myself soon. I know it's shitty of me. But I didn't know how else to get away fom you. Away from this._

_T_


	20. Chapter 20

Tony sat in a coffeehouse in Norristown, Pennsylvania, in a corner with his laptop. It was a stop on his way to New Hope, on the Delaware river, where he hoped to spend a few days unwinding before continuing on to New York.

He felt like a heel, leaving town like he did, without telling the team, or even Gibbs that he had resigned the Friday night before.

After the exchange between he and Gibbs in the hospital, he was forced to really take stock of the situation.

It wasn't a last minute or flip decision. He'd spoken to Ducky…admitted that something had happened between he and Gibbs. Because he knew Ducky could keep a secret better than anyone on the team. And he trusted his opinion.

(Flashback)

Ducky stood in the hospital room, watching Tony gather his things, in preparation to be discharged.

He couldn't help but notice the heavy air of depression about his young friend.

"I really appreciate you giving me a ride, Ducky," Tony said, with a little smile. "I guess you had no new guests in autopsy today?" He was sitting on the bed, filling out one last form for the nurses on the rolling tray.

Ducky took off his hat, his blue-eyes gaze taking in the little tremor in Tony's fingers as he gripped the form and wrote on it.

He quietly sat next to Tony, who was concentrating on getting the form done.

"It's no bother, and, there were no new guests at the inn today, so to speak." He waited a little while, and then said, "My dear boy, I wondered if you might consider coming to stay at my place for a few days, instead of heading to your apartment."

Tony stopped writing, and looked at him. "No. No- I'm fine Ducky. But that's really nice of you."

"Mmm-hmm, well, I just, can't see how you would be fine, after suffering such a heinous experience with that lunatic Orlon Pink. It had to have been…awful. And I'm sure at this time it would be comforting to have someone look after you a bit. I thought perhaps Jethro-"

Tony looked away instantly, frowning a little.

"I haven't said anything wrong, have I? Oh…I am sorry. Maybe I should'nt have brought up that dreadful man," Ducky said with concern.

"No…"Tony said softly. He sighed, trying to pick up the pen and just finish the paperwork. "It's okay Ducky." He blinked a few times, and then put the pen down. He seemed to be having an inner debate for the stretch of 10 seconds. Turning to him, Tony said, "I need to leave NCIS."

Ducky's eyes widened in surprise behind his spectacles. "Why?" he asked, not hiding his dismay. "Why ever would you do such a thing?"

Tony took a deep breath, letting the air slowly out from his nose. He turned and picked up the pen again, determined to finish. "It's complicated."

"Is this about the book?" Ducky asked carefully.

He saw the muscles in Tony's jaw tighten for a moment.

_Well, they all know about it now. Because of Pink._ Tony couldn't wait to testify and send the sick bastard to jail.

"Yes. No…I dunno'." He finished the form, signing his name at the bottom.  
Let's just go," he said, looking hopefully at the ME.

But Ducky didn't budge.

"Young man, it is obvious to me that something has been going on with you, and Jethro recently. And I would very much like for you to trust me, right now, because the decision you're talking about is…monumental. You can't just expect me to get up and pretend you didn't just say you are leaving us," Ducky put a hand on Tony's arm. "I won't repeat a thing you say. Not to anyone."

Tony stared at him with wariness. He bit his lip for just a moment, looking down. And then swallowed, looking back at Ducky.

"I slept with Gibbs."

The older man's mouth went slightly agape for the second time since entering Tony's room. He was very surprised, but quickly recovered. "I have to admit…I thought perhaps, something had happened between you two. But I really wasn't sure what." Ducky's brows knit just slightly, in thought. "I guess…I need to understand a little more, about why that would make you leave. Is…Jethro pressuring you to-"

"Oh no, no Ducky, he didn't ask me to resign." Tony tried to pull his thoughts together to explain what a mess it all was. Simple was probably the best way. "We crossed a line, Duck. And…"his green eyes flicked around the room, before resing on him again. "There's no going back. We can't be effective working together any longer."

Ducky raised his brows, "Indeed….well, I rather thought the two of you were professionals, and surely one incident-"

"No. More…more than once," Tony felt himself turning colors finally, finding it a little embarrassing to reveal the truth to Ducky, who was like a grandfather to him.

"I see," Ducky said. He put a comforting hand on Tony's back. "Does he feel the same way?"

"About the job? I mean-"

"No, Tony. You know what I mean," Ducky said, so gently, that it made Tony's eyes suddenly glitter with moisture.

"He…he has too much trouble with this, Duck. I mean…I have trouble with it, but…I would…" he trembled a bit getting the words out. "I would try…but…Rule twelve. And the danger of the job. And he's Gibbs. You don't get manlier than that." He snorted a little, looking away from Ducky to the wall, shoulders a little slumped in defeat.

Ducky nodded, understanding very much, what Tony was saying.

"But Tony, do you really want to leave the team? We are your family, lad. This sounds a bit like the baby going with the bathwater. I'm sure you could talk to Director Vance-"

"And tell him what, Ducky? That I fell in love with Gibbs?" Tony laughed a little harshly, "I mean…I don't think he'd even believe it. And so…what, then I make something up? Gibbs will be pissed off at me. And then I'll be on another team, trying to avoid bumping into Gibbs everyday because I just wanna'…" he stopped, panting lightly. He looked at Ducky, with determination. "I'm not doing it. I've lived with the worry that someone would find out about my past for too long…covered it up. Almost even forgot about it. And then there was Gibbs. Who demanded so much of me…for this job. And he became…" he paused to inhale shakily. "Gibbs taught me so much. We've been so tight, for so long. And to have this…come between us…well, let's just say I want to give myself a chance to live without the past waiting to bite me in the ass. And I also…can't…get over this while I'm working at NCIS, even in the same building with Gibbs. Don't you see, Duck? What happened between us…I could finally be…real…with him. He found out about that book…and…" Tony was struggling to speak.

"Alright," Ducky said, trying to calm him. "I understand, Anthony. I do. I will just be…very sad for you to leave us. I wish there was another way."

"So do I, Ducky," he said sadly.

(End Flashback)

Tony had made all the arrangements after he got home from the hospital. And spoken to the Director, strategically making his appointment with him, on Friday evening after Gibbs and the team had left. Vance agreed to keep Tony's resignation quiet and just let Gibbs know on Monday. He knew Gibbs would likely blow a gasket, but he couldn't allow Gibbs or the team the opportunity to guilt him into staying.

But…he had to see Gibbs one more time…

To tell him off. Or just to tell him…but ended up on the couch. And when he heard Gibbs say they couldn't work together or someone would get killed…he knew Gibbs was right.

Yes, he still thought Gibbs was hiding behind rule 12…but he couldn't take anymore of loving him and getting pushed away repeatedly. It had to stop.

Tony sighed, thinking about how much he'd loved working for Gibbs and NCIS. And now…with his stuff in storage, and some clothes packed in his car, he was going to take some time to think. And figure out where he wanted to try and build a better life for himself.

He looked down at his laptop, and began to type.

* * *

Dear Abs,

I'm so sorry…I know I'm such a turd for doing this over email with you. You guys all deserve much better from me. But- I had to leave. And it had to be quick. I know you won't understand. And you're gonna be so pissed at me. But please remember, I love you so much. You're like a sister to me, and if you need me, my new cell is 555-984-4421. I'll be back in a few weeks, for the Pink trial. Maybe we could go to dinner. And talk.

Make sure Tim brings you extra Caf-Pow. And don't take any crap from Ziva.

Love, Tony

* * *

_Dear Tony,_

_WHAT THE HELL? I just heard via McGee that you FREAKIN QUIT? You better get back here mister! I do not accept your resignation. And I'm sure neither does Gibbs! I don't know what is going on with you, but you should have just come to us, or just to me, to talk. Is it about the book? Tony, I swear, no one cares about that!_

_You're right. I don't understand. Don't we deserve any say? It's not fair. IT IS NOT FAIR TONY. You come back or I won't forgive you. Ever. I swear it._

_No love for you._

_Abby_

* * *

Probie,

Guess I probably shocked the Hell outta' you guys. By now you know I resigned. I'm sorry for not talking to you about it. But I had to do it quickly. Just please don't ask why. SO much has happened, between that damned book…and Pink. But, anyway, I just want to let you know that I'm really proud of the Agent you have become, and the good man you already were when you started with NCIS. I'm gonna miss you. And listen, I'm not there to watch Gibbs' six anymore. As you know, that's a full time job times like, fifty. Stay sharp and be careful. I should be back in a few weeks for Pink's trial. Maybe we could go for a beer, if you're not too pissed off at me for leaving like this.

My new cell is 555-984-4421.

Make sure you bring Abby extra Caf-Pow. And don't take any crap from Ziva.

T.

* * *

_Tony-_

_I can't believe you did that! Are you okay? I mean, that was…so sudden. It's already too quiet here. Gibbs looked like he was gonna stroke out today. And left after he yelled at Vance for accepting your resignation. Why did you go? Where are you going? Gibbs isn't back yet, but Dorneget is sitting with me to go over computer security protocols, which is as about as much fun as being on stakeout with you._

_I guess, to be honest, I'm going to miss you. Even though you're a jackass._

_You taught me a lot Tony. And I'll never forget it._

_As for the beer, make it several and count me in._

_I'll call you during the week to talk._

_Fondly-_

_Tim_

* * *

Hey Ziva,

I bet, you're sharpening a knife, or…cleaning a gun…thinking about killing me for taking off like I have, but…I had to. Things got so complicated for me with that book (which I am cringing because I know you're gonna read it, but I think it will explain a lot). And then Pink…that sick bastard. I'll be back for his trial in a few weeks. Maybe wanna go shoot at the range with me? I know you won't stay angry with me, because I know you understand what it's like to not fit anymore in your own life. I had to do this. I miss you already, my little ninja chick.

If you wanna' belittle me over the phone sometime, my new cell is 555-984-4421.

In case you don't know what 'cringing' means, ask Tim.

Love, Tony

* * *

_Dear Tony,_

_I would never pick such easy ways to kill you. I am very unhappy that you left without saying goodbye. Or explaining why. It was very unsettling. But, I do know you were going through a difficult time. We all saw it. Even if we did not know exactly what it was. But no matter what happens, we are a family, and that will not change just because you do not work here with us. I will go shooting with you when you come, if you are able to stand after I kick your ass for going like this. And for telling Tim and Abby not to take any crap from me._

_And I do know what cringing is. You will be doing it when I see you._

_It will not be the same here without you._

_I am certain we will talk soon._

___Love,_

_Ziva_


	21. Chapter 21

Gibbs did not return to the Navy Yard after going to Tony's.

He was hurt, and angry, and generally disappointed in himself, for letting things get so out of control. He couldn't bear to go back to the bullpen and look at Tony's empty desk.

No DiNozzo at work.

No Tony at home...or in his bed...

It made him ache horribly inside that Tony was so determined to cut ties with him, that he didn't give notice or even say goodbye.

Gibbs couldn't understand how they could go from kissing out in the rain to Tony up and leaving without a word.

Somehow, he'd missed something.

_"Understatement of the year Probie,"_ he heard Mike Franks say in dry amusement.

Gibbs was lying flat out on his worktable in the basement, in his sweats, unable to find solace in woodworks now.

Even the several sizeable shots of bourbon were not helping numb the pain.

_"So. What? You just gonna lie there, feelin' sorry for yourself?"_ he heard the mild disgust in Mike's tone.

"What the hell else am I gonna' do? Go after him and drag his ass back here? He's a grown man, for chrissakes." Gibbs was irritated now at the ghostly echoes of Mike still working in his head.

_"Well, yeah, Jethro. He's at least worth a try. Or was all that just gettin' yer rocks off? Or maybe...yer just too much of a coward to go after him. Cos' then, Probie, you'd have to lay it all on the line. Put your, ah, money where your mouth is."_

"Jesus, first _he _calls me a coward and now you, too?" Gibbs hissed out.

_"If you weren't such a chicken shit, he wouldn'ta gone anywhere,"_ came the sad and gentle reply.

Gibbs took a deep breath, bloodshot blue eyes on the ceiling of the basement, and brought his hands to his face as he exhaled the word, "Damn."

* * *

The next morning, Gibbs came in with a look of determination on his face.

He needed to find Tony, and tell him how he felt. And get him back to DC.

"McGee," Gibbs said, as he took off his coat and put it on his chair.

"Yes, Boss?" McGee replied, relieved that Gibbs at least seemed calmer today.

Ziva watched them both from her desk.

"I want you to look and see if DiNozzo got a new cell phone," Gibbs commanded, as he sat in his chair and placed his gun and badge in his desk.

McGee looked nervously at Ziva, who was wide-eyed at the realization that Tony might not have given Gibbs his new number.

"Uh...Boss, why don't you turn your computer on and see if you got an email from Tony..." McGee almost winced at the glare.

"Why do you think I'd have an email from Tony?"Gibbs asked quietly.

Ziva was wild-eyed, trying to flag McGee down in warning, trying to get him to shut up without alerting Gibbs. But Gibbs just stared at McGee, and said, "You have something to add, Special Agent Da-veed?" without looking her way.

She almost jumped, "Ah, no, Gibbs. I do not."

Gibbs grimaced, just a bit, as he turned on his computer. He saw peripherally, McGee and Ziva gesturing to each other back and forth in something of a panic.

He squinted to read his new emails, perusing them carefully, but there was nothing from Tony. He hadn't really expected anything after the note, though.

But then the realization hit him, that McGee and Ziva had gotten emails from Tony, and...likely his new cell. And McGee had just assumed Tony would have done the same with Gibbs.

It was another knife through the heart.

Gibbs got up from his desk, abruptly, and left the bullpen without a word.

Ziva jumped up first, after Gibbs turned the corner, and ran to his desk to look at his screen.

McGee feared the man's wrath too much to actually risk getting caught reading his emails...but he was curious.

"Anything?" McGee said urgently, wanting her to hurry.

She stood up, dark eyes still staring at Gibbs' screen, perplexed. "No, nothing..."

* * *

Gibbs rounded the corner into Abby's lab. He didn't know why he'd headed there...other than that he needed to be somewhere other than his desk and the unsettling pantomime between McGee and Ziva.

But as he approached the lab, his senses went on alert.

It was silent.

Something was terribly wrong.

Abby was leaning over her desk, hiccuping and sniffling. She was crying. And as Gibbs approached her, she looked up and he raised a brow in surprise.

Her eyes were so puffy from crying, that she looked almost like someone punched her.

"Gibbs," she choked, as he simply put his arms around her. She shook and forced out half garbled words that eventually he was able to decipher.

"It's all my f-fault...I...sh-shouldn't ..have...got copies of the...b-book..." She pulled back, looking at Gibbs mournfully. "He d-didn't even s-say goodbye. Just a...stupid email. I...don't even w-want his stupid c-cell number..." she got angry for a moment. And then got hysterical all over again, grabbing Gibbs. "I hate Tony for l-leaving...but...it's all my fault...I m-made him unhappy..."

Gibbs took a deep breath, and gently took her shoulders, pulling her from him to look in her eyes.

"Abby, this is not your fault."

"Y-yes it is...why...why else w-would he n- not tell me why he left?"

Her brows were knit, with her pale green irises surrounded by angry pink and red. Gibbs felt terrible for how sad she was. And guilty. He'd done this to them all. Driven Tony away.

His tone was somber and gentle, "Abby, Tony has a mind of his own. Believe me. This. Is, not. Your. Fault." .

She suddenly stomped a whole boot on the floor in frustration. She barked out, "Well whose fault is it then?"

Gibbs felt his hands tremble on her shoulders, as he painfully breathed out, "Mine."

She frowned in confusion, calming just a little. "But, Gibbs...why-"

"Ah, there you are, Jethro," Ducky's voice sang out into the lab. And as the ME walked closer to them, he took in their pale appearances, and Abby's sorrowful condition. "Oh, my dear girl," Ducky said as she turned and hugged him.

"I want Tony back," she said brokenly as Ducky held her and stroked her back.

_So do I,_ Gibbs sadly thought.

"There, there," Ducky soothed, producing a handkerchief from his pocket. He pulled back and handed it to her. "I'm sure we have not heard the last from Tony."

She just nodded and tried to wipe her eyes and pull herself together.

"Why don't you go talk to Timothy for a little while. We're all feeling the loss of Anthony's presence."

"No," she said angrily, and then looked at Gibbs. "You have to get him to come back Gibbs...I'm not sure...what you did...but I know what I did. I thought Tony forgave me...promise me...**promise me** you'll get him back."

Gibbs couldn't respond, and just looked away from her.

"Abigail...please. Let me talk to Gibbs for a little while, alright?" Ducky said in his most gentle tone.

Finally, she nodded, glaring a little at Gibbs before she strode out of the lab.

Gibbs sighed. "What do you wanna talk to me about, Duck?"

The older man, smiled a little knowingly at Gibbs, and said, "Your taste in iced cream."

* * *

Tony sat inside the little cafe' on the river in New Hope. He sipped his coffee, staring out the window at the water drifting by.

He wondered what it would be like to just jump in the cold water, and drift away with it. Leaving everything behind,

Hadn't he done that already?

He frowned at his own thoughts.

This was supposed to be relaxing...and regrouping. To figure out where he was going...

But without the team...the job...Gibbs...he was feeling completely lost.

Leaving was the right thing to do. He tried to envision a future without Ducky's sage wisdom, or McGee's sibling rivalry, or Ziva's spirited needling. Abby's hugs...

And Gibbs.

Suddenly his hands trembled, as he tried to get a grip on himself. He felt like...dying. Such a large part of him was still with Gibbs.

Would he ever feel like a whole person without Gibbs? Or the rest of their dysfunctional family?

He held his coffee cup with both hands, determined not to get emotional in public.

"What the Hell's wrong with you," he grumbled to himself, blinking back tears.

This was even harder than he though it was going to be.

* * *

When Gibbs returned to his desk, they noticed something different about him. His eyes looked bright and focused.

"Okay, McGee...you have Tony's number. Track his cell. Now." Gibbs spoke it as a command, and stared at McGee.

"But...Boss, Tony gave-" he began, feeling very uncomfortable, in betraying Tony's confidence in a way.

"Now!" Gibbs barked.

Abby, who was sitting at the edge of McGee's desk, punched him in the arm, and said, "Yeah, Tim, now!" She finally smiled a little, happy Gibbs was going to find Tony.

"Abby..." he whined slightly, "that hurt. No more Caf-Pow for you this morning."

"McGee!" Gibbs growled.

"Onnit Boss!" Tim jumped a little, and then began to tap his keyboard and stared at his screen.

After a moment, he realized they were all crowded around him, looking over his shoulder.

"New Hope, Pennsylvania," Ziva read out loud.

McGee frowned. "Isn't...New Hope...a little...gay?"

They were all quiet for a moment.

"Maybe Tony is making bigger changes than we thought," Ziva said, seriously.

"Well, it's a mixed town,"Abby said. "It's really cute. I've been there. Adorable shops an restaurants along the water. And...yeah, there are gay and lesbian folks there, as well as straight but, they all just get along. It's kind of an artsy place."

"What would Tony be doing there?" McGee asked, a little wide eyed. "You don't think..."

"What McGee?" Gibbs asked, suddenly angry. "What if Tony were into men? Would it really be so hard to take?"

Gibbs stood in front of McGee's desk, head tilted, and scowling.

"N-no, Boss. I just...I mean this is 24/7 babe magnet DiNozzo...I would just.. be surprised. But I wouldn't feel any different about him as a friend or colleague..."

McGee felt the blaze of Gibbs stare suddenly shift from anger, to bemused contemplation.

"I'm _really_ glad to hear you say that, McGee." Gibbs knew that McGee hadn't gotten to read the more surprising parts of Wendy's book before he confiscated it. He turned and got his things out of his desk, and pulled his coat off his chair as all three stared at him open mouthed. "Text me the address," he called over his shoulder, on his way to the elevator.

Ziva, and McGee gave each others looks of astonishment, while Abby started to smile.

"Did that just...w-was that just..." McGee stammered.

"Oh. My. God," Abby said, grinning fully now, and finally piecing together why Gibbs said Tony leaving was his fault.


	22. Chapter 22

_He fought against the man trying to tie him to the bed. Hands with icy fingers clawed and groped at him painfully. His ankles were already immobilized, anchored by rough rope to the bed posts._

_Blue eyes behind a mask burned into him with insanity, and lust, as he grunted at him, "Let go!"_

"_Not until you show me…" came the hissed reply._

_Tony struggled and bucked, naked, against the other man furiously._

_Somehow, he got a grip on one end of the length of rope the other man was trying to wrap around his wrist._

"_Don't tie me! I'll do it!" He cried out, panting, as the man froze in place, and stared at him._

"_I'll give you everything," he said softly, begging, "just…don't tie me…please."_

_The man seemed to be thinking, and it was enough of a pause for Tony to yank on the rope, and pull it quickly up and around the man's neck. He gripped it with both hands, pulling in opposite directions as hard as he could._

_The man kicked into action, realizing the tables had been turned._

_He choked and gasped, and started to hit Tony hard, as he turned his head into the pillow to protect his face._

_In desperation, the man put his hands up to the rope, but Tony only pulled harder, muscles in his arms burning._

_Finally, the man's struggles weakened, and then came to a stop._

_Tony let go, pushing himself away from the still form, breathing heavily._

"_You crazy bastard…Pink…" he said in between huge swallows of breath._

_He reached over and pulled the mask off the blue-tinted face._

_But it wasn't Pink he was looking at. It was Tony, looking at his own dead, lifeless face resting against the cool white sheets…_

He sat up, covered in sweat, and disoriented.

Something had woken him up from the horrible dream…

It was knocking at his hotel room door.

He looked at the clock. It was almost 21:00 hours. He had gone to the hotel bar earlier, and had a bit too much to drink, before coming back to the room and flopping onto the bed in his clothes.

He no longer had his service Sig. But none the less, was prepared just in case. He didn't know anyone from the town, and it was after hours for housekeeping. He slowly pulled his gun out of his jacket hanging over the chair by the oak desk.

He got up and out of habit, stood along the wall of the room.

"Who is it?" he called.

"Tony," he heard the familiar voice call, "open up."

His heart jumped. It was Gibbs.

"Shit," he breathed to himself. What the Hell was _he_ doing here? What was he supposed to do?

"_**Tony**_!" came the impatient growl.

He took a deep breath, and realized quickly he wouldn't likely fit through the bathroom window, so he swung the door open.

The two men took each other in for a moment, and stared into each other's eyes.

Tony frowned in confusion.

Gibbs took in his sweaty skin and unhealthy color, disheveled hair and wrinkled shirt.

"You okay?" he asked softly, all the words he'd rehearsed on his drive slipping away from him.

Tony's mouth opened, as if to say something, but he stopped himself, and seemed to shake off the disoriented state he was in. His eyes turned hard, the green glittering at Gibbs with repressed anger. "What are you doing here?"

Gibbs looked down for a moment. And then back to Tony. He wanted to grab the younger man, crush him to his own body, and kiss him senseless. But he had to remember why he was standing there, in the hallway of a hotel, at Tony's door.

"Can I come in?" Gibbs asked quietly.

Tony sighed, and tilted his head. "Look…Gibbs…I'm not coming back. I did what I had to do. And I'd think that would have been a relief for you. I…don't have anything else to say…"Tony dropped his eyes down, wanting to escape the pale blue stare. "I think you should go."

Gibbs stood for a moment, blinking.

He narrowed his eyes at Tony, and growled, "You've got a lot of nerve, leaving like that. Not a word to anyone on the team. Or me. Just…gone. All of a sudden."

Tony stared at him, and then clenched his jaw. He turned and walked into the room, knowing that Gibbs was not going to leave until he said whatever it was he needed to say. Tony put his gun down on the hotel desk.

Gibbs followed him in.

"What do you want from me?" he spun around, and asked in a suddenly in a desperate half-whisper.

Gibbs was taking in the change in demeanor, as he approached Tony slowly.

Tony felt like his heart was being torn in half in his chest all over again. He wanted to feel the other man's arms around him, kiss him…make everything okay again. Go _home._ He blinked at the tears forming in his eyes. Why did Gibbs have to make this so hard? His plan of escape now seemed almost fruitless. But…what would Gibbs do now? Ask him to come home just to screw with his head again? Hide again?

Gibbs got closer to him, and closer. He could feel himself starting to tremble.

Tony licked his lips and seemed to find something very interesting down by his feet.

"Tony…"Gibbs said, almost angrily, but it was hoarse and mixed with something else Tony couldn't put his finger on. "If you'll…let me…try to get it right…"

Gibbs brushed his knuckles lightly along Tony' jawline.

"If you can forgive me for being a little…crazy…this has all been hard for me to…figure out." Gibbs waited for the younger man to finally look up at him.

He continued. "I don't want you to…have to choose between being…yourself, or being someone you're not. Or between being with me, or the job. I think we can make it work. If you'll let me…I think…" he struggled to find the right words. "I'm ready to leave the door open."

Tony let out a little choked gasp, as the tears finally overcame him and dropped from his eyes. He could see the intensity, the sincerity in Gibbs' unwavering gaze.

Could he go back? Could he trust Gibbs to work things out with him?

Was it possible he could still have everything he wanted?

Then Gibbs leaned in, and said, "I love you. I love you, Tony."

He threw his arms around Gibbs, and buried his head in his neck, quietly weeping with relief.

Gibbs smiled, his with his own eyes misty, and rubbed Tony's back.

"It's okay now. I've gotch'ya. It's okay," he soothed into Tony's ear.

They stood like that, in the hotel in New Hope, for quite some time, with the door open.

* * *

Tony woke up in the morning to the sensation of someone tugging and pulling on his cock, smearing something cool and slick and creamy all over it.

He'd fallen into a deep sleep, with Gibbs wrapped around him, after they'd talked a bit more the night before.

"Ah," he gasped, still barely opening his eyes, as the hand squeezed and pumped him with delicious pressure and friction.

They were still under the covers.

He finally looked at Gibbs, and saw the older man was smiling at him warmly and leaning over him. His arm was moving under the sheets, where he was steadily stroking Tony.

"What're you doing?" he purred, and then spasmed with a grunt, as Gibbs gave his cockhead a little twist.

"Showing you something," Gibbs said gently.

Puzzled but too hard and horny now to wonder about it, he watched Gibbs shift under the sheet, as his hand left Tony's dick.

He pushed the sheet off, exposing their bodies to the air, and straddled Tony.

"What-" Tony began curiously.

"No talking," Gibbs said, and Tony realized with some degree of shock, what Gibbs was doing.

The older man, with his hardened, sinewy body was lining his ass up over Tony's erection.

"But," Tony said, his mouth suddenly dry, "Your knees...uh...this could hurt you. I think we should-"

He suddenly lost the ability to speak, as Gibbs grabbed Tony's cock, and pushed it up against his hole.

"You were asleep for a while…"Gibbs said in a low tone, ignoring the weak protest. "I got myself ready…as I could. And they have nice, thick, lotion here in the bathroom…"

"Ohhhhhh…." Tony moaned, and then shouted, "Fuck!" as Gibbs lowered himself onto him, forcing his throbbing cock to pop inside the tight, slick ring of muscle.

And he watched Gibbs face, as the older man closed his eyes, in concentration, or pain.

Regardless, they both trembled in excitement.

He lightly touched Gibbs' chest and stomach, and tugged at his big leaking rod, which seemed to point in demand at Tony.

Gibbs lowered himself some more, beads of perspiration emerging from the skin on his face and chest.

The heat started to surround Tony, and he struggled not to push up into Gibbs' body.

Gibbs tried to go a little more quickly, and gritted his teeth a bit.

"Easy…" Tony breathed out. "Slow…"

Gibbs nodded ever so slightly, and opened his eyes, watching Tony's face, before he suddenly let himself plunge down fully and impale himself on Tony.

"**OHFUCK!**" Tony cried out, arching and grabbing at the sheets, while Gibbs panted.

Gibbs' ass was painfully throbbing, and burned like he'd just ran it along sandpaper. But watching Tony, lost in the pleasure of it, was too tempting.

Gibbs leaned forward a bit, hands on either side of Tony, and felt the pain shoot through him from the shift.

He leaned down, and bit at Tony's skin, over his ribcage to his nipple.

Tony writhed and took several sharp breaths, still struggling not to move his hips and let Gibbs adjust.

"For you, Tony," he heard Gibbs murmur to him, as he finally started to move.

Tony was almost ripping the sheets off the bed, white knuckled hands twisting and pulling at the fabric desperately.

Tony thought maybe this time, he'd die.

Gibbs' body riding him felt incredible, the hot flesh encompassing him and squeezing up and down.

He looked up at Gibbs, surprised to see a red flush coming up the man's chest and neck. His head was thrown back, and he seemed to be in less pain…enjoying the action of pushing himself, sliding up and down Tony's cock.

Gibbs sat back just a little, and the angle change caused him to gasp and jolt in pleasure. "Holy Christ!" He blurted out, as Tony's dick hit and slid against something inside him he never knew could feel so damned good.

"Lee…" Tony said, almost as a warning. "I can't…" If Gibbs kept up the movements, he knew he was going to cum, and soon.

"Touch me," Gibbs commanded, and grunted in pleasure when one of Tony's hands let go the sheets, and wrapped around his cock.

Gibbs slowed a little, and reached to the side, for the small hotel lotion he'd left on the bed next to them. He opened it, while Tony watched his hands and eyes, and poured some on himself. Then he tossed it to the side and nodded at Tony. "Pull on my dick, c'mon…"

He began to move faster, up and down, grinding his sweet spot against Tony's cock over and over while Tony moaned and muttered obscenities, and stroked him hard.

Gibbs was lost in his own pleasure for a bit, feeling his balls tightening, orgasm teasing at his nerve endings.

He didn't realize that Tony had grown a little quiet, and was watching him with burning intensity.

Gibbs growled, "Tony…_God_…" and then choked on a gasp as his vision started to go white. He felt Tony's hand move even faster, and then the pleasure overwhelmed him and he let out one more word,"fuuuuuuck." He squeezed his eyes shut as his cock released thick white ropes of cum all over Tony's chest and stomach.

He stilled, panting, and dizzy. After a moment, he realized Tony was still trembling beneath him, and started to move again with his eyes still closed.

Tony gasped and whimpered under him, and he opened his eyes to see the younger man blinking, and frowning just a little.

There was something in the way he was looking at Gibbs…desire, fear…love…all mixed together. Vulnerability. It shook him to his core. Giving himself to Tony this way was something he did purposefully, to show Tony how much he wanted to share himself…to open up…and it had worked.

He leaned forward, and kissed his beautiful lips with overwhelming passion, causing Tony to start to squirm and moan into his mouth.

He pulled back and immediately rode him hard, slamming his body up and down, pinching Tony's nipples hard while he cried out.

Tony started to arch, and his glazed eyes started the upwards rolling Gibbs knew precipitated the younger man's orgasms.

"Yeah…cum for me…cum for me Tony!"

And that sent him over the edge.

Tony grabbed Gibbs' thighs, almost painfully, chest rising off the bed in pulses, as Gibbs felt the cock inside him become impossibly large and the release waves of buttery heat.

"Lee!" Tony sobbed, lost in physical ecstasy, and falling into and emotional abyss. Tony reached for him frantically, and held onto him as if he were drowning, his body finally spent, feeling raw and exposed. He pulled Gibbs down to embrace him, tears streaming down his face and neck.

Gibbs slid up and off his body, and settled next to him, holding him and gently kissing the salty tears away.

He stroked Tony's face with his hand and kissed him several more times, remaining silent and allowing the wave of emotion to settle out.

Finally Tony looked at him, and said took a shaky breath. He said seriously, "You're gonna' be the death of me."

Gibbs smiled at him warmly, feeling the way his ass was still burning, and said, "But what a nice way to die."


	23. Chapter 23

Vance stood against the rail, overlooking the bullpen.

It had been a long, hard week.

He watched the agents packing up for the weekend, hearing the chatter about the plans they were looking forward to, wanting to make good of it since next weekend they were on rotation.

Ziva was packing her things up, as was McGee. Dorneget strolled out towards the elevators.

"So…ahhh…the dinner Sunday night…what should I bring? I-I mean, what would you guys like?" McGee asked with a certain degree of uncertainty, as he looked across at the team leader, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.

"Well," Tony said, with a mischievous grin, "Gibbs really likes drinking those fruity, sort of martini drinks lately…"

"Really?" McGee said, while Ziva looked on and smiled.

"Yeah, Probie. And he changed his wood shop up for a giant Holly-Hobby Oven in the basement. And we don't watch football anymore. Just figure skating." Tony looked at McGee with a raised brow and smile.

McGee rolled his eyes. "Beer then, Tony?"

"Ah, yah, McGenius."

"I will bring a hummus plate," Ziva said, smiling at them both. "And maybe some bourbon."

Tony grinned at that and looked back at McGee, "Careful Probie. ZIva might be gunnin' for your job."

Vance smiled at it all. Still amazed at the turn of events since Tony had resigned last month.

He remembered the conversation with Gibbs, several days after he'd gone off to find DiNozzo.

(Flashback)

The door swung open without warning, and there was Gibbs, with that look of balls-to-the-walls determination Vance had seen many times before.

"Honey," he said to his wife, "lemme' call you back. Ok. Love you." Vance hung up the phone, and turned to look at Gibbs who was just standing in front of his desk.

"Special Agent Gibbs, I do apologize for any inconvenience that door may have caused you. I'll be sure to have maintenance come and remove it since apparently, it just gets in your way." Vance sat back and sighed.

Usually, Gibbs would give a bare smile, and then tell Vance what he wanted. But Gibbs stood there for a moment, just looking at him.

Something big was up.

"What is it Jethro?" Vance asked, concerned, but figuring it had something to do with DiNozzo's resignation.

Gibbs rubbed a hand over his face and looked around for a moment, and then back at Vance. "Leon…DiNozzo's resignation-"

"Never put it through." He saw Gibbs' shoulders slump ever so slightly with relief. "Agent Gibbs, I know better. I was gonna' sit on it for two weeks. And if you didn't get him to come back, then it was going through. But I know you."

Gibbs sighed shakily. "Do you, Leon? Because…there's something else…"

"Sit," Vance said, taking in the slight shift in pallor, the pinched look on Gibbs' face.

Gibbs sat down. He took a moment, and then looked Vance in the eye. "I'm retiring."

Vance curbed his knee-jerk reaction, the one where he didn't want to lose his top Agent, in favor of the one that listened as a long-time friend.

"You sure…about this Gibbs?" he asked quietly.

Gibbs nodded. "And, when Tony comes to talk to you, I'm hoping you might consider him for team leader."

"Well, yes, DiNozzo has to talk to me…" Vance noticed Gibbs' use of 'Tony' instead of 'DiNozzo'. "I think that's possible. McGee might be ready for SFA as well. And then Dorneget can sit on the team full time."

Gibbs smiled a little at that. "That would be good Leon."

Vance sighed again, pulling a toothpick from his desk, and then looked at Gibbs. "What happened to bring this on?"

Gibbs shifted uncomfortably. After so many years knowing Vance, honesty was due. But how to talk about it…

"Rule twelve."

Vance raised his brows. "Agent David? Really?"

Gibbs shook his head, "No."

Vance was amazed. Gibbs was turning a bit of a pinkish shade. He had never seen Gibbs blush. He'd have to tell Jackie about it when he got home.

"Abby?" He said, in surprise. After all, Abby was like a surrogate daughter to Gibbs.

"Oh, no. No," Gibbs said, waiting for Vance to put it together.

And he did.

DiNozzo resigning without a good explanation, and Gibbs going after him…

Vance's mouth dropped open. _Holy Mother._ Gibbs. And. DiNozzo.

He cocked his head, eyes wide as he looked at Gibbs, "_DiNozzo_?"

Gibbs looked away for a moment, and then stared at Vance, almost defiantly. He nodded.

"You…and…DiNozzo…" Vance repeated. This was...stunning. It made him feel a small flash of anger, which he immediately knew was because of this very unexpected change in perception. He'd had friends come out before, so he knew his own initial reaction was just a small buck against the change. Which ultimately you had to accept, or get left behind. And he and Gibbs had too much history for him to screw up on him now. But still…Gibbs. And. DiNozzo.

He took a breath. "Wow."

Gibbs said softly, "Yeah. Wow. Didn't expect it. Never…thought about...men."

"I know how you felt about Shannon," Vance said, seeing the glimmer of memory and pain in Gibbs' eyes. "Is this…"

"Yeah," Gibbs said, sadness shifting to something like warmth. "It is."

They sat in silence for several moments. Vance then said, "I could make you lead on another team…"

"I'd only be checking on them and trying to lead the new team at the same time... No. I'm solid on this Leon. I'm ready." Gibbs' eyes were unwavering.

"Okay, Gibbs. But when I come over for barbeque this summer, you better not be the one wearing the apron," he smiled, while Gibbs snorted at him.

(End flashback)

"Okay Tony, see you Sunday," McGee said, as he left the bullpen with Ziva.

Tony was still at his desk, finishing up paperwork.

Vance almost turned to go back into his office, but saw Abby skip into the bullpen.

"Tooooneeeeee!" she called gleefully. "We all still on for Sunday night?"

"Yep. And even the director's coming," Tony said, and looking up at Vance with a wink.

He'd known Vance was there the whole time. Vance smiled and nodded at him, and then turned and walked away.

"I'm gonna' make a 'Blackout' cake." She beamed at him, almost expectantly.

"Uh…that sounds great, Abbs. Er…what exactly is a 'Blackout' cake?"He smiled at her and then looked down at his paperwork, organizing some notes that he needed to input Monday morning.

"Ohhh well, it's chocolate on the outside, and, then there's a layer of purple cake, and then dark chocolate ganache in the center. It's awesome. Of course, it's not my mom's exact recipie with the purple part…but…it's like, my version. And you know, I like to be creative."

"Yes, I do know," Tony laughed at her.

"I guess mainly, I like it because…you think it looks one way on the outside. Just a plain old, chocolate cake. But inside…there's stuff you didn't expect. Good stuff." She grinned and winked at him.

He looked up at her, his green eyes growing a little more serious for a moment, and said, "Thanks Abbs. For…always ...digging for the good stuff."

She nodded and smiled, and then said softly, "See you Sunday!" And ran back towards her lab in her big boots.

Tony sat in the silent bullpen for a while.

He looked at his computer screen, and scrolled for the email he'd ignored since receiving it last week, right before he testified against Orlon Pink.

* * *

_Dear Tony,_

_I just wanted tell you that I am so, so sorry for what happened to you, because of my book and Orlon Pink. I hope you believe me when I say that I really had no idea what he was going to do. I had no idea he had a history of mental illness and…well, frankly that he had become obsessed with you. I guess I made that mistake twice, didn't I?_

_I am so sorry._

_As you might have heard, NCIS confiscated all of Pink's holdings, including my books, waiting to be shipped from one of his distribution centers._

_Somehow, from what I've heard, they have gotten 'lost' in the evidence lockers. No one seems to be able to find them. I wonder if it was you, or Gibbs responsible for that?_

_The book still means a lot to me, Tony. And I will publish again, but under a pen name. I hope you will be okay with that. Our time together, though we made mistakes, and were young, helped make us who we are today. _

_If you want to, please call me, so we can talk._

_Love,_

_Wendy_

* * *

He looked at the words thoughtfully, before he wrote his answer:

_Wendy,_

_Your book was one of the worst, and best things that ever happened to me. To say it caused me pain and distress, well that would be an understatement._

_But, you never really saw that, did you? It took Pink basically attacking me for you to feel concerned about how that book affected me._

_You really are a narcissist._

_I don't really know what happened to the copies of your book._

_And as long as you publish under a pen name, I won't sue you._

_But you were right about one thing, it was better for it all to come out. I can see that now._

_I hope you do really well with your next version of the book. So you make lots of money, and move to France. Or Mars. Or anywhere else._

_I hope never to hear from you again._

_The past is the past._

_I'm moving forward._

_Tony_

He hit send, with a sigh.

He stared at the computer for a moment, and then shut it down.

He packed his things, and then smiled.

He was going to leave the office, and get on the elevator like he'd done thousands of times.

But he wasn't going to his apartment anymore. He was going home. To Gibbs.

The End

**A/N :** Hi readers ! This was SO much fun! For my first slash, not too shabby I think! I enjoyed reading it AND also your fabulous reviews! I still need to answer some, which I will do in the next day or so. Just wanted to say thanks for the inspiration and taking the ride with me!

If you have the desire, and can afford to, Pandora's Box, The Net, Close Calls and Smile of the Moon are both up for awards at the Author's Note Convention for fanfiction. I am actually going to be there, at Roanoke VA, for the event. For $5 donation (for charity) you can vote for either of these stories at authorsnote dot org after June 1st. Look for a line on the right that says DONATE A VOTE, on the convention page.

Five bucks is lunch- so – truly – I already appreciate the reviews greatly and this is only if you want to and can do.

Thank you so much!

MG


End file.
